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Title: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 12:07pm What else can I say....... Jill >:( Sorry....bad day.... :'( |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by brain_cramps on Dec 19th, 2002, 12:09pm WOW!!! That's gotta be your shortest post ever! Hang in there! Grant |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Mark C on Dec 19th, 2002, 12:13pm |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 3:42pm Damn this beast....can I say it a hundred times today?? Seven dances today, seven hits, seven what used to be fights but is now just times to beg for relief....seven and it is early. One functioning eye, bruised face, sore neck.....damn this beast. >:( So what is the thing people call pain free?? When is it my turn? ??? Fear, that is all that I can do, fear the next dance....damn this beast.... Jill >:( :'( sorry, know that no one wants to hear this....really bad day.... :-[ |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 3:43pm Damn this beast....can I say it a hundred times today?? Seven dances today, seven hits, seven what used to be fights but is now just times to beg for relief....seven and it is early still. One functioning eye, bruised face, sore neck.....damn this beast. >:( So what is the thing people call pain free?? When is it my turn? ??? Fear, that is all that I can do, fear the next dance....damn this beast.... Jill >:( :'( sorry, know that no one wants to hear this....really bad day.... :-[ |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 3:44pm Sorry...damn computer...damn beast.....geesh...>:( Jill |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by CathiP on Dec 19th, 2002, 5:00pm Jill, darlin' USE YOUR PEAS! Both bags if necessary! You've GOT to remain strong....everyone here is with you, and sending you their own brand of energy. DO NOT let this affliction get the best of you- you are stronger than it! Sending comfort and hugs, darlin' |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Roxy on Dec 19th, 2002, 5:28pm Not just damn the beast...damn it to hell and back. I got hit 6 times yesterday. Three during the day, three at night. At least no one was around to watch except for the last one. I haven't let anyone else in my family (except my husband) see me in the midst of one. I have the only damn kids that are awake at 3:30 in the morning... I thought they were asleep. My son caught me bent over, ass in the air, with my head stuck in the under the counter ice maker. (yes mom, I did clean the ice out later). He asked me how much wine I'd had to drink....scared my daughter, she was trying to haul me...flannel pants and all to the ER. I'd like to know how everyone else handles an attack! Do you sit and break chair arms....pace...bang walls...cuss...cry...or are you able to face this stoic and with some dignity? Cause I sure as hell can't!!! My son now knows I can imaginatively, out cuss his whole fraternity (he knew I was pretty good before...but not quite in that league). He said at one point I was banging my head on the arm of the couch while rhythmically uttering fuck, fuck, fuck…said it had a definite metronome quality. I remember doing it…but didn’t even think about it at the time. IS THIS NORMAL? You can hear what people say to you…but it’s like it doesn’t even really penetrate. I was really scared last night. I had tried to tell my kids…I didn’t mean to scare them. We laughed about it later…well, my son did. He wants vocabulary lessons, and asked if he could use the ice machine for hangovers. My daughter still won’t really talk about it. How are you supposed to feel after these stupid damn things? I always feel like I’ve been hit by a truck (or rode hard and put up wet…but I thought that might cause too many comment…LOL), I’m just exhausted after one. IS THIS NORMAL? It’s driving me crazy…and believe me, that’s not a long trip. |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by brain_cramps on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:01pm My neighbors saw me at 2:30AM in the back yard crawling around by myself, holding my head, yelling "Get the fuck out of there!" and didn't call 911. go figure. |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by domm on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:10pm Normal ? - nothing is "normal" when the beast decides to beat the shit out of your head. After my attacks, I always felt relieved and almost euphoric - "Oh Yeah you rotten MOFO, I beat you this time...." false bravado I'm afraid. He always seemed to pay me back double the next time. Are there no meds working for either of you? Geez - I wish I could help, but all I can offer is some hope. It DOES go away (for episodics) and I hope and pray you're not chronic. I don't know how they can handle it every day. They are made of sturdier stuff than I. Hang tough and let me know how I can help. domm |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Roxy on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:10pm Was that you? You know...when I looked out my window....LOL Thanks, I don't feel quite so bad now. R |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by cathy on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:27pm on 12/19/02 at 17:28:05, Roxy wrote:
