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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> God's Voice Mail
        
(Message started by: Charlie on Apr 8^th, 2002, 11:03pm)

Title: God's Voice Mail
Post by Charlie on Apr 8^th, 2002, 11:03pm

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part
> of
> our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if
> God
> decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the
> following:
>
> Thank you for calling Heaven.
> For English, Press 1.
> For Spanish, press 2.
> For all other languages, press 0.
>
> Please select one of the following options:
> Press 99 for Requests.
> Press 1 for Christmas.
> Press 2 for Yom Kippur.
> Press 3 for Thanksgiving.
> Press 4 for Complaints.
> Press 5 for all other inquiries.
>
> I am sorry. All of our angels and saints are currently busy Assisting
> other
> sinners. How ever, your prayer is important to us, and will be answered
> in
> the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
>
> If you would like to speak to:
> God, press 1.
> Jesus, press 2.
> Moses, press 3.
> Holy Spirit, press 4.
>
> If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while on hold, press
> 5.
>
> To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 6, then
> enter
> his or her social security number, followed by the pound sign. If you
> receive a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.
> For reservations at Heaven, please call 1-800-A-M-E-N or enter J-O-H-N,
> followed by the numbers 3-1-6.
>
> For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, apes, the age of the
> earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait
> until
> you arrive.
>
> Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang-up
> and
> try again tomorrow.
>
> The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious
> holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:00am. If you are calling
> after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local
> Priest, Rabbi or pastor.
>
> Thank you for calling ...God ...

Charlie