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Title: Anger Post by Jewel on Jun 9th, 2003, 7:20am I don't know about the rest of you, but when I get a cluster I usually get really angry and start to cry. It seems like the more upset I become, the worst the headache gets. Does anyone else notice this? I've heard that many people while experiencing a cluster cannot sit still, but I don't see how anyone could do anything in this pain. There are times when I would like to get up and bang my head on the floor, but I know if I did the pain would only intensify. All I can really do is lay down and try with all my might not to cry and not to fly into a rage. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by BobG on Jun 9th, 2003, 7:27am Good morning Jewel. Most clusterheads have to be rocking, up and moving, pacing the floor, and even running during an attack. Laying still is not an option and for some may even be impossible. Banging your head on the floor? Many have done just that. Beat their head with their fists? Yep. Knock holes in the wall with their head? Been done. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Mark C on Jun 9th, 2003, 7:31am Good for you! That response has saved me a few times.....get fuckin' pissed off! I am a firm believer in the power of a good rage! Good for the soul and helps bunches in the management of CH.......so RAISE HELL! .....just keep the anger pointed in the right direction, it's like a loaded gun you know. ;D What about the rest of you nuts.......you all ever get mad! ;D Not-mad-but-could-be-Mark |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Donna on Jun 9th, 2003, 7:53am Anger is the flip side of fear. Ever see your child running toward danger? You get so scared.........until he/she's out of danger. Then you get mad and scold them for doing what they did. Just turn it around. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by aprilbee on Jun 9th, 2003, 7:54am Yep!! I get a pretty short fuse when I get into the climax of my cycle, but as Jewel said, it only makes the CH worse, so I try to kind of meditate, but it doesn't always work, SO I end up banging my head up against the shower tiles....loads of fun!!! :P |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by ShariRae on Jun 9th, 2003, 8:21am Hi Jewel, I dont think there is 1 of us who can say we have never gotten REALLY MAD when we get hit....especially when we are running on little sleep or no social life due to these beastly visits. I try to get up & run..either in place or on the treadmill, and my mantra is "You bastard, you will not win" and when i can no longer run.. i sit at the diningroom table, rocking & banging my head on the table, still chanting....mad.. helll yeah! Huggz Shari |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Live4Fun on Jun 9th, 2003, 9:07am Yep... I get angry too... which causes the pain to intesify... which causes me to grow more angry... a very Sick Cycle really... If I start quick enough and the CH is a lower KIP, meditation and relaxation exercises help me alot. But after a certain point or if the demon wants to get real bad, then it is time to pace, run, jump, punch the walls, etc. One thing you can always remember, get on here and yell at the world and tell us all how much the demon pisses you off. We're here. We'll listen. If we could we'd bang our heads for you to help you feel better... Wishing PFDANs. Bryan |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by cbolony on Jun 9th, 2003, 9:43am Quote:
Bob done that before Quote:
I pace the floors for 10-15 till the imitrex shot kick in. If I have no imitrex i'll bet you i must pace 1-2- miles in my house can't lay down have to keep moving |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Margi on Jun 9th, 2003, 9:50am Absolutely anger is a huge part of clusters. A lot of clusterheads here have been expert drywall patchers. They've had to. But, here's some sage wisdom for you....my husband has learned the hard way that if can get a rein on the anger that wants to boil up inside him when he's getting hit, he has a MUCH better hold on things and the attack doesn't get so intense. It's hugely hard work to do - to learn how to control the rage - but Mike's learned over the years that it's the only way to get through his attacks. He puts that ice bag on the back of his neck at onset and that seems to help him keep his cool (literally). When you let yourself become enraged, your blood pressure skyrockets and THAT, in itself, is going to make your pain more intense. Deep breathing (which is accomplished when he does his oxygen), and determination to stay calm has really helped Mike get through a lot of bad ones. As I said, hard work, but I've sure seen him do better getting through his cycles now that he's learned to do this. Food for thought anyway. