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Title: Just for Ueli: Cats, cats everywhere Post by AlienSpaceBabe on Mar 16th, 2002, 5:12pm An elderly widower loved his cat so dearly he tried to teach it to talk. "If I can get Tabby to converse with me," he reasoned, "I won't have to bother with ornery humans at all." First he tried a diet of canned salmon, then one of canaries. Tabby obviously approved of both but she didn't learn to talk. Then one day the widower had two parrots cooked in butter and served to Tabby with asparagus and French-fried potatoes. Tabby licked the plate clean, and then...wonder of wonders...suddenly turned to her master and shouted, "Look Out!" Possibly the widower didn't hear because he never moved a muscle. The next moment the ceiling caved in and buried him under a mass of debris. The cat shook its head and said in disgust, "Eight years he spends getting me to talk and then the idiot doesn't listen." ******************************************* In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He sauntered into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor. "Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to five dollars." "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the five on the spot. "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seens so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats." |
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