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Title: Plastic Jesus Post by Live4Fun on Jul 22nd, 2003, 6:59pm Plastic Jesus... (everyone now, sing along) Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car He don't slip and he don't slide, cause his ass is magnetized... Plastic Jesus riding in my car.... (second verse, same as the first) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Not4Hire on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:08pm ..and I don' care if it's Dark n Scary... ...long as I got mah Plastic Mary.... sittin on the Dashbored of mah cah..... Praise da Load... and His Divinity.... Long as Ah got mah Plastic Trinity..... sittin on the Dashbored of mah cah..... ;D ...next year, brethren and cistern.... 8) |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Live4Fun on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:14pm http://www.honzman.com/jesus.gif ;D ;D ;D |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by jonny on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:15pm Down the road in my car. A plastic Jesus on my dashboard, got to work to stay alive. I'm just a sinner tryin' to survive. Yeah we commit all those deadly sins. But I dont worry cause I got my friend. I got my plastic Jesus in my car. Hes always with me, never to far. Yeah, my plastic Jesus always forgives. Im a sinner thats why I believe. Substituted "Plastic" for "Wooden"....By Greatwhite (The death band) ........................................jonny |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Ted on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:16pm I don't care if it rains or freezes, 's long as I've got my plastic Jesus nailed to the dashboard of my car. |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by taraann on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:23pm ok im breaking thislovely thread to say you guys crack me up!!!! ;D |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by KingOfPain on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:26pm Plastic Jesus Ernie Marrs I don't care if it rains of freezes 'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car. Through my trials and tribulations And my travels through the nations With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car I'm afraid He'll have to go. His magnets ruin my radio And if I have a wreck He'll leave a scar. Riding down a thoroughfare With His nose up in the air, A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind. Trouble coming He don't see, He just keeps His eye on me And any other thing that lies behind. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car ... Though the sunshine on His back Make Him peel, chip and crack, A little patching keeps Him up to par. When I'm in a traffic jam He don't care if I say "damn" I can let all my curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn't hear 'Cause he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car ... Once His robe was snowy white, Now it isn't quite so bright - Stained by the smoke of my cigar. If I weave around at night, And policemen think I'm tight, They never find my bottle - though they ask. Plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car ... Ride with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb - Plastic Jesus is a holy bar. |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by KingOfPain on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:27pm [Plastic Jesus has become quite entrenched in the folk tradition, so there are considerably more folk verses than there were original ones. Following are folk additions and emendations, as well as additions from recording artists who have covered this song.] Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car I could go a hundred miles an hour Long as I got the Almighty Power Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice {Refrain - repeat between every verse} Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. I don't care if it rains or freezes As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus Glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far I don't care if it's dark or scary Long as I have magnetic Mary Ridin' on the dashboard of my car I feel I'm protected amply I've got the whole damn Holy Family Riding on the dashboard of my car You can buy a Sweet Madonna Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell I don't care what they say, I'm gonna Keep on prayin' to that pink madonna Melted to the dashboard of my car. I don't care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles Bolted to the dashboard of my car Don't I have a pious mess Such a crowd of holiness Strung across the dashboard of my car No, I don't care if it rains or freezes Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car But I think he'll have to go His magnet ruins my radio And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar Riding through the thoroughfare With his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind Trouble coming, he don't see He just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun shines on his back Makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par When pedestrians try to cross I let them know who's boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town Trying to run them down And it's seldom that they live to see the morning {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right And I use it as a sight And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far When I'm in a traffic jam He don't care if I say Damn I can let all sorts of curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn't hear For he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Once his robe was snowy white Now it isn't quite so bright Stained by the smoke of my cigar God made Christ a Holy Jew God made Him a Christian too Paradoxes populate my car Joseph beams with a feigned elan From the shaggy dash of my furlined van Famous cuckold in the master plan Naughty Mary, smug and smiling Jesus dainty and beguiling Knee-deep in the piling of my van His message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic Gay Simpering from the dashboard of my van You can buy Him phosphorescent Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far. You can buy a Sweet Madonna Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell. Goin' ninety, I'm not wary' Cause I've got my Virgin Mary, Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell. Rain and Snow are not an issue long as I got my plastic Vishnu Sittin on the dashboard of my car When I'm goin' fornicatin I got my ceramic Satan Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home The women know I'm on the level Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home Leering from the dashboard of my van I don't care if I'm broke or starvin' As long as I've got a fish named Darwin Glued to the trunklid of my car God, I'm feeling so evolved Drivin' with my problems solved Proclaiming what I think of what we are Riding home one foggy night, With my honey cuddled tight, I missed a curve and off the road we veered. My windshield got smashed-up good, And my darling graced the hood. Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared. {As refrain} Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, No longer chides me with His holy grin. Doctors in the X-ray room Found Him in my darling's womb. Someday, He'll be born again! I don't care if it rains or freezes Long as I got my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car He's the dude with the rusty nails, Walks on water, don't need no sails Riding on the dashboard of me car I don't care if the night is scary As long as I got the Virgin Mary Sittin' on the dashboard of my car. She don't slip and she don't slide Cuz her ass is magnetized Sittin' on the dashboard of my car. |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Live4Fun on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:29pm I expect everyone to have every verse memorized for next years convention!!!! :P ;D ;D ;D Randy (Mr. Happy) get your guitar playin fingers loose, all these verses could take a while! :D |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by KingOfPain on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:32pm http://www.whitetreeaz.com/plastic_jesus/ Lyrics & audio! KOP |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Miklos on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:36pm Dear Mr. KOP: And I thought I was obsessive compulsive. |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by suzy617 on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:37pm OMG!!!! You guys had me singing that song to myself all damn day at work today!! ;D ;D ;D Suzy |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Linda_Howell on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:50pm Yep me too sis-tah......all fucking day long that stupid song is in my head. For all of you who don't know what the fuck we're talking about...........Randy and Live-for-fun sang this song. I had to explain amidst the laughter that it really WAS a country song. As I unpacked today in total depression though, I played Grants CD.....thanks Grant. You were with us in spirit. Linda, who is now gonna stop using that f word til the next convention........ |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Charlie on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:58pm I'm gonna kill you KOP. I was just about to get Mr. Happy's version out of my perforated head. Damn. Now I'm gonna have to bolt you to the hood of yer car. ;D Charlie |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Linda_Howell on Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:02pm You didn't think this MB was gonna get back to normal any time soon, did ya charlie.???? I think KOP would look good as a hood ornament on my car. lmao......and here I was gonna go do a search for the words. Stupid me...... Linda |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Miklos on Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:03pm Dear Ms. Linda_Howell: When I had my hip replaced, the black-belt physical therapists told me that I was not permitted to say the f- word. But, I was permitted to say F# (F sharp) as often as was needed during therapy. Sometimes, F# is equally as satisfying. |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by eyes_afire on Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:21pm LOL Taraann, you shoulda been there. I only wish I was a little less sober (damn CH). May have to reform our band Porch Jam for next year, LOL. Bring your harps again Brad. --- Steve |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Linda_Howell on Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:30pm Mr. Miklos, Fucken-eh-sharp. Nope. Doesn't do it for me. You can call me Linda though. |
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Title: Polypropylene Gods Post by Mr.Happy on Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:53pm Jesus H........ Would you'se guys stand _Over There_ for a while. Ain't entirely sure this evenings monolithic electrical storm is entirely NATURAL. Wotan is like that........wry sense of humor, indeed. He don't slip and he don't slide, RJ |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Ree on Jul 22nd, 2003, 10:18pm LMHineyO ree |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by cootie on Jul 22nd, 2003, 10:30pm jonny knows the verse to the beer tab dance.....got sum in my pants......blahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha ! Pam that woke up with none in my pockets ;D ;D ;D So how YOU dowin ? |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by KingOfPain on Jul 22nd, 2003, 11:35pm on 07/22/03 at 19:58:19, Charlie wrote:
You fix my oil gushing car Charlie & by all means, bolt away. KOP |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Mark C on Jul 23rd, 2003, 12:06am I think nothing could be cuter Than to see magnetic Buddha sitting on the dashboard of my car Other drivers they throw fits Buddha he just sits and sits sits there on the dashboard of my car For safety you can't top the Torah which explains the huge Menorah up there on the rooftop of my car I know I have done my utmost With my mezuzah on the doorpost Please touch it as you get into the car I press firmly on the pedal protected by a St. Chris medal fastened to the dashboard of my car Now I hear he's been demoted To him we'll no more be devoted I'll peel him from the dashboard of my car There's a crystal made of glass Which creates a blinding flash Hanging from the mirror of my car Though it makes it hard to see It brings the cosmic energy To focus on the dashboard of my car With other cars I will not tangle Long as I have that fine pentagle riding on the dashboard of my car My new car it has lots of room much better than my other broom <ad lib> I'm getting tired, could you drive a spell? My view ahead is clear to see Because an atheist that's me With nothing on the dashboard of my car On the road my sole protector Is a good radar detector Looking through the windshield of my car On the road I fear no moron For I have my trusty Koran Riding in the glove-box of my car My faith's as solid as can be I'll make the mountains come to me Soon I will no longer need the car Other drivers they should fear me for I have their effigy riding on the dashboard of my car No more in life will they be grinnin' After I just shove this pin in They'll wish they'd never bumped into this car Though in faith we are diverse In cars our outlook grows perverse We drive as though our brains was made of tar Different idols seem to linger But every driver has one finger Waving it at every other car ;D |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by BobG on Jul 23rd, 2003, 3:04am You people have WAY to much free time. :D Never mind. I found it. The floppy-eared-bobble-head dog in the back window had it. |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by catlind on Jul 23rd, 2003, 9:36am ROFL!!!!!!!! And in the immortal words of Mr Happy: You people are FUCKING NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Oh Hap...one for the road: Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy ;) Cat |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by AlienSpaceBabe on Jul 23rd, 2003, 10:42am on 07/22/03 at 22:30:27, cootie wrote:
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Peppermint on Jul 23rd, 2003, 10:51am Everybody!!! ......................Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus... |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by JDH on Jul 23rd, 2003, 1:18pm on 07/22/03 at 19:50:57, Linda_Howell wrote:
Isn't that the song Paul Newman was singing in Cool Hand Luke? Jim |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by cootie on Jul 23rd, 2003, 2:19pm No...........how "YOUUUU" doin........hey don't fergit the cootie-dance.........Pam that does not have cooties ;D |
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Title: Re: Plastic Jesus Post by Mark C on Jul 23rd, 2003, 3:20pm on 07/23/03 at 13:18:16, JDH wrote:
8) Click here (http://www.destgulch.com/movies/luke/luke13.wav) for proof positive! Go on...click...you will be glad you did! |
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Title: that ole luke smile Post by rumplestiltskin on Jul 23rd, 2003, 5:53pm Simply...and by far ....my favorite movie. Thanks fer the moment. den |
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