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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> Punxsutawney Shadows
        
(Message started by: Ted on Feb 4^th, 2003, 3:21am)

Title: Punxsutawney Shadows
Post by Ted on Feb 4^th, 2003, 3:21am

Gunman surrenders after freeing Miami Postal Worker; "I suddenly realized I was trapped with a Postal Worker," says horrified hijacker

Even users of "hands-free" cell phones are more likely to be in accidents; "fortunately, they tend to be Hollywood agents, so it's not that big a tragedy," says researcher

Punxsutawney Phil sees shadow; discovers what evil lurks in the Hearts of Men

North Atlantic Shark Populations in rapid decline; "on the bright side, there's never been a better time to swim in the North Atlantic," notes optimistic Fishing Industry spokesman

Bush sends $2.23 trillion budget to Congress; key points include Tax-Cuts, Medicare overhaul, $252 billion in "impulse-buys" from Tower Records

Schwarzenegger undergoes surgery for rotator cuff torn while filming T3; conservatively estimated to have said "I'll be back" to pre-op nurses over 100 times in 24-hour period

Space Shuttle explodes; NASA places blame on damaged heat tiles, pervasiveness of 80's retro-chic

Illinois probes toddler chained to bedpost; "I wish they would have just let me go," sighs preschooler

Grocery clerk saw Laci Peterson but "forgot to report her" despite being begged by kidnapped woman to call the police; "But I'm really good at remembering birthdays!" says clerk brightly

US may debut secret microwave weapon against Iraq; "We have the ability to preemptively pop all their corn," gloats general