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Title: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 5th, 2003, 6:41pm I come home tonight and my wife infroms me that she is leaving me. I never, never, never, never am maudlin nor do I ask for "help" a lot, but what am I supposed to do? I feel like I am in a dream. And a bad one at that.... I just do not understand. I make tons of money, am compassionte, soft-spoken, kind, etc. and this is what I am greeted with when I come home??? What the fuck??? I need help, friends.....Help. |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by cathy on Mar 5th, 2003, 6:50pm :'(....Brian I am sooooo sorry ...I really don't know what to say, except I know everyone will be here for you....sometimes there is no reason why these things happen...just that they do, everything may seem unreal right at this moment but hang in there.....sending you some real strong vibes to try and help you through this... Cathy |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by cootie on Mar 5th, 2003, 6:58pm So sorry Brian_Y......did she give you a reason ?? Dam dude......I am really sorry esp if you didn't see that one comein that'd be one hell-of-a shocker.....keep in touch......least we can all lend an ear of nothin else.......Pam-Cootzie |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Roxy on Mar 5th, 2003, 6:59pm OMG Brian….I am so, so sorry. It’s not enough in life we have to take shit from this damned beast that haunts us, but sometimes it seems like it’s too much when all the life shit hits us too. I know there is nothing I can say or do to help your situation, just know that you have my thoughts and prayers. You are tough enough to handle this….you are a clusterhead, and there is no tougher group of people on the face of the earth. Just hang in there and be tough…we are all here for you. Sometimes life can have no rhyme or reason, and you feel like it’s just biting you on the ass for fun, but it will work out….even though you may not think so right now. Tracey |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Mark C on Mar 5th, 2003, 7:28pm Well fuck me running....another Clusterbud in a shit storm....damn...enough is enough. I dont know why it seem like us Clusterheads are getting more than our fair share of shit. Brian I am sorry.....I went through a divorce after being with the same woman for 17 years....and it sucked. It didnt kill me, but it sucked....big donkey dicks! About the only advice I can give you is to march right throught he middle of it so you can get to the other side. I am sending you extra powerful positive vibes...I hope it all works out for the best. PFDAN's Mark |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by 2late on Mar 5th, 2003, 7:28pm this suck's Brian, i have a good bud who had this happen, right outta the blue, he found out she was cheatin'.....i hope this isn't her reason, good luck i hope it works out for ya, let us know. ..........Jack |
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Title: IM supporting... Post by Ree on Mar 5th, 2003, 7:33pm Hi... This is what I want you to do... Go for a long ride get out of the car in a secluded area... preferably on a mountain or in a field away from everyone and scream as loud and as long as you can... Get back in your car. Go home and start taking care of yourself. Get up tomorrow, take a shower and look the best you can... Dive into your work. Think about YOU and what YOU will do with the rest of YOUR life. The best revenge is to make her sorry that she ever uttered those words to you. YOU WILL overcome. When my X left me I thought of all the things he had told me for years... No one would want me... I was worthless, stupid, you name it. I showed him. I cried and screamed and kicked and threw my tantrum then I picked myself up and did better than him... Not so much financially at first but spritually... it felt good not to have him around. Then when I felt better I started smiling more... working better. He wanted to come back... I would have needed a labotomy to take him back... Within four years I had done things I would have never done with him in my life... I moved out of my home town... I married one of my best friends and bought a house. My boys grades went up. Life got much better. Now I have a little girl to add to my list of things I would never have had if I had stayed with him... Now there are times that THIS LIFE isnt easy either... but when I think of where I was then... I am so happy to be HERE. Maybe she did you the biggest favor yet... it might take a while to see it but... remember my story and tell me later if I am right. Who knows maybe your CH attacks will end... Good luck friend... I hope God sends you an Angel... remember folks I know its Lent I'm supporting I'm doin Gods work... |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Charlie on Mar 5th, 2003, 7:36pm Damn sorry Brian. I don't know what to say other than maybe time can be a factor. Rats. Ya never get a break. Charlie |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by tanner on Mar 5th, 2003, 7:41pm my god brian, i am so sorry to hear this . hang tough my friend........ in our next lives we are all gonna be spectacular, pain free, always happy, fantastically rich in both mind and spirit!!!!!! cuz we are payin some big fuckin dues............... tim |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Lori on Mar 5th, 2003, 7:56pm I am really sorry to hear yet another family will be broken. My husband and I divorced each other about 4 yrs ago and then remarried (each other) a year later. I see alot of the things we did wrong that led us to divorce. My advice to you would be to try to do everything in your power to save the marriage. If you do everything in your power and she still insists on leaving,,,at least you personally will not have any regrets of not trying to save the marriage. Get counseling, if she refuses, go get it yourself. Better yet! Go to www.divorcecare.com and look for a class in your area. I went to these classes after my husband and I decided to remarry (I was still confused) and I know if I would have gone to these classes before we divorced,,,I would have never gone thru with the divorce. These classes are a must, even if she won't go, you go and they will help you in your healing process. I wish you the best of luck Brian. |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by StanTheMan on Mar 5th, 2003, 8:35pm Brian, I'm so very sorry to hear about this. I have never walked where you are right now, so I can't say "I've been there. But know that you are surrounded by a whole bunch of clusterheads that really care about you!! I agree with Lori (just for what it's worth). If you really love this gal -- fight this divorce. Granted, IF she hasn't been faithful -- that can put a new swist on the whole situation. Bottom line: Many marriages can be saved! She would have to meet you half-way, of course. But like Lori said, even if you try to save it and you fail, at least you'll have the peace of mind that says "I honestly tried to make it work". Hang in there, Brian. Prayers, Stan |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 5th, 2003, 8:42pm Thank you all...I mean that too. I feel as tho I am in an absurdist play or something. Nothing was wrong. I do not get it. I guess I'm just sad. Been crying for a few hours. Not done that in a while. It's simply puzzling. Maybe that's the problem after I think about it. I look at things as just some intellectual puzzle. Regardless, I am just sad I reckon. Who am I gonna hold hands woith now? Or go shagging with in Charleston? So ridiculous. Maybe I should just give up...So so rdiculous. But I do thank you all for your kindness... |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by woobie on Mar 6th, 2003, 7:44am on 03/05/03 at 20:42:26, Brian_Y wrote:
UMmmmmmmm??? Give up WHAT?? Whatchu talkin bout willis?? Listen here.. Clusterheads dont give up NUTTIN!! You hang in there.. do what you have to do to get thru it.. but GET THRU IT!! You will be ok!! Please dont give up!!!! If I've learned anything from this site, it's that Clusterheads are THE strongest people in the world, and they DONT give up!! I like REE's advice best.. Keep your chin up!! Let us know how you are!! Tina :-* |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by suzy617 on Mar 6th, 2003, 8:19am Brian, So sorry for whats going on in your life right now, damn... I have nothing to offer other then all the great advice you've been offered already so I will just let you know we are always here for you and you will get thru this and move on. It just all takes time... suzy |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by echo on Mar 6th, 2003, 8:39am Sorry to read this Brian. It sucks. Been there. Suggestion: Hire an attorney TODAY and file first. You got to beat her to the court docket. You can always pull yours if the tides change. You'll get a better shake it you are 1st through the door. Good luck |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Ann on Mar 6th, 2003, 9:01am Brian, Give up? ARe you nuts? No way are you going to give up. That's too easy and no self respecting clusterhead would do that! Sometimes, we think everything is perfect and we live on a cloud. What's perfect to us isn't necessarily perfect to our spouse. Talk to her and find out why. I don't know the circumstances, but I bet that there is some way the two of you can work this out. Communication is the only way to solve this. Talk to each other, don't give up. Marriage is never easy in the best of circumstances..when dealing with illness it really puts a strain. TALK TO HER!!! Hugs and positive vibes to you Ann |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Peppermint on Mar 6th, 2003, 9:12am WTF seems to be the words hanging over many people's heads lately, and this is not a good thing. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It really is harsh when you don't have the answer to "Why?" Echo may have a point there....you may not feel up to it but you may be the better for it in the long run. Give up?....Nope Brian, never thought you'd be thinking that you'd be thinking that way. Peace man. Everything will be ok. |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by kim on Mar 6th, 2003, 9:22am Brian, Don't give up! You got a lot of good advice here. The only thing we can't make go away is the pain that you have to go through and that really sucks. I wish it weren't so, but it is. Please know that you are not alone. Many people here who are with you every step of the way, whicever way those steps lead!!! Peace, Kim |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by CathiP on Mar 6th, 2003, 12:01pm Brian, No advice, never been there, I can only tell you to push through this-with all