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Title: Men's Merit/Demerit Guide Post by kim on Feb 20th, 2003, 6:08pm > > > For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the Rules > > > when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will > > > help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world > > > of romance, one single rule applies: > > > > > > Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. > > > Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get > > > any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way > > > the game is played. > > > > > > Here is a guide to the points system: > > > > > > SIMPLE DUTIES > > > You make the bed.....+1 > > > You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.. ....0 > > > You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1 > > > You leave the toilet seat up.....-5 > > > You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0 > > > When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1 > > > When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2 > > > You go out to buy her extra-light liners with wings......+5 > > > In the snow .....+8 > > > But return with beer.....-5 > > > And no liners.....-25 > > > > > > You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0 > > > You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0 > > > You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5 > > > You pummel it with a six iron.....+10 > > > It's her cat.....-40 > > > > > > AT THE PARTY > > > You stay by her side the entire party.....0 > > > You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2 > > > Named Tiffany.....-4 > > > Tiffany is a dancer.....-10 > > > With breast implants.....-18 > > > > > > HER BIRTHDAY > > > You remember her birthday.....0 > > > You buy a card and flowers.....0 > > > You take her out to dinner.....0 > > > You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1 > > > Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2 > > > And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3 > > > It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10 > > > > > > A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS > > > Go with a pal.....0 > > > The pal is happily married.....+1 > > > The pal is single.....-7 > > > He drives a Ferrari.....-10 > > > With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15 > > > > > > A NIGHT OUT WITH HER > > > You take her to a movie.....+2 > > > You take her to a movie she likes.....+4 > > > You take her to a movie you hate.....+6 > > > You take her to a movie you like.....-2 > > > It's called Death Cop III.....-3 > > > Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9 > > > You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15 > > > > > > YOUR PHYSIQUE > > > You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15 > > > You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10 > > > You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy > > > Hawaiian shirts.....-30 > > > You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800 > > > > > > THE BIG QUESTION > > > She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" > > > You hesitate in responding.....-10 > > > You reply, "Where?".....-35 > > > You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......-100 > > > Any other response.....-20 > > > > > > COMMUNICATION > > > When she wants to talk about a problem: > > > You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0 > > > You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5 > > > You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50 > > > You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying well, what do you think I should do?".....-100 > > > You have fallen asleep.....-200 > > > > > > IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH > > > You talk.....-100 > > > You don't talk.....-150 > > > You spend time with her......-200 > > > You don't spend time with her.....-500 > > > You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000 > > > > > > Game Over - YOU LOSE |
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