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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> what men mean... 
        
(Message started by: gladiola on Apr 3^rd, 2002, 6:52pm)

Title: what men mean...
Post by gladiola on Apr 3^rd, 2002, 6:52pm

What Men Really Mean --

1. "I can't find it"
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I
am completely clueless.

2. "That's women's work"
MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless.

3. "Will you marry me?"
MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't
find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.

4. "It's a guy thing . "
MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it
logical.

5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: why isn't it already on the table?

6. "It would take too long to explain"
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

7. "I'm getting more exercise lately"
MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.

8. "We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a
maniac.

9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

10. "That's interesting dear."
MEANS: are you still talking?

11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our
love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

12. "You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

13. "It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and women.

14. "You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of
F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and
the vehicle identification number of every car I've
ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these
roses."
MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a real
babe, and was wearing a bikini thong.

16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big
deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed
to death before I admit I'm hurt.

17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: what did you catch me at?

18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.

19. "I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said,
and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't
spend the next three days yelling at me.

20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and
realize it could be worse.

21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm
starving.

22. "I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the
ball/hockey game.

23. "I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.

24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.

26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up
without printed help.