your might! You don't even know what the outcome might be, so, as I have been told on many occasions, "take the high road".....and look out for yourself and your daughter. You do have plenty of friends here, please continue to post , so we know you're okay, and HEY, you're a CLUSTERHEAD! You will rise from these ashes. Check in with us when you can, Brian, let us know you're surviving- but I know you will. Let me know when you're due in town, and give me a jingle if I can help. Cathi |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by TomM on Mar 6th, 2003, 12:08pm Brian--You have been a lot of advice in this thread and I have nothing to offer but well wishes. Good luck. TomM |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 6th, 2003, 2:34pm I am NOT giving up, goddammit. Not. No one here knows me persoannly, but I can tel you this. I'll rot in hell before I give up. Giving up is for pussies. Excuse my French, but I have had enough....I'll keep you apprised.... |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by woobie on Mar 6th, 2003, 3:13pm GOOD for YOU Brain!! Glad to hear it!! Hang in there!! Tina :-* |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by CathiP on Mar 6th, 2003, 3:44pm Now, THAT'S the right attitude! No blanket over your head, no surrender!! You know what you want, and you'll fight for it..... You make me proud, Brian! Cathi |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by TomM on Mar 6th, 2003, 4:56pm That's Excellent news! |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by K. on Mar 6th, 2003, 5:31pm on 03/06/03 at 14:34:27, Brian_Y wrote:
FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN !!! Karen |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 6th, 2003, 6:15pm I was hesitant to write y'all, I have to admit. Hesitant. When I was in boarding school, my headmaster told me once that indulging in the emotions of others was a sign of weakness. I know now he was FOS. Although I still go back for our Woodberry Forest V. Episcopal game each year...HA HA!!! Point being, I want to thank you all. Your thoughts mean a lot to me. I hope you all are well....... Suffice it to say, I love you guys. And I don't say that often..... Fighting the good fight, B |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by suzy617 on Mar 6th, 2003, 6:18pm Way to go Brian! Keep ya head up high, walk tall and stay strong. suzy |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Peppermint on Mar 6th, 2003, 9:22pm Brian... Don't know you personally. Have only read your crisp posts on the board - Now....(sorry for the ellipses ;D) THIS, THIS! is more like the BrianY I've been reading here all this time. Hey, its better to "talk" about things (or post) than let them build up into one big burst - or worse, implode! Vent away - I hope you find it easier to "get by with a little help from your friends" here. Good thoughts, good thoughts. :) |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 7th, 2003, 8:18am Peppermint, I have to laff about the ellipses comment. Thanks for making me smile. Ya jackass!!!!! ;) |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Ann on Mar 7th, 2003, 8:25am EEIIHHHAAAAA!!! Ride em cowboy!! Now that's what I wanted to hear, (read!) You go Brian and give em shit!!! Let the fighting commence. (good fighting not bad fighting! hehe :-/) big hugs Ann |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by nancyc on Mar 7th, 2003, 9:22am Brian, just saw your post...hang in there brother...dont you have a new baby? Has your wife been down or depressed since the baby was born? Just a thought...call me if you need to talk...smiles,nancyc |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by cerebus on Mar 7th, 2003, 11:14am Geez man.....! whats the deal? I know its not likely, but just for shits and giggles, wouldn't this be a hoot? Wife announces divorce and leaves, headaches go away........A man can dream can't he? here for ya B.... Ramon |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by kissmyglass on Mar 7th, 2003, 11:32am Sheesh...I wish my wife would come home & inform me she was leaving... ;) hang tough brian! Kev C |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by cootie on Mar 7th, 2003, 11:33am Brian if ya keep things built up inside you'll show yer weakness by becomein a postal type...or Jeffery Domer type (munch man).....it comes out one way or the other.....it's like crappin.......ya gotta do it ta be healthy. Oh my...did I jus say that....not very lady like was it.....sorry.....Pam-Coots-foul-mouth-fer-the-day |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Peppermint on Mar 7th, 2003, 11:10pm on 03/07/03 at 08:18:14, Brian_Y wrote:
Ahhhhhhh... :D ...... CRRRRRISPYYYY!!!!! ;D ;D ;D dING, ding, DING!............. :-* |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 10th, 2003, 3:29pm "Crisp" meaning dickhead, correct? |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by CathiP on Mar 10th, 2003, 5:12pm Crisp DOES NOT translate to Dickhead! Pep is offering her support as well- I know, it's so hard to see anything but the negative right now, Brian- but you're safe here- well, except from ellipses- cause it's like asking me to talk without my hands!!!! Now can you please tell me what shagging is (the OTHER definition)- and why one can only do it in Charleston? Cathi.......curious as usual |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Peppermint on Mar 10th, 2003, 9:17pm on 03/10/03 at 15:29:24, Brian_Y wrote:
