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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> The Boston Globe Headlines
        
(Message started by: Ted on Feb 11^th, 2003, 3:02am)

Title: The Boston Globe Headlines
Post by Ted on Feb 11^th, 2003, 3:02am

Like you didn't know they're from National Lampoon:

Most newborns in California are Hispanic; "Oh, please, don't let our baby turn out that way!" frets expecting white couple unclear on what the statistic actually means

Europeans get new pill to rival Viagra; have yet to develop pill that simulates effect of a shower

Lucas building $300 million dollar Special Effects campus for his film company; "he might be better served by hiring some writers," notes filmgoer

Men who don't shave daily are 70% more likely to suffer a stroke; 90% more likely to enjoy Southern Rock

George Clooney snaps at critic who called Solaris boring; "any reviewer worth his salt would have called it 'unwatchable dreck!'" mutters star angrily

Potential terror attacks deemed to include "soft targets" such as hotels, subways, Rosie O'Donnell's stomach

Police work to build murder case against Phil Spector; Prosecutor plans "Wall of Evidence" at trial

700 Australian women pose nude to protest Australia's likely involvement in a potential war in Iraq; Australian generals frantically think of other countries to invade

By week's end 150,000 US troops will be in position in the Persian Gulf; enough to launch invasion on Iraq, or feel safe in downtown Newark

Student sues high school to change his A grade to an A+; Judge orders him wedgied

Annoying Dell computer spokesman Benjamin Curtis arrested for marijuana possession; Pun-loving policeman says "Dude, you're getting a cell" over forty times before being restrained by fellow officers

Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day:

http://www.nationallampoon.com/modstyles/wwwaste/loveis/lovedomme.jpg

http://www.nationallampoon.com/modstyles/wwwaste/loveis/lovemongo.jpg

http://www.nationallampoon.com/modstyles/wwwaste/loveis/loveuncle2.jpg

Title: Re: The Boston Globe Headlines
Post by don on Feb 11^th, 2003, 1:14pm

IF it's in the Boston Globe

THEN it must be true.

JUST like pro wrestling