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New Message Board Archives >> 2002 Posts >> I am really Tired!
(Message started by: Elaine on Nov 30th, 2002, 9:14am)

Title: I am really Tired!
Post by Elaine on Nov 30th, 2002, 9:14am
I never thought I would be writing this. I am tired I am so tired I can't stand it.  My leggs hurt so bad I can't stand it at times. The pain meds suck. I would reather hurt than lose my mind. I am not one to say I can't take things any more. I am at that point now.
I have a couple of good friends that stuck with me all the way and I thank them for that. I don't know what I would have done without them. They never missed more than a day or two checking on me. Thanks Jackie and Margi.  
I was given six months to a year in Sep. I was told today how wonderful heaven is and how much I am going to like it and about all the people I am goin to see.
I am sure if I am lucky enough to go there I will like it. I am not so sure thats where I am going.
The good thing is I am not having clusters LOL what a fucking trade off !
I can't help any of you any more. I can't support anyone any more. When I was able to give and help I felt like I belonged here. I am not and have not been able to help in the last year. Maybe I just been mad at the whole wold and just did not know it.
I am sorry that I have not been able to give, I don't have any thing left I am sorry.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by ave on Nov 30th, 2002, 9:42am
What you are giving with this message is already a lot.

A salutary reminder that there's more to suffering than clusters, for one.

And I am absolutely sure, as sure as an agnostic like myself can be, that you will not be going to the other place.

And not soon either!




Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by suzy617 on Nov 30th, 2002, 10:01am
Elaine, I've never met you but feel like I know you. In my eyes you are a very caring, thoughtful and wonderful woman. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
suzy

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by domm on Nov 30th, 2002, 10:09am
Elaine - while you are down, why not let us give to you? You've paid in advance. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
domm

"may the road rise to meet you...."

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by nancyc on Nov 30th, 2002, 10:45am
OK, sis...you have loved us for a long time now...time to let us return that love...and noone here plus Buddy is ready to let you go yet......please know i am always here for you if you ever need to talk....just pick up the phone and give me a call...oh, i am getting your package off this week...has been hectic here ...smiles, nancyc

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by jonny on Nov 30th, 2002, 11:23am
That will be enough of that talk E-baby.....if giving paid you would be a millionaire, you need not give to anyone. You take care of you and thats an order.

Ya hear me?

....................jonny

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Jimi on Nov 30th, 2002, 11:30am
Life here is short, thats for sure. As a believer, you have been tested and you have persevered. You have done so much for so many here at Clusterland that I would think that you have many jewels in your crown. Like the others, if you need to talk, just let me know. I am sending love from Kentucky to your heart.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Edna on Nov 30th, 2002, 11:59am
OK Elaine,         MY TURN   ;)


  What kind of talk is this may I ask ??????????   ;)

            "I can't help any of you any more. I can't support anyone any more"


well, well missy.........THAT is SOOOOOOoooooo untrue

just having you write that post here FOR us is still giving enough for me.....Support is what all the ones here who KNOW ANYTHING are here for....

So e-baby (as good ole jonny calls ya)  check your mail my darling

Love you,
EDNA :) :) :)



Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Margi on Nov 30th, 2002, 12:38pm
um...TS?  You ain't goin anywhere, honey.   You and I still have to deliver that pair of crotchless hose to Jonny.  He FORGOT them in Vancouver.   ::)   Men.

So, now we have to get him a new pair and deliver them in person at the next Family Reunion.  

Plus, Mike will have another hat for you next year and he's got a whole presentation skit all rehearsed for you.

So, my dear, consider this your Canadian kick in the ass.  And, by the way, you ARE allowed to take a break, and just smell the coffee (or in your case, Coke) for awhile, ya know.  You've been pushing so hard these last few months, getting ready for the move.  You're allowed a lil time off right now.  But you KNOW we'll come hunting for you if you're don't shoot off a rocket so we know you're there.  Are we clear?

:-*

p.s.  by this time next year, your hair will be longer than mine and I think we should look into some new 'do's for ya.  ;)

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Jackie on Nov 30th, 2002, 3:15pm
Yep....what Margi said!!!!!!
You ain't going anywhere, Toots....we got shit to do!!!!!!

