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Title: couple-a southern funnies Post by gladiola on Mar 4th, 2002, 1:11pm ( Hilarious Southern Metaphors! ) It's hotter today than, two gerbils humping in a wool sock! "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!" "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style." "This'll jar your preserves." "Cute as a sack full of puppies." "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." "Gooder than grits." "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." "Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." "A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off." "When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count." "If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats." "A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor." "She's uglier than homemade soap." "Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'." "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits." "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead" "I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws, as a hair in a biscuit." ****************************** A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband. "My testicles are turning blue." "That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?" "Yes, I am," she replied. "And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" "Grape." |
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Title: Re: couple-a southern funnies Post by Elizabeth on Mar 4th, 2002, 7:08pm GRAPE jelly? LMBO! |
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