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Title: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Randn918 on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am I am fairly new to this board, but coming to rely on it rather quickly! I have had clusters for about 8 years and they have'nt changed pattern very much until this year. It scared me because the first thing I thought was "oh God, here I go chronic". Anyway, you guys are a special group of people. I think we all are. Think of the strength it takes to deal with this pain year after year. But I still can't help wonder "why me" I have been blessed in so many ways. I'm successful, my wife is a busy physician, we have a great marriage and a beautiful two year old daughter, but this cycle is really doing a number on me mentally. It's leaving me full of .....Questions! 1. Is this a trial from GOD to make me stronger? 2. Why do I feel guilty for avoiding playing with my little girl because I'm afraid it will set off a cluster. 3. I know that this cycle has put me into depression, should I ignore it or add another med. to the list. 4. Are there any older Cheads out there, do these things go away after 60? ;) 5. Am I imagining it, or is my carotid artery actually sore? 6. What can I do to get me through one more night? 7. OK, can I take the Prednisone just one more time or will it kill me or something? Anyway, I'm just rambling trying to wear myself out. |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Mark C on Apr 17th, 2003, 3:00am on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
No. on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
Because you are human, get over it. ;) on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
Maybe....see your doctor. You wouldnt be the first! on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
Charlie! on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
I would say a little of both. on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
This is a tough one.....post to the MB as long as you can and wait for morning. Sometimes my choices seem to be limited. on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
I doubt it will kill you but people around me are in danger when I am taking it! Hang in there brother, it will get better. It may get worse first....but it will get better. Come here and vent as much as you need, we are here. Good Luck. PFDAN's Mark |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by suzy617 on Apr 17th, 2003, 5:56am Hi Randn, Sorry your being hit again. Dont fear that you are going chronic, the beast will change his schedule from time to time with most but hopefully it will leave as quick as it came back. Most people during cycle do become paranoid about doing certain everyday things in life for fear of setting it off. Try to enjoy your daughter as you have before, maybe instead of pain you will find enjoyment. Hang in there, suzy |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by TomM on Apr 17th, 2003, 6:42am RandN918--You are not alone. Many of us get depressed during cylces but we turn to this board where you will find support and understanding. Do not feel guilty for not playing with your daughter or spending fun time with your wife. Are you Catholic, per chance? ;) IMHO, avoid using more meds for the depression but rather find solace in his board and refer to it frequently. Quote:
Regarding your meds..talk to your doc. Prednisone does not kill it merely depletes your bone density if over used and causes bad reactions if stopped suddenly. Stick around and post frequently. TomM |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Wendy1 on Apr 17th, 2003, 6:59am Do I ever wonder why me!!!! I used to, now I've come to accept it. It's only been in the last few cycles that I've sort of come out of my shell and given myself the support that I need. I try hard not to feel guilty about my h/a, after all, I did not ask for them, and I'm the one enduring the pain. When my girls were little (now 14 and 12) I did my best not to involve them. They are older now and understand I have h/a, and we deal with them and they WILL go away. We all work together to just get through them. My advice.... Read these message boards as much as you can, try e/thing and don't give up hope. During a cycle you feel you may be going chronic, because you think they will never end. PRAY for God's comfort and we will pray for you. None of us have the answer to why me, and we've given up trying to figure that one out, so let that one go. Concentrate on YOURSELF!!! and getting better. Hoping and praying for relief for you!!! Wendy |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by cheyenne on Apr 17th, 2003, 8:44am I just joined this support group this morning. I've had cluster headaches for 8 weeks and I am having one now (the tail end). It's nice to know I'm not the only person out there going through this sh*t. I haven't made it to work in a week and my social life has dropped. I can't handle this pain. I am going to see the doctor again today and I hope there is something he can do. I've started Lithum 5 days ago but it doesn't seem to have helped. Sometimes a heating pad on my head helps. I have them every night and I can't take it any more. If God is testing us - then I've f flunked because I can't go on like this! |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by kissmyglass on Apr 17th, 2003, 9:23am Physcian wife = free Imitrex samples ;D Seriously, hang in there...we know how you feel... Kev |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by TomM on Apr 17th, 2003, 9:39am on 04/17/03 at 08:44:50, cheyenne wrote:
TomM |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by jonny on Apr 17th, 2003, 11:00am on 04/17/03 at 06:59:46, Wendy1 wrote:
BINGO!!!!!...The "Why me" chant went out the window around year 20. The "Go away" and "It will end" chants still live on, sometimes I throw in a MF'er or two. Hang in there, Dude...it always ends!!! .............................jonny |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by tanner on Apr 17th, 2003, 11:44am iv'e got the answer to the "why me" cuz i'd rather it be me than anyone else i care about ya know...... sorry your havin such a bad time just now....same here! i will make you a deal though..you make it and so will i and together we can send alot of positive reinforcment to the great group here!! be strong, tim |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by JDH on Apr 17th, 2003, 12:02pm on 04/17/03 at 11:44:19, tanner wrote:
