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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> For Women Only
        
(Message started by: Margi on Oct 24^th, 2003, 11:12am)

Title: For Women Only
Post by Margi on Oct 24^th, 2003, 11:12am

(surprise surprise, men just can't follow instructions can they?)

For the girls...

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby
move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a
baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody
that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel
during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called
an air current. (edit: or how a cluster attack might be called a headache ;))

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery
room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to
you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering
from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife
begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese
omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything
you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every
bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1-
800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting-
practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from
"outer space."
8.You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger
than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you
crazy.
10.The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it
yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different
colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best
time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-
white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1.OTHER WOMEN [smiley=smug.gif]

Title: Re: For Women Only
Post by Tiannia on Oct 24^th, 2003, 11:49am

So Margi - Do you listen to Dr Laura alot?

Title: Re: For Women Only
Post by Margi on Oct 24^th, 2003, 12:41pm

uh, no. It's just a joke.

Title: Re: For Women Only
Post by Tiannia on Oct 24^th, 2003, 4:07pm

Sorry Dr Laura read these on her show yesterday. (Sorry my boss listens to her. ) That is where I thought maybe you got them