Hey, Im so sorry you are suffering and I hope the above goes a little way to cheering you up, I will be sending you all my PF energy, take care...... :) Whatever you have to do to fight the beast is okay by us.......and if anyone else has a problem them with it .....send them HERE !!!! Cathy :) |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by dodger on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:35pm :'( Roxy: Going to try this again. I was going to send this sooner but I had a visitor, you know who I mean. What your going through sounds familiar. Lately I have been getting hit about 5-6 times during the day + a couple of times at night after I've fallen asleep. As far as what other people do during an attack, I think that everybody develops their own individual routine. I'll pass this alongand it might help you or someone else. At the 1st. sign , I put water on my head and then rub it withan ice cube, then I stand in front of a fan. Lately mine have only been lasting 10-20 min. (what a breeze) I also try to keep my breathing shallow, and from time to time take sudden deep breaths. It seems I have been able to keep pretty good control of them by doing this. I don't get into my pacing and dancing act unless a 9 or 10 develops. Sounds like your getting up into that range. Hope some of this helps you. |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by paul_b on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:42pm My two little dogs Guido and Cleo watch me pace back and forth and back and forth as I talk to myself. I imagine them thinking all kinds of things as a distraction to the pain. Yup, they have concluded I am weird. They haven't asked for a transfer to a more sane household. I'm glad. Pets are a great source of comfort. Doing Cleo a return favor. She ruptured a disk Monday and last night was her first night back from the vet. She can't support herself on her back legs right now but the wife and I hope that things will improve. Cleo and I are taking one day at time. |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:45pm So...uh...where is that energy? Too many damn fights to feel it, this stinks to say the least. Damn this beast....can I just keep saying it? I would say damn this beast to hell but I am living in hell now so what good would it do? I have nothing, not a thing to help with this damn beast (sorry). No preventatives, no abortives....lets not go there. Just my bag of peas that my mom keeps trying to take from me and the nasty coffee, if I am lucky. Alot of good that does me.. Damn beast, gets me going for an hour to an hour and a half, pure torture. There is something besides a Kip 8,9 and 10....damn. :-/ Coping, yeah right....understanding what a bunch of __. My parents told me yesterday to take it outside, they got tired of the crying and the head banging and the cursing....so the barn it is.....just great. Afterwards, just want to crash but cant do that...no stinking way...that just leads to another one. Sleep what the heck is that? Damn this beast. Man, this is one bitter post....sorry....been a bad day. :( One more time, damn this beast as he comes again full force....damn it damn it....you get the idea... >:( Jill :'( >:( sorry.... |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by rat on Dec 19th, 2002, 6:45pm I feel your pain, and at times it is normal. I find that soaking my head with very cold water helps. Good luck and keep your chin up. |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Roxy on Dec 19th, 2002, 7:08pm Domm...yes I'm chronic, but I honestly think after reading for so long on this site, that the one's who are episodic don't have it any better than the chronics. The episodics seem to get hit really hard and intense. Usually, I'll only have two to three a day, and one at night. Those six yesterday were unusual, that only happens about once or twice a month. Jill...I'm so sorry you are in such pain. Mental and physical. You have a supporter in me...even if it is from a distance. I hope this cycle ends for you soon, just bear with it as best you can...and keep posting...we will be your support. R |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Silver_Dolphins on Dec 19th, 2002, 7:51pm DAMN THIS BEAST That's appropriate. I would have added a few more colorful words, but, I guess you feel the need to be polite. I am sorry that you are having this visit by the Beast. I wish he would get it. He isn't welcome. Never was. And send your parents to the comforts of the barn while you writhe in agony in the house. Wishing you all PFDAN Silver Dolphins |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 8:03pm Damn this beast! Going to start that way for a long time, someone stop me...I am mad...and I do mean mad. I am serious. Damn it all to hell....my peas are gone. Where did they go? Hell if I know...they are just gone. Say it again, damn it. We are out of coffee too, no one cares but me. No energy to go buy some, hell have no money. Can I add some colorful words here....how about...F... no nevermind, dont get me started. And you mean there is an end to this? Eight months and there will be an end? When? Is that the same time that I see the stars? Sorry, getting kinda mean here I think...I will shut up now, sorry. Damn the beast....that is all that I can say....Damn him. Jill >:( This makes no sense, sorry...damn the beast, I cant even think...geesh... |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by suzy617 on Dec 19th, 2002, 8:09pm Jill, Sorry that that damn beast is still messing with you. Hang in there girlfriend, he's bound to get bored soon and leave. Roxy, Of course your normal, well around us you are, LOL. I'm sure all of us have acted totally irrational while our brains were getting yanked out. Just imagine us all in one hugh room doing our head banging thing together. Do ya think we would freak the outside world out or what? suzy |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by OneEyeBlind on Dec 19th, 2002, 8:56pm Ok, here goes - #1 - DAMN the beast and leave my friends alone !!! #2 - HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS to ya Jill #3 - I have got to start looking