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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> In the news
        
(Message started by: Ted on Mar 4^th, 2003, 12:11am)

Title: In the news
Post by Ted on Mar 4^th, 2003, 12:11am

From National Lampoon, of course. And like always, some are lame and some are good:

Iraq agrees to destroy missiles; "what say we blow them up over Kuwait," chuckles Saddam Hussein

Underage teens drink nearly 20% of the alcohol consumed in the US; Other 80% consumed by Yankee pitcher David Wells

Cost of the common cold to US economy put at $40 billion; Alarmed by the news, Bush vows to declare war on Iraq

Carrie-Anne Moss of "the Matrix" is expecting her first baby; delivery expected to be in super slow motion "bullet time" and marred by presence of anti-virus killer software 'bots

The "Lysistrata Project" asks women to withhold sex if there is a war; "And that will change my sex life exactly how?" wonders married New Jersey man

Dionne Warwick claims she was framed when authorities found marijuana in her bag; "Oh yes, it happens all the time," nods OJ Simpson sympathetically

NASA experts debated shuttle risks for over five days; Scientist who predicted it would blow up after troubles with the left wing wins $25 pool

Whole grain breakfast cereals cut heart disease by 20%; "What about Captain Crunch?" asks Italian-American man living in mother's basement

Hooters to start own airline; "Our organization has a long history of defying gravity," says spokesman with Double D breasts and no bra

Airline security to assign color code to passengers; "White and Yellow are considered low threats," states official, "Brown people will be immediately searched"