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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Words to Live By
        
(Message started by: kim on Jul 5^th, 2002, 6:38pm)

Title: Words to Live By
Post by kim on Jul 5^th, 2002, 6:38pm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the
hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

5. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.

6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and
he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is
moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

21. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. ;)