out my windows more often ..... perhaps I have some local clusterheads that will give me the entertainment that the WWE is missing !!!! #4 - FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM Ok, so now I am feeling a little better ... how about you all ? |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 10:12pm Okay...last time..promise...Damn this beast...really gotta stop now...oops :-[ Another dance, another torturous hour down, well almost...pretty much...what away to say it. Now time to wait for next...great, will it be an hour, two hours, how about three (yeah right) when ??? ...damn you...get out of my head.... :'( I am not sure whether to cry, scream or just not move right now...cant see out of one eye, neck hurts, head is sore, so exhausted....oh what to do...cant sleep, gotta stay awake, sleep only instigates the beast... Maybe I will just yell again, damn this beast...wait no, cant do that, dont want to get kicked out to the barn again...geesh. Guess that I will just have to say it here, sorry. ::) Damn this beast, go to hell, leave me alone and fuck off....oops...sure hate that word...oh well..... Okay, thats it for now...I wont say it again...oh what the hell....damn this beast. >:( Jill :'( >:( sorry, gotta stop posting this now....been a bad day (did I already say that)...been a long day, how about that? :-/ |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Mastifflvr28 on Dec 19th, 2002, 11:01pm Quote:
Jill...why don't we want to go there? We might be able to help here. Sorry Jill and Roxy that you are having it so rough right now. Mast |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 11:18pm Hmm....where to begin with that one. It is a messy topic, to me anyways. Lets see, maybe I should start with preventatives here. The last med that the doc put me on was Indocin, 125 mg aday which did nothing but make me sicker that I already am. I had to stop taking it, it was awful and what was the point, it did nothing. He is on leave now and the temp. doctor wont prescribe anything, so no meds. What does it matter, my doc has no idea what to do now....just great. :-[ As for abortives, I can get those two wonderful imitrex a month but not for much longer. Seems that they think that are addictive and cause more harm than good... yeah right..let them have this pain. Cant get any other abortives, no doesnt like me taking them everyday... says that they arent good for me. You know, somedays... no lets be nice. So that leads here, tried to get oxygen...you know safest that you can take. Normal doctor said no, temp doctor said yes. So after four hours at the hospital trying to get it, being turned down and being told, no way, I gave up. Then I went home and come to find out, a miracle happen..they were delivering O2 that night...great right? Wait, there is more. My parents told me (they must talk to the one doc), it is not "necessary" and told them to take it back. What could I do, no money to pay for it, just had to watch it leave....... >:( So here I am, no doc in town, no meds but plenty of damn pain.... I used to have a bag of peas....cant imagine where they went and no more coffee.....what the hell am I gonna do??? Hope that this made sense, my head is so battered that to think at all is a miracle in itself. Damn this beast...sorry wasnt going to say it this time. Jill >:( I hate this, damn this beast.... |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Mastifflvr28 on Dec 19th, 2002, 11:27pm Jill, I thought Karen T (forget who exactly) got you an oxygen bottle, and I know Not4hire sent you his beloved regulator...what happened to those? I also know that someone in chat offered you a bunch of imitrex and you refused? Also...what about Verapmil? Any experience with that? Just wondering... Mast |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 19th, 2002, 11:38pm I did have O2 for a little while there but gave the tank back because it wasnt working then, I lost patience and felt so bad for using someone elses oxygen. I know that that is stupid but what can I say.... As for the imitrex, I never turn anyone down (and I know it is not supposed to be done). There was a problem with distance with one person but never a moment when I turned someone down...too desperate for that. As for the verapamil, been there and done that. I started at 200 mgs and did go up to 960 mg but my system couldnt handle that high of a dose. Was also on it with lithium but my levels went haywire, so had to discontinue it. That was one of the last ones that I was on.... I would write more, but my ear is ringing and I know what that means, sorry. I am sorry for the confusion and all...thanks for the help. Jill >:( Damn this beast...I hate him >:( |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Riccardo on Dec 20th, 2002, 1:40am Jill, so sorry! //// DAMN THE BEAST...... Just to give a little light in these days, when you will be in Italy, don't ask "where are my peas?" Pea is a nick for the .....hmmmmm.... man apparatus for breeding..... oh fuck! .... the dick ..... ;D ;D ;D Let me know if you need some Imitrex, I have a good number at home, just let me an I.M. with your address Ciao, half WOP...... ;D ;D ;D :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 20th, 2002, 1:52am Thanks Riccardo..needed that laugh. Two oclock in the morning here and I just want to sleep, is that so much. So tired, so damn tired.... Damn this beast! >:( I was going to say that today, was going to be good but since the damn beast wont let one day end and another to begin....well...forget it. So damn the beast, another dance danced and yet more to come........stupid jerk... Jill >:( :'( Still a bad day...wait does that mean that today is another bad day because that is