Pick up your phone...it's ringing.. :)

Love you my friend,
Jackie 8)

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Ree on Nov 30th, 2002, 3:20pm
~~~Rest friend, rest... one day at a time, one minute at a time thats all you can ask... love ya girl Ree

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by 2late on Nov 30th, 2002, 3:47pm
E, we've never met but around here you have given more than any two people.....take care of yourself, good luck sweet E.                                                                                                                                                                                                          .........2late

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Nov 30th, 2002, 4:01pm
Yup, what all those guys said.
It's our turn to support, you've given and given!
Take a break, relax...then when you get into that new house, you break out that recliner and you go chat :)
Love you sweety,
You're a strong chic and we are here for you!
Mast

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Svenn on Nov 30th, 2002, 4:34pm
I dont know how to start Elaine.
But please just sit back and take all the good thoughts from everybody of us now.You deserve that.
you have been here for everybody in good and bad so finally now its our turn to give some support back to you my friend


Svenn

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by BarbaraG on Nov 30th, 2002, 4:39pm
Elaine, my friend, do you know how much I love you?  I can't call you as I'm staying with relatives in LA> If you need to talk to me, you can reach me at 985-537-0784.  I'll always be here for you.  You mean the world to me.  I know you're tired but hang in there.  Love, Me :)

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Charlie on Nov 30th, 2002, 4:51pm
You're not supposed to post when you're tired Elaine.  I'll be here when you come back with another post complaining that everyone but me are a  bunch of jerks...there are exceptions (gotta cover my derrier)  :o

Besides, we aren't though with you here. We're just waiting for one of your new threads to mess up  :D

Do whatever it is you do and keep this place on its toes.  

Get some rest first kid.

Charlie 8)

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Peppermint on Nov 30th, 2002, 5:02pm
Elaine.....

In the brief time knowing you, I've seen you "break it down" , and tough mama that you are..... you are still doing it.  

So many people are saying it, and I know I feel the same....you have many shoulders to lean on..... pick one, pick all.....you are past due on taking a break.  Get your rest....you'll bounce back in no time.

Peppermint ;)  
p.s. check your email.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Jill on Nov 30th, 2002, 5:24pm
 Not sure what I can say that hasnt been said...but that we are here for you.

 You have given us so much love, support, compassion and now it is time for you to accept all that we give you...do that okay?

  Rest up and come back fighting...you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 Be strong...

Jill



Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Elaine on Nov 30th, 2002, 6:10pm
Thanks everyone!
Its like getting Old your Body just gives out and you don't want to rest, your afraid to rest. You want to do the things you use to. At least thats what I want !
I will be ok just got to get use to it all.

you guys know me I am a bitch when I can't do what I need to do.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by BobG on Nov 30th, 2002, 7:39pm
Lady Elaine,
We've never met face to face but we've been friends for the last four years.

I know a thing or two about you and number one on the list is God does have a special place for you...................when the time comes.

But, the time is not soon. Take a break, take time to build your strength and come back and talk to us.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by OneEyeBlind on Nov 30th, 2002, 8:41pm
Elaine, just keep fighting the new beast that has come your way.  You have given to the board and now it is your turn to take.  Take strength and prayers from us cause they are coming your way !!!!  Praying for ya.    

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by BuddyH on Nov 30th, 2002, 9:44pm
Damn it, doctors have been wrong before. They are wrong now! You are tired. Your expected to be tired. Just because your tired does not mean the end is near. Your doing chemo, it makes you tired.

I know you been fighting this a long time and it has been a hard fight. You fought clusters for over twenty years, you fought him with laughter and a good attitude. Do the same thing with this.

I love you and a lot of people here love you. You have traveled all over the country to met these people. I couldn't get you to drive through Atlanta before you met them. You think they forgot you, they have not forgot you. They just want you to rest. I want you to rest with a positive attitude.

If you should die and you are NOT, your going to heaven.

When you get scared tell me Please. When you feel alone if you can not talk to me, call any of these people. Don't keep all this in.

Fight baby fight like you do everything else. You tell me what to do to help you fight and I will do everything in my power to help. What ever YOU need I will give you. Just Fucking tell me Please. I feel real helpless right now. God I love you. I am not sure if I should kiss you or be mad at you. I think I will just crawl in bed with you and kiss you.



Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Margi on Nov 30th, 2002, 10:23pm
Psst...hey, Buddy....ya got any single brothers?  Linda Howell is single.  I gotta look out for my littlest twisted sister.

You'd best be listening to your husband, Mrs. Holloman.  Sounds like he means business.  And what, exactly, is it you're wanting your body to do?  You chase a toddler around, all day long, you've been packing box after box lately, you're one of the most physically active people I know!  Wait.......are you doing that dumpster diving again, woman?  No wonder your knees are shot.   ::)

;)

awesome post, Buddy.  Thanks for taking such good care of her.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Ann on Dec 1st, 2002, 8:06am
