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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Groaners....
        
(Message started by: Not4Hire on Jul 31^st, 2002, 11:08pm)

Title: Groaners....
Post by Not4Hire on Jul 31^st, 2002, 11:08pm

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
> stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
> carrion allowed per passenger."
> 2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low
> earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.
> 3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
> became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
> never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
> lesser of two weevils.
> 4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
> in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak
> and heat it, too.
> 5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up
> to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
> 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
> canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
> 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
> hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
> why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
> chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
> 8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
> a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
> Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
> to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
> that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,
> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
> 9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
> small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
> from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
> was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
> He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
> rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
> in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
> their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
> they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent
> florist friars.
> 10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends,
> in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
> Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.