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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Definite RULES for Stray Cats
        
(Message started by: kim on Aug 30^th, 2002, 2:06pm)

Title: Definite RULES for Stray Cats
Post by kim on Aug 30^th, 2002, 2:06pm

> > > *Rules for Stray Cats*
> > > 1. Stray cats will not be fed.
> > > 2. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.
> > > 3. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened
> >with
> > > a little milk.
> > > 4. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened
> >with
> > > warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
> > > 5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their
permanent
> > > residence.
> > > 6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
> > > unnecessarily.
> > > 7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will
> > > absolutely not be given a name.
> > > 8. Stray cats with or without a name, will not be allowed inside the
> >house
> > > at any time.
> > > 9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at certain
> > > times.
> > > 10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on days
> >ending
> > > in "y".
> > > 11. Stray cats allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up on or
> > > sharpen their claws on the furniture.
> > > 12. Stray cats will not be permitted to, jump up on or sharpen claws
on
> >the
> > > really good furniture.
> > > 13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen
> >claws
> > > on new .99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
> > > 14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
> > > 15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
> > > high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.
> > > 16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter
pan,
> > > with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
> > > 17. Stray cats will sleep outside.
> > > 18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
> > > 19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
> > > 20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old
blanket.
> > > 21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with
> > > non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.
> > > 22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
> > > 23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the
> >foot.
> > > 24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
covers.
> > > 25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
covers,
> > > except at the foot.
> > > 26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.
> > > 27. Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.
> > > 28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the
> >desk,
> > > when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyykmm4hb USING IT.

Title: Re: Definite RULES for Stray Cats
Post by Drk^Angel on Aug 30^th, 2002, 3:22pm

Okay... A cat that you feed, water, care for, buy toys for, name, sleep with, and otherwise become your owner isn't a stray cat anymore... The proper name for a cat like that is master... Such as, "Yes master... I'll get your milk right away master!"

You must resist the Feline Revolution! Don't let them take over! What's that sound... Is that a meow? No! Stay away from me! ARGH!!!! Help!

PFDAN...................... Drk^Angel