Elaine, you and I used to chat almost every day last spring.  You told me some stuff during those chats as well as through your posts here.  Let me refresh your memory...so you understand why you are so tired!

You have been taking care of little Johnny every day, regardless of clusters, or chemo.  You were taking care of your daughter as well.  You were taking care of HSG, and your angel store in your "free" time.  You've been battling pain, nausea etc for over a year.  You've recently remarried, bought a house, packed, raged about the new house, etc etc.  For most people, just buying a house and moving in is enough stress.  But you had to do that, plus take care of Johnny, go through chemo, visit doctor upon doctor.  Hello!!!!  Does any of this ring a bell?  And you wonder why you're tired?  Hello!!!!  Wake up girl!
So you had a private pity party....that's fine...we've all been there.  You are loved and revered here.  Don't you ever forget it.  There is no shame in needing and receiving.  You don't always have to be the one to give, you are allowed to take!!  So take, cause people are happy to give.  Me included!

Love you E!!

Great big fat hug and kisses from Canada
Ann

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Ted on Dec 1st, 2002, 8:06am
How many times do I have to tell these newbies to do a little searching before they post? Elaine, click on your profile and then on that button that lets you read "ALL" of your posts over this past year. Then come back here and try and tell us you have not helped anyone over the past year. At least read old chats. There's also another site dealing with all types of headaches. It's called Headache Support Group (or HSG, not to be confused with MSG, the well known food additive). Ask some people who might know just who started that site and did so for others. Man, I hate it when people don't research.
You just remined me. I have to get a cell phone with an "eternal plan" so when you're up in heaven and I'm sitting in front of the cozy fireplace of eternal damnation, we can still be in touch. You can tell me about your harp lessons and HOPEFULLY I will have no flute lessons to report on.
You also wrote "you guys know me I am a bitch when I can't do what I need to do." Buddy wrote "I think I will just crawl in bed with you and kiss you." So, did you do what you need to do? Feeling better? ;-)

Love and prayers, Elaine.

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Elaine on Dec 1st, 2002, 9:33am
Yes I let Buddy live even after he chewed my ass in front of all my friends :-)!!!

Maybe you guys are right! I got tired just reading all those things I am doing LOL! It has to be done !

ann maybe we can talk again after I get moved. Maybe I will have more time.

2late maybe if you would post your email address I could thank you proper :-)

Margi, He has four brothers but they are nothing like him.

Ted I did what any wife would do when their husband kiss them in the middle of the night . I said what did you do wrong now? Then I turned over and went to sleep. Thats my story and I am sticking to it ;-)!!!!

Now I am going christmas shopping. Can't have Christmas with out a few gifts right :-)! OK Buddy and Deveny are going to make sure I don't get to tired and to stop me before I go over the limit.

OH Charlie I love you Thats all there is to it :-)



Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Leesa on Dec 1st, 2002, 10:53am
Elaine my friend.......your the BEST support around let your family and friends here take care of you and let us carry the load for a while. Hell lady youve done nuff for the rest of us now its our turn to take care of YOU!!!! We love you and besides you cant go any damn where lady (tappin foot) we have table dancing to do at the next convention!  ;) So enough of that kind of talk. Your in our thoughts prays E everyday and rem. we love you lots!!!! :-*
Love ya lots Leesa and Dave  ;D

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Mark C on Dec 2nd, 2002, 4:23am
I guess you are tired! After following Ted's suggestion and reading your posting history it looks to me like all you have done is give. Sit back, rest, and take it easy for a while, you have certainly earned it. You have been a cornerstone in the foundation of this MB and I would like to thank for giving me a "home".
Mark
;D


Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Jim R on Dec 2nd, 2002, 6:15am
Lady E,

Sit back, relax, and enjoy.  You paid your dues, lady, and not another thing is expected.  

Love ya,

Jim R

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by Edna on Dec 2nd, 2002, 8:26am
gee Ted, great minds like ours must think alike........Elaine didn't I tell you to just let Buddy rub those tired legs of yours and everything from there would feel better??     LOL


You have a great man there with you, abuse him a bit and let him take those reins for a while.........and from all you've told me about your Deveny.......let her help you now too.

OH......and go check your mail again

Love you,
EDNA

Title: Re: I am really Tired!
Post by catlind on Dec 2nd, 2002, 9:05am
Elaine, you are wrong.  You said in the first post you have not been able to give or help here for a year.  I have not been here for a full year, and you have helped me.  You sent emails to me and you talked with me.  YOu helped me a great deal more than you realize, and I expect that's true for alot of folks on the board.

Just you being here has been a help.  You remind us that there is more to life than CH's and that we have our own choices to make.  You make sure we don't get caught up in feeling sorry for ourselves, and that is a very very important thing for us CH'ers.  Your strength is an inspiration to anyone who has any knowledge of you.  You have been told that you have a time limit, and you have taken that time to share your life with us here and to LIVE your life.  You haven't laid down and let the world and your life pass by.  THAT is an AMAZING thing for anyone here to witness.  If that isn't help and support then I don't know what is.  

Be proud of yourself Lady E, you are an inspiration to many.

Cat



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