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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Darwin Awards
        
(Message started by: domm on Jun 9^th, 2003, 5:46pm)

Title: Darwin Awards
Post by domm on Jun 9^th, 2003, 5:46pm

The 2003 Darwin Award Winner:

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

******************************

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

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A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

******************************

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

******************************

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)

******************************

A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a
ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.

Then the snickers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"

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Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

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As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

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The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

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Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.

******************************

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his
siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Title: Re: Darwin Awards
Post by Hound_Dogg on Jun 11^th, 2003, 8:09am

Wouldn't make "The Darwin Awards" but definitely in "Stupid Crooks".

Bank Robber in Trenton, N.J. having just been released from prison and on his way home from his Parole Office, decided to rob a bank. He gave the teller a note demanding all the money, and upon receiving the money, fled. Afterwards the teller turned over the note, which had the Man's name, parole officer, and directions to the parole office on the reverse side.

Also in Trenton...woman steals person's Visa card and purchases a bunch of Cell Phones at a Radio Shack. The police track down the purchases to the Radio Shack and upon finding out the woman stole cell phones, promptly called her explaining she had won a free prize for spending so much money at the store. She came back to the Radio Shack to claim her prize & was promptly arrested.

DUM DA DUM DUM....DUUUUUM

Jim