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Title: A Brief Military History of France Post by Slammy on Feb 12th, 2003, 8:06pm So the French still aren't on board with us spanking Iraq. Oh boo hoo. Let's take a look at the mighty French military prowess, shall we? Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkish Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France surrenders?" Slammy 8) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by jonny on Feb 12th, 2003, 8:14pm WOW!!!.........I got a French rifle on e-bay. Never used and dropped many times. ...........................jonny (Access of weasles) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Jarvis on Feb 12th, 2003, 8:58pm "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. ...........................whats an Esquimaux? |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Mark C on Feb 12th, 2003, 9:12pm http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=31001 "I was at a celebration of India's Independence Day, and a Frenchman came walking up to me and started talking to me about Iraq, and it was obvious we were not going to agree. And I said, 'Wait a minute. Do you speak German?' And he looked at me kind of funny and said, 'No, I don't speak German.' And I said, 'You're welcome,' turned around and walked off." -- Tom DeLay (the House Majority Leader) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Charlie on Feb 12th, 2003, 9:14pm Quote:
This isn't very true as we weren't the major player but that was pretty cute. Even simpler: France attacks its friends and surrenders to its enemies. http://C:\visioneer documents\a\my pictures\af\nuke.gif Charlie |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Roxy on Feb 12th, 2003, 9:42pm ;D Go Slammy Go ;D |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by jimbo on Feb 12th, 2003, 9:49pm Slammy, Thanx for the great post!!!!!!!!!!!! And to the two people who tried to rip on me for what I said on a different thread pertaining to the same subject I say "OOPS" ;D Thanxagain Slammy, you da man! ;) Seeya, Jim J. (See jonny, I knew I could do it!) HONK!!!!!!!! 8) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Lenny on Feb 13th, 2003, 9:53am Slammy, Fantastic post !! I was there in august of 1994, they wre celabrating the 50 years liberation of france ( i beleive it started on 08-12-94 )every morning they had parades and in the evening more celabrations with fireworks,etc.. What i am getting to is this fucked up nation and their citizens act ed as if this Charles DeGaulle liberated them by himself ( there were many military men and women from the U.S. ).Now i went to 2 of these events in the evening (partying,drinking,but most of all i was there for the ladies ;D). I was disguested how they would honor their own as if they did all the fighting and more or less not even mention the Americans( there was appr.3 ships of American military there for this )as for myself i just happen to be there with acouple of of bud's while this was going on.I felt so bad for the American( military people that were there ) it was as if they were'nt. BOYCOTT anything from FRANCE,GERMANY and KOREA !!! Just how i feel. |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Lenny on Feb 13th, 2003, 10:05am One more thing,during the gulf war, their news were claiming that we were buring these poor iraqi soldiers alive ( even the one's that were surrendering ). A very good friend of mine was there and this is what the french news media was reporting. |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by jimbo on Feb 13th, 2003, 10:06am Mark C. I am literally ROTFLMMFAO!!!!! ;D ;D ;D Seeya, Jimbo |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Ted on Feb 13th, 2003, 10:54am on 02/13/03 at 10:05:10, Lenny wrote:
We did. It was reported on our news too. Morbid as it is, it was a pretty clever thing to do. It was so simple it was genius. Our big fear for having casualties then was that the Iraqis were building trenches and tunnels in the desert and there would be some pretty heavy firefights to get by these entrenched soldiers. So, often our first line of advancing troops were bulldozers that just filled in the trenches and closed off all tunnels. Got rid of that problem and saved probably hundred or thousands of American soldiers' lives. |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by don on Feb 13th, 2003, 11:31am With a little luck they will fight alondside the Iraqis. They too can surrender to photographers. The Arc de Run Away Run Away! |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Riccardo on Feb 13th, 2003, 12:01pm on 02/12/03 at 20:06:10, Slammy wrote:
Mr Slammy I'm really upset with you!! Why do you start this offensive words about Italian valour? And have you forgotten when in IRAQ, our air force hardly fought against Saddam? So we only won 2 wars? Not correct! In fact, Italy, from when is in this actual boot shape.... (and a "boot shape" tells clearly how we are....) NEVER WON A BATTLE!!!! EVER The 2 wars against French were between French and Piedmont (Savoy Monarchy there.... and... for the record.... where I actually live...) So ..... don't say Italy is a poor winner of wars...... NEVER WON! Oh...Ahem... and in IRAQ, 10 years ago..... two pilots on a hunter.... the unique mission ..... both caught, both prisoners......and without a shot from air or ground..... a success!.... ;D I hope that Italy will not have to fight..... NEVER! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by cbolony on Feb 13th, 2003, 12:05pm Quote:
