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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> stuff
        
(Message started by: Bull on May 2^nd, 2002, 9:05am)

Title: stuff
Post by Bull on May 2^nd, 2002, 9:05am

Down Under

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to The X, 103.2 on your
FM dial in Ft Wayne IN, who was sponsoring a "worst job experience"
contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of
year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we
have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints. What I do, when I
get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down
the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within
a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other
divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it
on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out,
but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butt hole was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job..."

Title: Re: stuff
Post by Bull on May 2^nd, 2002, 9:08am

I was so lonely, I had no one
So I found a bottle and a piece of paper
I wrote upon it” I am all alone , some one please contact me , and say you care, and added my phone and address
I then flung it in the ocean, and thought “some one please answer”
And I went home to cry
The bottle washed up on another beach , a person found it and read my note.
They began to cry, and wrote their own note to add to the bottle, the note said “ I too, am all alone , some one please call and say they care, and added their phone and address.
And went home to cry
The bottle went around the world washing up on many beachs , with many lonely people adding their note requesting a contact,
And going home to cry
Until after many years it came back to my shore.
I open the bottle to find many notes from lonely people requesting a human contact.
I cursed and cryed and threw the bottle in the trash,
, “No one cares about me.”
And went home to cry