Briiiiannnn... :-[..... Nooooo man. :P Crispy is.... Sharp, witty, down-to-earth.... good things... Dude.. that means I like the way you express yourself... ok, ok.. its the head talking ??? Hang in there Brian... take it easy if ya can help yourself. &... what DOES shagg mean??? ;D |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Brian_Y on Mar 12th, 2003, 10:13am The "Shag" is the native dance of SC. You do it to stuff called Beach Music, but NOT California beach musich. This is old 1950's and 60's stuff. We do it while we lounge about having martinis (not during episodes, no no) and at the Beach. It's corny, but it was something we enjoyed together cuz she is from the low country here (that's the Charleston/Beaufort/Hilton Head area for those of you not in God's country. NOTE: We spoke last night and she is willing to maybe work this thing out. I think she is having issues what with the enormous amount of stress on teh relationship with our child, with money. You know, LIFE? I am going home tonight and we'll see what we can do. I've already made arrnagments to speak with a "third" party. One more note: Shag is also a British word for uh, um, er, screwing. It's a MAN, baby!!!! BTW, thank you ALL so much. I feel like a new man today. Still shaky and worn, but alive at least. I also know that "crispy" did not mean dickhead. I was trying to be ironic, but that is a lost art with me because, well, I am a dickhead. Tally ho!!! |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by CJohnson on Mar 12th, 2003, 10:35am My ex-wife sprung something like that on me 6 years ago. I am now re-married and kick myself in the butt for having been with my ex in the first place. Shortly after she moved out I went into a cycle. I was feeling so sorry for myself I wanted to.... Well, I got through it and am now happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I feel your pain, believe me. It sucks sooo bad. You will be tempted to do a lot of crazy things during this time. When I was going through it someone gave me some good advice. Make sure you think about this before you say or do anything: 'Is what I am about to say or do consistent with the man I am or strive to be?' Good luck. |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by NotH20 on Mar 12th, 2003, 11:04am Brian, Guess I'm a little late to this thread and originally I wanted to add my "good vibes" out to you...but after reading your last post and your wife wanting to talk about getting back together - well I guess a more appropriate reponse to be: FUCKENYEAH!!!!!! Keep us posted....life stuff is extremely stressful and there must be some down time for everyone. Financial problems just add more stress and that makes for unhappy people and an unhappy marriage. Keep that faith that your love is strong enough to go through the roughest of time..... Mia |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by BruceD on Mar 12th, 2003, 11:23am Hey Brian, I'm sorry I'm a bit late to this dance, but I just read through the posts. First of all, let me commend you for taking the high road and not lashing out. Not once did I see you say anything derogatory or out of anger. What I saw was someone responding well to a complete shock. Kudos to you. I am a firm believer in marriage. My wife & I have been married for 13 years (as long as I've been a clusterhead) and I cannot imagine making it through life without her. After reading that you're recent parents (first child I assume) I would say that the life change has shocked your wife a good bit. I have a friend from church & after the birth of their 2nd his wife went into major postpartum depression. It was really hard for both of them to work through it, but by taking their time as well as seeking some counseling they are both non-the-worse for wear. The depression, along with the additional changes in her responsibilities at home, really made for a horrible situation. Becoming a parent is probably one of the biggest life changes I can attest to, especially if you have been married for a bit of time before children. Your social life grinds to a standstill and first-time parents often FRAP way too easily. (Frantic Random Anxiety Period) It’s easy to worry about nothing … :) I’m glad to hear that you and your wife are going to try to work through things. After all, it’s more than just you and her now … gotta think of your kid too. I’ll be thinking and praying for you and your situation. By the way, I love SC. We have very dear friends who lived in Columbia (and later Spartanburg) and we’d go down a couple of times each year to visit them for a week or two. Gotta love that Charleston area too … Battery Park … A.W. Shucks … what else does a guy need? Take care, BruceD |
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Title: Re: W. T. F??? Post by Peppermint on Mar 12th, 2003, 12:26pm That's really great news Brian. I hope you both find a way to work things out. Oh, that's cute, the "shag" - does it go well with Cosmos (I don't drink regular martini's) too??? I am familiar however with the the other "shag" (thank you my British friends :D) - but I was pretty sure that's not what you meant. Keep your chin up Brian & go for it - a relationship truly worth saving is worth the effort! ;) |
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