Good answer Tim, that's exactly the way I feel about it. I would rather take whatever is coming my way than to have anyone else I care about go through this b.s. The "why me?" thing is not even an an issue with me. The bottom line is that it IS me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it so why even trip on it. Good luck to you, hang tough and hope you get some relief soon...it will end! Jim |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Jill on Apr 17th, 2003, 3:33pm on 04/17/03 at 02:28:55, Randn918 wrote:
Every damn day that questions pops into my head. Every damn time that I am forced to dance with the beast I wonder why me. Every morning when I wake up in pain and am forced to live another day with this beast I wonder why me. Every damn time that I fall asleep just to wake up with a full blown attack I wonder why me. Every damn time that I have to go to the emergency room for help I wonder why me. I am chronic - so that questions comes to mind seven days a week, atleast eight times a day for the last fourteen months. All I can tell you is to be thankful that you know that your cycle will end in time and that when it does end, your life can go back to normal until the next bout comes along which if you are very lucky will be years. Jill Sorry for how bad this sounds - bad week with my doctor literally taking my pain meds away from me and I do mean taking them and dumping them. >:( |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by echo on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:23pm I used to wonder "Why Me?" Now I wonder "If not me who?" Would it be my brothers, my children, my wife? I would rather it be me that any of them. There are a few that I wish could experience just one so they would truly have a clue as to how bad they are. Hang in there. In the back of your mind remember that they will come to an end -- sometime. Might be a short reprieve but hopefully a long one. |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by jonny on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:27pm on 04/17/03 at 16:23:37, echo wrote:
I knew that was you sending me your extra CH's you bastard!!!.......LMAO ;D ..............................jonny |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Roxy on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:47pm If I have ever had the thought "Why me?" I don't remember it, because it was probably in the middle of a really spectactular hit. I spent the first couple of months after getting ch's just wondering WTF the damn things were, and worrying about what was causing them. When I was finally reassured that whatever they were (at this point, still no diagnosis) weren't fatal, then I just assumed that sooner or later we would find something to stop them. When I get worn down with them and tired of the whole thing, (and I know this is going to sound very Pollyanna-ish), I just remind myself that they aren't life threatening, and there are so many things which could be so much worse. The main thought is my head is that.....the attack will end, and life will go on. If I ever did think "Why me?" Well, I think echo said it best. on 04/17/03 at 16:23:37, echo wrote:
Except for the 'wife' part. Just change that to hubby! ;) |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by echo on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:48pm on 04/17/03 at 16:27:15, jonny wrote:
Hey! Mom told me to always share with my brothers. LOL ;D ;D |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by jonny on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:54pm on 04/17/03 at 16:48:59, echo wrote:
Seems we had Mom's alike, I'll be right over with my Aid's.....LOL ;D |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by brain_cramps on Apr 17th, 2003, 5:14pm on 04/17/03 at 12:02:27, JDH wrote:
couldn't have put it better, Jim grant |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by don on Apr 17th, 2003, 8:06pm Quote:
Probably during the first five years of the last 2 1/2 decades of these things. Then I realized that the energy put in to the WHY MEs was better spent on treating the damn things. |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by fubar on Apr 17th, 2003, 9:01pm Why Me? Why ask? It is what it is. You want to hear something stupidly profound? This life is not a rehearsal. No matter what you believe about religion and reincarnation or not, this particular life on Earth is a one shot deal. As such, why bother lamenting the trials and tribulations we all have to go through. Man, in the last 5 years, I’ve had more deaths among my close circle of friends (all but one), the tax man basically owning my ass, my wife left me cause she can’t deal with CH (plus, she’s a dysfunctional alcoholic… 15 years of fun, let me tell you)… more crap than a person should ever have to deal with. I thought having CH episodes a couple times a year was a drag… now I’m into month 14 of the last ‘episode’. Do I waste my time asking why this is all happening? Screw that. I’d rather prove to myself that nothing short of a bullet in the head is going to take me down. Depressed? You bet, sometimes. Defeated? No fuckin way. I’d rather spend my time bitching about HMO’s and ignorant doctors. Spend my energy on making sure I have the support system I need. Spend my PF time trying to make my kids believe that, no matter what, at the end of the day, you are the only person who can make yourself happy, and that has little or nothing to do with anything but your attitude. -Fu |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by don on Apr 17th, 2003, 9:21pm FUCKENEH FUBAR ! FUCKENEH |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by cluster0557 on Apr 17th, 2003, 9:32pm Why me !!! Hell does anyone of us know why we have been blessed with the appearence of the beast in our lives. I sure as hell don't know why it came into mine. I will say life sucks, then you die. Some