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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> In The Beginning . . .
        
(Message started by: LMVK on Jun 14^th, 2003, 11:39pm)

Title: In The Beginning . . .
Post by LMVK on Jun 14^th, 2003, 11:39pm

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth......
and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds,
so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
Jerry's and Krispy Creme Donuts.

And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man
said "Yea," and woman said, "And another one with
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep
the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went
from size 2 to size 6.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic
toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their
belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables
and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried
steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought running shoes so that his children might
lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would
not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman
laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat
and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man
gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and it's 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And
man replied, "Yea! And super size 'em." And Satan
said, "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.
:D