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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> Throwing my toys out of the cot
        
(Message started by: badfly on Jun 8^th, 2003, 6:36am)

Title: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by badfly on Jun 8^th, 2003, 6:36am

Hi all

Im back again. Its been 12 months since my last cycle, and I commited the sin of forgetting I'm dying.

It's been 9 years since I was first aflicted by this beast and every year I die just a little more. I am losing strength and wil to continue. My carrer is a mess (i lost 2 jobs in 3 years) and I live in fear of the beast hour to hour. If my eye twitches or just feels a bit different I start to panic and prepare myself for what is surely to come next. Upon waking I emediatly take stock of my senses. Have I woken naturaly or is this a tune? Honestly if it were not for my wife and kid I woulda quit last year. I am an athiest, but if I did believe in somthing, I would have to believe I was being punnished, but of caurse I'm not. Its just bad luck! This is the hand the chaotic universe has dealt me, but I cant keep bluffing forever. Every year the beast ups the stakes and I cant help feeling that one of these years I'm gonna fold.

Sigh ... well thats my tantrum. Dont be alarmed, I'm hanging in there this year, cos my family needs me ...

*badfly explodes in a torrent of futile fury! He throws living room ornaments and shouts at the cosmos!*

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by catlind on Jun 8^th, 2003, 6:56am

Hi Badfly,

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time :(
I know what it's like to want to give up during this horrible pain, we've all felt it. It's good to see you say that you are hanging in.

Ch'ers are the toughest SOB's in the world IMO. Hang in there and it WILL end.

What meds are you using? Do you have O2, immitrex, or verapamil?

Cat

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by badfly on Jun 8^th, 2003, 7:07am

I just moved to New Zealand 6 weeks ago and have not really mannaged to get everything sorted yet. So far I got a doc that will prescribe 6 Imetrix injections a week and as many Imetrix pills as I want to pop. Im almost at my peak (I hope) with 3 attacks a day now. They are all around 7 or 8 kip. I hold myself to a max of one injection and one pill with STRONG coffee a day. Sometimes I skip the pill, as I am pretty weary of rebounds. The injection I usually save for when I get an attack at an inopertune time like when I got a job interwiew or Im in a social setting. I have used o2 quite succesfully in the past, but havnt been able to organise one here yet. Mostly I use Charlie's "think the bloods going to your hands thing" (thanks Charlie, I read that about 4 years ago and although it doesnt work as well as one might have hoped, its better then nothing).

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by suzy617 on Jun 8^th, 2003, 7:17am

on 06/08/03 at 06:36:29, badfly wrote:

Every year the beast ups the stakes and I cant help feeling that one of these years I'm gonna fold.

You have to keep thinking that one of these years the beast is gonna fold, not you.
Hang in there and try to think of the pf times you have soon.
Good luck and I wish you well,
Suzy

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by nancyc on Jun 8^th, 2003, 9:57am

Damn, i hate post like this...i hate the pain of chs and the desperation...know i am praying for you, bro...and know you are NOT alone in this....my insurance company told me i could only get two imitrex shots per year LOL...wish they could get chs for one day and tell me that LOL...if you need to talk, email me..smiles,nancyc

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by Roxy on Jun 8^th, 2003, 11:30am

on 06/08/03 at 07:07:25, badfly wrote:

Im almost at my peak (I hope) with 3 attacks a day now. They are all around 7 or 8 kip.

badfly, I'm really sorry you are having a bad time right now. I'm glad you found this board though.......read the post's here of the people who are chronic, and manage to live a good and fulfilling life right along side the ch's. You are halfway through your cycle, on the downward spiral, so to speak, so this isn't the time to give up. You will be PF for a YEAR!!!!! Concentrate on that time......and be glad you will have that PF time for yourself and your family.

Take strength here at the board.......

Tracey

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by cootie on Jun 8^th, 2003, 4:40pm

Sorry for the rough time badfly....sending good vibes and PF vibes your way and hope things pick up for you work wise ect also ! Let the good vibes roll Pam

Title: Re: Throwing my toys out of the cot
Post by cathy on Jun 8^th, 2003, 5:05pm

Hey Badfly...nobody leaves the boat unless told to!! so pick up that oar and start rowing....

Sending you PF vibes to help you row harder.

Cathy :)