b.s. saying I picked up when in the USMC. (otherwise know as the suck) Why me is just plain FUBAR...... I am gratefull it is me and not my wife or my daughters. So in a way why me is good. Let them have the migraines they have. Push any damn cluster vibes that may head their way straight to me. Yes it sucks but one thing it has done for many of us is made us more compassionate and caring for others. My nickels worth of thought on the matter. >:( |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Mastifflvr28 on Apr 17th, 2003, 10:07pm good one roxyianna :) I'm a weany clusterhead...only once a year for about 4 months...I have my magic bullets...I'm LUCKY. I don't have any other health problems, so I consider myself lucky just to have episodic clusters. Instead of "why me?", I ask..."why my friends?" These people here are the neatest people in the world...why THEM?? Mast |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Callico_Kid on Apr 18th, 2003, 12:40am Why Me? Good question. I was episodic for 25 yrs, but chronic now since March of 02. My question changed though when I lost a close friend to cancer of the bone. The agony of that is as close to CH as I have ever seen. In the last three years I have lost three other friends to cancer who were in their 30s and 40s. A very good friend of our family is in the later stages of MS, yet I see her in church every Sunday morning. (She is no longer able to make the evening services.) She never fails to have a smile on her face although she is in constant pain and is having trouble with the most basic of functions. She spends her time when unable to be in church praying for those of us she thinks of as being "sick", and I am grateful to be one she prays for. Every time I see Arlene I thank God that what I have won't kill me even though sometimes I wish it would or even that I could help it. Is God testing me to make me stronger? Another good question. Answer: No! God sometimes allows things into our lives for various purposes that we cannot see, but not as a test. One thing this has done for me is to develope compassion for others who are hurting from whatever source. If you are a believer I would recommend the book of Job to you. I have adopted a couple of verses that are a comfort to me. I didn't mean to write a book! I'm praying for PFDANs for you soon. jc PS Don't avoid your daughter. There are times you cannot handle it with her there, but in the other times treasure her. Your time with her is brief, enjoy it to the best you can. (I give mine away May 24 ;D) |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by SommelierCH on Apr 18th, 2003, 10:30am The thought of “Why me” has hit me, but only when my last cycle ended 12/29/02. Why do I get to escape. “Why me?”. I wish I could give some of my pain free days and nights, to someone like Jill or Roxy!!!! This board is the great equalizer. No matter how bad I felt, it was ALWAYS overshadowed by the pain felt by others on this board. Stay strong, David J. |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by Big_Dan on Apr 18th, 2003, 10:43am Hey, Rand.... sorry about the pain, Brother... :-/ I'm gunna address question 1 and leave the rest to the old timers... ;D ... God is in no way testing you. He isn't in to that. In terms of love for his children, He definatly doesn't. That'd be like trying to trick us.... ... and second, God is the one who least of all wants you to deal with this pain, and put those surrounding you through its second-hand misery.... ... just remember..."God will never let a demon put you through a test that you cannot pass."... I keep that with me, especially when I think about taking the "final pill".... -Big Dan |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by arby on Apr 18th, 2003, 10:53am No, I don’t ask why me anymore – maybe I should!! I am not chronic – many here are so why me? In cycle I only get 3-5 HA’s per day – others get 8 or more, so why me? Only about a third of mine hit 9-10 – others have a much higher rate if not all, so why me? I usually only get two cycles per year – others get 3 or 4, so why me? My cycles usually last 2 months – others last longer, so why me? I don’t think I have it bad compared to a lot of others so I now have to ask -- Why me? P.S. I also don’t live in Iraq Stay strong -- you will get through it. Ross |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by catlind on Apr 19th, 2003, 9:06am Why me? Easy. Because I'm lucky. Sound retarded? Of course it is, this is me talking ;) I'm lucky because I've found an entire community of the most loving, understanding, toughest, supporting group of people on the face of the earth. I asked why me until I found this home. Now I ask what can I do to help? How can I make this situation better for myself and everyone here? What can I do that will help us all? How can I give back to the people who have saved my life? What can I give that will stop just ONE person from crossing the threshold? How can I be proactive in gaining recognition from the medical community? What CAN I do...not what can't I do. Simple, at least for me. Seen alot of tough shit in my life, no one said life was fair. But I've found a group of people that no matter what I know I can count on them for anything. I'm honoured to be a part of that community. Does the pain suck? Sure, all pain does, just take what you need and leave the rest. Take the good stuff, focus on "what wonderful things are going to happen today" and not the negatives. Turn it into something powerful and motivating. :) Cat |
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Title: Re: Ever wonder "why me???"" Post by cluster0557 on Apr 20th, 2003, 12:53am Cat, Far from retarded statements. I think they apply to why a lot of us. So we can make a difference. Why me I ask me. Because I have made it thru the major cope phase. Now I can help others too. :'( It helps me help my daughter who has painful episodic clusters once a year. Having me around to hold comfort and get her through the nights is why me. I wonder what would have happened to my teenage daughter if why not me. ??? So in my own perverted way why me is something I am thankful for. ;D |
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