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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Bad day at the orifice
        
(Message started by: Charlie on Apr 9^th, 2002, 11:33pm)

Title: Bad day at the orifice
Post by Charlie on Apr 9^th, 2002, 11:33pm

:D
Are you having a bad day at work? If so, read the following and
>have a
> laugh.
> Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in
>Louisiana. He
> performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
> e-mail he sent his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was
> sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she
>won.
> Here's how it went:
>
>
> Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I
>had a
> bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
>work,
> so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
>it's
> not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I
>first
> must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my
> office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
>It's
> a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we
>do to
> keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water
>heater.
> This $20,000 piece of crap sucks the water out of the sea, heats it
>to a
> delightful temperature, and then pumps it down to the diver through
>a
> garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a
>good
> plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
> When I get to the bottom and start working, I take the hose and
>stuff it
> down the back of my wet suit, which floods my whole suit with warm
> water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
> Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
> itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
> Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose
>out
> from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what
>had
> happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and
>pumped it
> into my wet suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the
> jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
> However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
>scratched
> what I thought was a regular itch, I was actually grinding the
>jellyfish
> into my butt.
> I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
>His
> instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5
>other
> divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted
>the
> dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression
>stops
> (totaling 35 minutes) before I could reach the surface to begin my
> dry-chamber decompression.
> When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
> helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
> laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told
>me to
> rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put
>the
> fire out, but I couldn't crap for 2 days because my butt was swollen
> shut.
> So, the next time you think you're having a bad day at work, think
>about
> how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your
>butt
> crack.

Charlie :D