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Mccarke on Jun 9th, 2003, 10:02am I cry like a little girl when i have CH and i have banged my head so many times, ive even hit myself in the head with my fist yelling screaming using every bad word in the book i know other outside my house think some one is being hurt in that house, then as hard as it hit it goes away that fast by then im so drained i lay down and sleep like baby. You said when CH hit all you can do is lay down, wow never heard of that.. If i lay my head down it pound harder and harder. Kevin |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by oringkid on Jun 9th, 2003, 1:12pm Like Margi's Mike, I have learned to stay as calm as possible. However, I still have to rock, dig into my head with my fingernails or a pencil and I "knock" on my head. I used to bang my head on walls (especially corners, like doorway corners) I have hit myself in the head with telephone recievers, brushes, staplers and other things, but the reason I did and do this is not from rage, it is because it seems to help in some tiny way. It is instinctive with CH. No one told me to do it, I never saw anyone else do it. There is just something about that particular kind of pain that makes you NEED to hit it. I don't remember feeling angry DURING an attack, but at peak, I have a very short fuse. Sherry |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Margi on Jun 9th, 2003, 1:31pm oh Sherry ... hitting yourself with a stapler.... man, I remember those days for Mike. That just breaks my heart when you clusterheads reach that point of pain. :'( Kind of is a sobering reminder why we're all here, huh? hey, here's a question for you all....anyone rock their heads during sleep? That's usually a signal that a cycle is looming in our house.... I think it's your subconscious way of headbanging before the craziness actually arrives. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Roxy on Jun 9th, 2003, 1:44pm I don't think I've ever gotten angry before, or during an attack. Denial ....when it's cranking up.......more along the lines of..."no, no, oh no, hell no, fuck no." During the hit, I'm way to focused on the pain to get mad; I'm usually just trying to find a way to make it stop. Afterwards, I'm too damn happy it's gone, and too tired to get mad. I'm like Sherry, it just feels good to hit the head.....with whatever is available. I just don't recommend pipe fences.....THAT feeling actually broke through the ch pain, and definitely left a mark........ :-/ Margi, I usually wake my husband up before I come awake when I get hit at night. He says I start tossing my head back and forth, and my feet are usually already trying to run. This is good in a way, he usually has my shot ready and waiting.....a few times he's even stuck me before I'm fully awake. Tracey |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Margi on Jun 9th, 2003, 1:52pm Hi Tracey, I should have worded my question differently.... I didn't mean while in cycle (so I guess this only applies to the episodics out there)...does anyone rock their head during sleep BEFORE a cycle starts? I'm just wondering if this IS a commonality of a cycle about to start, if we should (as supporters) should be watching out for that as a signal to start the preventative meds. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by TraceaTX on Jun 9th, 2003, 1:53pm I most definately get angry too. Actually during a particularly horrible episode I have been known to turn on Metallica REALLY loud and bang my head against the wall so hard I became one of those expert drywall repair folks mentioned earlier. I will do most anything to drive the demon out, banging my head on stearing wheels (the car is in park and no I am not driving during an attack), I have also used shoes, hair brushes, door jams, etc....all pretty desperate. I am not too far away from New Orleans that I haven't considered VooDoo to help drive the Devil out of me. :) Tracea |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by aprilbee on Jun 9th, 2003, 2:01pm Margi, My husband could sleep if a freight train came through our room, so I have no idea if I do that, I'm not in a cycle right now but I should start again next winter...I'm going to pay very close attention to that, and I'm interested in what others do. PFDAN to all! |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by vig on Jun 9th, 2003, 2:03pm I've been a cold, stoic person all my life..'til this. Life is now an emotional experience. During a cycle, I can start crying just thinking about pain. I'm not sad...it just happens on its own. I'm rarely, if ever, angry. I squeeze my head pretty good, but I have never pounded it. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by nancyann on Jun 9th, 2003, 2:14pm Yes, I find that I have a short fuse. The littlest thing can set me off. It used to take a lot to push me over the edge. However, since this has started it doesn't take much,not at all. My poor kids, there are days I cry because I feel really sorry because I have jumped at them. They are such good kids but If I'm in pain and they don't listen I don't know what to do but scream at them. I spend a lot of time crying afterward. I feel crazy. Like I've lost my mind somewhere. Like maybe they need to lock me up because I might one day be a danger to someone or myself. I'm afraid of really becoming violent during one of these things. I try to get into a room by myself but sometimes that's just not possible. I just want it to go away. I get so afraid of my children hating me for it. YES I GET ANGRY SO GOD DAMNED ANGRY!!!!!!! BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER!!!! |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by oringkid on Jun 9th, 2003, 2:57pm Margi, that's a good question. I am a head roller (then thrasher!) at night like Tracey, but, at the beginning of a cycle if I get shadows while sleeping, I don't wake all the way up but the head rolling starts. Perhaps that is what it is?? Sherry |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by stevegeebe on Jun 9th, 2003, 7:30pm Mostly frustrated...like when you are attacked at night and you look at the clock and it's only 11:30. And the next time it's 3:30. And the next time it's 5:00. My family, friends and co-workers just leave me alone when under attack. Must admit though, while screaming at a ten, I have been angry at God. Of coures I thank him thousands of times when it's over as I'm recovering on the bathroom floor. Sad yes...angry no. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by katethecelt on Jun 9th, 2003, 8:35pm Filled with Rage would be a more apt description of how I've felt at times during this episode. When I get really angry, I tend to cry....it's very annoying. I normally don't have much of a temper. I've learned I have to stay calm when I'm getting hit or it makes it worse. When the pain is too bad for me to walk, I rock. Staying still is not an option. I bet you'll find that moving around helps. Wishing you PFDAN's, Kate |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by dellp on Jun 10th, 2003, 10:22am on 06/09/03 at 07:20:10, Jewel wrote:
Hi Jewel, Do you really lay down with the pain? I'm really curious about this - check out my earlier post about it. As far as anger, I have had this fantasy lately - owning a baseball bat and with the Beast sitting on my shoulder digging into my eye and temple, just going HOG WILD! Lamps, the TV, computer, tables, chairs - just bash the s--- out of all of it! God, what a release it would be! Probably wouldn't do a thing for the HA, but what a release! As it is, I usually just sit still with my feet and legs goin' 100 MPH and handfulls of hair pulling my scalp in directions I didn't know it would go. Gave up on hitting my head against the wall after the neighbors complained but occasionally pound on the dining room table (my preferred place of sufferring,) with all my might - it's a real sturdy table :) PFDAN to all, Dell |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by jimbo on Jun 10th, 2003, 12:34pm My beast can do 0-10 in 30 seconds or less. Walk, run, interlock fingers behind my neck and use my forearms to try to squeeze my cranium until it breaks and then beat the left side of my head with my fist until its numb! Do not talk to me, do not look at me, and if I find out your even thinking about me during an attack I'LL KILL YOU. So yeah, I guess I have a pretty short fuse during an attack. Be afraid, be very afraid ;D Seeya, Jimbo |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Charlie on Jun 11th, 2003, 5:40am Well........ I wanted to beat the walls and scream, kill stuff, break lots of china, start fires, and cut off my head. It's amazing that Sally's Dachshund survived. I never did any of this though. I sat in the dark, preferably in the kitchen in dead silence. I wonder how many clusterheads are in prison or worse for mayhem of one kind or another? You'll pull though. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by badfly on Jun 11th, 2003, 6:23am I have always been a very polite person and have always suppressed my anger. Thats not to say I dont get angry, but when I do, I usually wont do much more the say, in a very stern voice, "I am very angry." At the moment I am in mid-cycle and VERY VERY angry. I dont do anything about it though, cos there's nothing that can be done. No one to be angry at. Whos fault is it, who caused it? I dont know. So I am boiling inside like a pressure cooker, but if you met me you would think "what a nice polite man." Im not sure what would happen if I ever boiled over. |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by stuey on Jun 11th, 2003, 2:12pm Jewel this sucks. I curse and curse and get so angry. I didn't never think maybe it made it worse I just can't believe it's all real ya know. I pace around on the worse ones holding my head and the profanity spews forth. I have lain in my bed at the beginning of one if it started in the bed praying it wasn't happening again, but it really is happening again. I am still in my cycle and am wondering if the cycle does end like everybody says. It's been since late April. Are you in a cycle now? I get pissed also when trying to explain what I have to others and they think it's migraines or something you can take asprin with. My sister gets migraines with aura and vomits and I told her the other night that I love her and I am not trying to out suffer her or out pain her, but that I couldn't describe how bad the pain was and that she doesn't get migraines everyday 2-3 times a day. Anger plays a role to me while in the CA or outside of one. Stu |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by Jewel on Jun 11th, 2003, 4:24pm Dellp: Yes I do lay down when I get a cluster. I definitely don't lay very still though. I jump up and roll over and change positions the entire time, but I do try to stay as still as possible. It's hard but what else can I do? Now that I think of it, I did used to pace a lot. That was before I was diagnosed and introduced to medication. From what I remember they used to last up to an hour! Thank God for Imitrex! ;D |
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Title: Re: Anger Post by jonny on Jun 11th, 2003, 6:32pm on 06/10/03 at 12:34:36, jimbo wrote:
Now that is a classic, Jimmy my man ;D ....................................jonny |
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