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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> "Blood Relatives"
        
(Message started by: shellie on Jun 21^st, 2003, 1:00am)

Title: "Blood Relatives"
Post by shellie on Jun 21^st, 2003, 1:00am

Good Day. I posted this on supporters - but it seems the General post receives more hits so here it goes.

As a spouse of a CHead, we've had to deal with the emotional and physical pain of the attacks. Regarding the emotional...I'd like to know if many of you had to cancel family vacations, plans, parties, and events?
How did you tell your family?
Did they think you were crazy?
Did they give you advice?
Did they have no clue what you were talking about and really didn't care?
Is it worth telling everyone?
How do you tell your 'other' family?
We're debating on telling a select few, but so far, it's been, 'oh - well that sucks' - end of statement. I almost wish I could say, "we have a huge problem in the family, brain disorder, physicological brain attack" or something that they would actually give a hoot about...

What all have you done?? Your help would be most appreciated.

-New Supporter

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by don on Jun 21^st, 2003, 1:20am

family vacations, plans, parties, and events?
They only inform me when they are over.

How did you tell your family?
By smashing my head into their living room walls

Did they think you were crazy?
They already knew

Did they give you advice?
Stay away from my house

Did they have no clue what you were talking about and really didn't care?
They never do.

Is it worth telling everyone?
Only those you owe money to

How do you tell your 'other' family?
My "other" family don't appear anymore since I started the medication.

Seriously, just tell them your spouse has a health condition that has flared up and briefly describe Cluster Headaches and what your spouse goes through. Explain the inability to socialize when the headaches flare up. If they dont understand or care then they are not worth an explanation anyway.

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by Laurie on Jun 21^st, 2003, 2:59am

Shellie,

The thing is, we CH'ers are basically healthy people who happen to have a very painful and very inconvenient problem.

Are you telling people you have CH because you are hoping for sympathy, support, advice, or are you trying to expain your absences and behavior? All of these are valid reasons, but you sound like you hoped for a certain response and you're disappointed because you're not getting that response.

Just be honest and *specific* with the people you tell what you want from them. Otherwise, you leave them guessing why you told them. If you want support, tell them specifically what kind you want. For example "I'm in a CH cluster now, and I'm very disappointed that I can't attend this event - can we reschedule after my CH period ends?". If you just want a hug, hey, tell 'em!

I generally just tell people who know me well and are affected by my CH: my boss and team members (to explain why I sometimes show up at work at 5am and leave early), and close friends (to explain, for example, why I can't meet a friend for our weekly morning walk). And yes, I get all sorts of well-meant advice about how to prevent and treat migraines. But that's 'cause they care.

Laurie

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by cbolony on Jun 21^st, 2003, 6:49am

Quote:

I'd like to know if many of you had to cancel family vacations, plans, parties, and events?

Never just bring the imtrex injections :)

Quote:

How did you tell your family?
1 Did they think you were crazy?
2 Did they give you advice?
3 Did they have no clue what you were talking about and really didn't care?
4 Is it worth telling everyone?
5How do you tell your 'other' family?

1 Yes
2 no
3 yes
4 no
5 See me in action with Ch

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by MarkHW on Jun 21^st, 2003, 7:44am

I've never cancelled vacation or anything, but I have had to cancel certain events during a vacation. I just bring a lot of imitrex and do the best I can.

Most of my family is pretty cool and understand the best they can.

My ex-mother-in-law (the demon woman from Hell) wasn't so understanding.

Years ago my ex, me, and my two sons were there for vacation and I had a killer cluster. Everyone was going swimming and I opted to stay back at the house, inject and then lay down when it was over.

Later that evening I got reemed for what a horrible father I am for not going swimming with my sons - after all I only had a headache!

I asked her if she would like to go swimming with a burning nail stuck through her eye-ball? I didn't get a reply.

Now I'm divorced and have full custody of my kids....
I don't have to see her anymore.. Hasn't helped my clusters, but sure has helped my mood!!

Mark

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by Kasey4 on Jun 21^st, 2003, 7:51am

I used to cancel my entire life when in cycle.

I refuse to do that anymore. I go about my plans and if I get hit, I get hit - I've done Imitrex injections in a lot of weird places, including the side of the road and in a movie theater. I decided I'm not going to let these f*ckers beat me!!!!

My family knows all about them but you can't really explain or expect anyone to understand the severeness of the pain unless they are really close to you (spouse, child, parent).

I generally only "try" to explain clusters to others on an as needed bases. I got one while waiting for my daughter in her dance class the other week. I had to tell the other mom's around me. Some were sympathetic, others looked at me like I was some kind of wimpy moron with a headache.

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by cbolony on Jun 21^st, 2003, 8:12am

Quote:

My ex-mother-in-law (the demon woman from Hell) wasn't so understanding.

Mark if your ex is like her mother I'm glad you got full custody of your kids.Not to many fathers will get full costody of there kids you must be a great DAD

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by shellie on Jun 21^st, 2003, 10:05am

Thanks everyone.

I'm not sure what I expected from family members, that's why I wanted your responses. We have told very few members and actually cancelled a couple of events - nothing major though, and we really didn't want to go anyhow.

Appreciate your own experiences.
BTW - I'm BlackDog's wife - Donna, but my email/code is Shellie. (comes from Michelle - middle name ;D)

Title: Re: "Blood Relatives"
Post by brain_cramps on Jun 21^st, 2003, 10:22am

Shellie

My family knows that i get some kind of headache, but I'm sure they have no idea what it feels like. Nobody that doesn't get them can possibly understand how it feels.

They just kinda nod their heads and say something like "oh - those again." I've tried to explain, but that's basically useless.

Yes, they think I'm crazy, but that's always been the case. ;)

grant 8)

P.S. Don - GREAT POST! ;D