worse that it continuing from yesterday....oh well...still..damn this beast. :-[ |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Charlie on Dec 20th, 2002, 3:05am You do sound miserable. This thing with not having O2 doesn't make sense. I've never had to use it but I know there must be a way to get the stuff. It's used by so many, so many things. Others here can give you some ideas. No one has the right to get in your way of using this benign treatment. Try the technique again. You have nothing to lose but pain. Dr. Wright's Circulatory Technique This is not transcendental meditation, imagery, relaxation, or anything psychic. It's entirely physical and takes a lot of work and concentration. Give this method a good workout. It’s not a miracle, but it’s been helpful to many. When I was diagnosed, my neurologist said to treat this as a vascular problem. I was told to concentrate on “redirecting” blood circulation in order to retard flow to the head. This is done by trying to “send” blood into the arms and hands or other extremities. When properly done, your hands will become warm and redder with increased circulation. I also found it easier to concentrate on one hand. This relieves just slightly, the pressure on the affected vessel, which indirectly causes our pain. We all have this ability but it can be exhausting. I was often able shorten my attacks from about half an hour to no more than a few minutes. Sometimes, when awake, I could entirely abort the attack IF I KEPT AT IT. Often, I would suffer only minor discomfort instead of excruciating pain. Do not stop just because your hands are warm or redder. Keep this up until you are sure it's subsided. If you let up or lose concentration, it’s very hard to restart this process. It may take some time but when this works, the relief is almost immediate. I learned this from the doctor in a few minutes. He simply told me to try to keep blood away from the head. He thought it easiest to concentrate on the arms and hands but any place that works for you is fine. He said to think of it as "filling your hands" with redirected blood. It’s important to keep at it THROUGH the pain. This will be difficult, but it’s the only way this technique will work. Don’t let up until you are sure the attack has ended. This will not always work, but I think it will always have at least some effect on the severity and duration of the attacks. It can be useful between medications or while waiting for some other drug to take effect. All it takes is a little practice. It was fairly easy to learn and what I'm writing here is more than I got from the doctor, as I've drawn from my own experience. When awakened in horrible pain, it’s very hard to focus, but I think it’s always worth a try. This costs nothing but hard work, is harmless, non-invasive, and it gives us a fighting chance. I wish you the best of luck - Charlie Strand |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 20th, 2002, 8:50am Damn this beast, cant seem to stop yelling it. >:( So for the rest of the world this is another day, for me it is a continuation of yesterday and tha day before and the day before that and so on, when do the days end? ??? The beast keeps knocking at my door, I slam it and he finds a window...what the hell...just leave me alone.... Do you think if we all yelled for him to F off (sorry) and to leave us all the hell alone, he would leave? Yeah right. This probably makes no sense and I suppose that I shouldnt post this anymore but damn it, the damn beast wont leave me the hell alone.... >:( I try that technique when the pain is not too bad to concentrate, not much I know but I try...thanks And as for the oxygen, if I wasnt a poor college kid with nasty parents.... shouldnt say that, I could pay the damn copay... Okay that is enough, sorry guys. Jill :'( >:( Damn this beast, no coffee, no peas....9:30 in the morning and my bad day continues....just great..... >: (sorry) Oh right and....uh...happy holidays...not feeling it here, but those that are, have a great one... :-[ |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 20th, 2002, 10:44am Damn it...... Shadows before, building into another damn dance...... damn it.... >:( What the hell am I supposed to do? Too tired for this crap today and little strength to fight him, pleaing does not good.... :'( Dont care if anyone reads this or cares, just need to yell it but cant do that, so this will have to do....sorry.... :-[ Here we go....damn it..... Jill >:( Damn this beast......last time, promise... |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by brain_cramps on Dec 20th, 2002, 11:00am Tried to lure the bastard over to my place with a gallon of whiskey last night, hoping he'd leave you alone for a while. Learned a couple things: 1. he can do more than one thing (or person) at a time. 2. even after 8 weeks of only shadows, he hasn't forgotten my address. (I know your praying you ONLY had shadows!) 3. some days, I'm smart like cucumber. |
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Title: Re: Damn this beast... Post by Jill on Dec 20th, 2002, 12:38pm Damn this beast.... Just wanted to add a thanks to this madness. Cant say much more than....thanks. Sorry that the whiskey didnt work.....think that if I drown myself in it I wont feel the pain. Guess not.. ::) That is all, thanks and damn this beast.....sad when those are the only words that I can say.... :-/ Oh right, and damn the heater.....it broke today. The house is kinda cold now.....guess that is what they get for stealing my damn peas, not sharing the coffee and kicking me to the barn...sorry, that was kinda mean.. :-[ Off I go....damn this beast.... Jill >:( :'( sorry. :( |
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