Great post |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Ueli on Feb 13th, 2003, 1:13pm Only three words to this thread: |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by fubar on Feb 13th, 2003, 2:09pm C'mon Ueli, First of all, a fair bit of this is toungue-in-cheek humor, but you can't argue with history, even when you're fed the sanitized and Americanized versions that we are fed by our media and schools. I wonder about France's motives behind their position, but I haven't seen any speculation about that, have you? The only discussion is about America's damn-the-torpedoes march towards war. Remember: "France will always be there when they need us!" -anonymous -Fu |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by fubar on Feb 13th, 2003, 4:25pm "Going to war without France is like going deer-hunting without an accordion" -anoymous (Ueli...relax, it's a joke) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Slammy on Feb 13th, 2003, 4:32pm on 02/13/03 at 13:13:38, Ueli wrote:
Ewwwwwwwww Wayley! ;D Why would you want to fuck an ugly American? :D Slammy 8) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by jonny on Feb 13th, 2003, 4:47pm Man, I was just about to post a pic of a beautiful American Mule. But then I thunk (yes, thunk) that Ueli was just in a bad mood like I get in sometimes and type things I dont really mean. I could be wrong. ..........................jonny HONK!!!!! |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by oringkid on Feb 13th, 2003, 5:08pm The French are lovers, not fighters! Ask any Frenchman! I have a friend who is French and last I talked to him, (before xmas 2001) his government was really having/causing problems. I don't know what is going on right now, but my own personal opinion is that France will wait to see who gets on board with who, and try to deduce where their best interests lie and align themselves accordingly. Sherry |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Mark C on Feb 13th, 2003, 5:38pm on 02/13/03 at 13:13:38, Ueli wrote:
Information provided by the US Department of State. Countries Who Lost Citizens in the World Trade Center Attacks. Antigua & Barbuda Argentina Australia Austria Bahamas Bangladesh Barbados Belgium Belarus Belize Bolivia Brazil Cambodia Canada Chile China Colombia Costa Rica Czech Republic Dominica Dominican Republic Ecuador Egypt El Salvador France Germany Ghana Greece Guatemala Guyana Haiti Honduras Hong Kong India Indonesia Iran Ireland Israel Italy Jamaica Japan Jordan Kenya Lebanon Luxembourg Malaysia Mexico Morocco The Netherlands New Zealand Nicaragua Norway Pakistan Panama Paraguay Peru Philippines Poland Portugal Romania Russia Slovakia South Africa South Korea Spain Sri Lanka St. Kitts & Nevis St. Lucia Sweden Switzerland Taiwan Thailand Trinidad & Tobago Turkey Ukraine United Kingdom United States of America Uruguay Uzbekistan Venezuela Yemen Zimbabwe For a list of Fucking Ugly Americans killed and other innocents, in one attack, click here. (http://www.september11-tribute.org/Victims/WTCVictims.htm) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Slammy on Feb 13th, 2003, 5:44pm Hey! What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their arms up? ;D Slammy 8) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by jonny on Feb 13th, 2003, 5:50pm on 02/13/03 at 17:44:02, Slammy wrote:
PUSSIES!!!!? .......................jonny HONKER!!!! |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Mark C on Feb 13th, 2003, 5:52pm on 02/13/03 at 17:44:02, Slammy wrote:
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Slammy on Feb 13th, 2003, 5:55pm on 02/13/03 at 17:50:13, jonny wrote:
Close! no, their Army! ;D Slammy 8) |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by TomM on Feb 13th, 2003, 6:11pm Quote:
OUCH! |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by cathy on Feb 13th, 2003, 6:48pm ;D ;D Did you know in a french tank there are 6 gears.... 5 Reverse and 1 Forward in case they are attacked from behind.... ;D We have heard though that the French are going to Iraq.... to teach them how to surrender.... Hey Slammy.... :-* |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by Jim R on Feb 15th, 2003, 3:31am Excellent...excellent Slam Man - Jim R |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by BobG on Feb 15th, 2003, 4:31pm I am a proud American, born and raised. All this bashing and name calling and questioning of the bravery of the French is one of the funniest strings ever. Thanks slammy. ;D |
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Title: Re: A Brief Military History of France Post by cerebus on Feb 16th, 2003, 1:19am LMMFAO!!!!! Ramon |
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