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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002 Posts >> to young to be so sad
        
(Message started by: ajdavis on Nov 14^th, 2002, 10:43pm)

Title: to young to be so sad
Post by ajdavis on Nov 14^th, 2002, 10:43pm

it started my senior year...if only i had known what it was. i'm 21 (just barely) and have a one year son, my life. but it hurts me to think any new day is another day i'm an incompetent mother. i love him so dearly, but through blurry eyes and searing pain he can't see it. he seems to cry more the worse i feel. he doesn't deserve this.

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by cootie on Nov 14^th, 2002, 11:00pm

My kid grew up in her teen years wonderin why daddy couldn't eat dinner with us 'n was upstairs screamin 'oh gawd no' pullin blankets off the bed rollin on the floor cryin and bangin his fists lookin like a madman....she adjusted......hang in there.....wasn't a purdy site fer man nor 'beast'.....

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by forgetfulnot on Nov 14^th, 2002, 11:04pm

(Are you talking about yourself?
(Are you talking about your son?
After we can determine that, we can maybe get somewhere.
Advise any medications or doctors you have seen for this.
All the info you can give us allows us to pursue the best avenue for you or your son.

Lee :)

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by OneEyeBlind on Nov 15^th, 2002, 4:12am

AJ, I might consider the doctors incompetent for not being able to find a cure for this wretched disease; but never look at yourself as incompetent !!!!

What have you tried so far ... perhaps we can get you to a place where you will be better equiped to deal with the headaches.

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by Charlie on Nov 15^th, 2002, 5:48am

I'm guessing that it's you with the clusters. One thing that often surprises parents is that children often react very well to parent's medical troubles.

Give yourself a chance too. You came here and that tells me that you are a fighter.

Welcome and keep in touch.

Charlie

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by LTBullitt on Nov 15^th, 2002, 5:50am

Watch the movie "Firestarter"

it helps in a movie/therapy kinda way

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by runprincess824 on Nov 16^th, 2002, 10:50am

when i started to read your post, it sounded like myself, although i do not have a son. i would not put so much pressure on yourself. you obviously care an immense amount to even question if you are competent...and the answer is...OF COURSE YOU ARE!!! you love him dearly, you said so yourself, and that is what children see, honestly. he probably cries more because he doesnt want his mother to hurt. hang in there.

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by suzy617 on Nov 16^th, 2002, 11:06am

Hang in there aj, things will get better. I also had to deal with taking care of 2 sons while the beast was gnawing on my brain. I feel lucky though compared to some here because I usually only have to deal with this 6 weeks out of the year. My kids would forget all about it till next time around. Your son will always love you with or without the HA. I'm sure you are a wonderful mom to him.

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by kim on Nov 16^th, 2002, 1:24pm

guilt is a big part of clusters. We all internalize the burden because of the nature of the illness. I am raising three kids 12, 10 and 4. Needless to say, clusters have touched us all. The only way i know how to put it to you is that when my kids are sick with the flu and feeling bad, mom is there and does her thing. When general cluster is bustin on mom, well, my kids are there and do the same for me. Don't let the guilt overwhelm you. We all have weakness of varying sort in life. Kids are like rubber bands and they give back what they've received and in the end everyone moves on and grows accordingly. I don't think that's such a bad thing..... :)

PFDAN

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by ajdavis on Nov 17^th, 2002, 3:13pm

yes, i am the one with the cluster headaches. unfortunately, i was diagnosed only a week ago... i've been treated for migraine/allergies/sinus infections/sinusitis/and seen an opthamologist for possible problems with my eyes because my site blurs with each episode. i've seen myself through all of them with nothing but a hot shower and an Aleve for comfort, and am relieved (almost to tears) to know there is something out there that might help. my father suffered from them before i was born and my whole life we've never been close...until now. guess every dark cloud does have a silver lining. :)

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by SommelierCH on Nov 17^th, 2002, 5:13pm

ajdavis,

Listen to me carefully.

TODAY IS, LITERALLY, THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR NEW LIFE!

Your new life started when you found this site.
Your new life was nourished when you logged on and reached out to us.

The worst part of this trip we are all on, is not knowing what is causing the misery, seeing no way out, no one to talk to that could possibly understand what this pain is like. Thinking that you will never have relief, because you don’t know anyone who has gotten relief. The pain of our own ignorance, compounded by the ignorance of the medical establishment, whom we’ve always turned to when we are sick.

That is your old life. Your new life contains hope. Your new life contains much, much, much more than “a hot shower and an Aleve for comfort”. Your new life contains a family of sisters and brothers, who are some of the most compassionate, understanding, knowledgeable and accepting people in the world. From this moment on you will NEVER be alone in your pain, you will always have someone to turn to. This is a great gift.

You must put forth the effort to arm yourself with the weapons of knowledge to fight this Beast, and that armament is here on this site. Start by clicking on the categories on the left hand side of this page, and read, read it all. You never know what treasures might be waiting for you on the next page.

This is how I fight the beast. What works for me is a triptan, Maxalt MLT 10mg. (fast acting, under the tongue dissolving tablet) combined with oxygen therapy. You can’t get many Maxalt MLT tabs from insurance (6 per month max. for me) so you have to save those for the Big One and you can’t take more than 2 in any 24 hour period, so the oxygen is absolutely necessary for all the other times you feel the shadows creeping in. Go to the search button in the top right corner and type in “oxygen” and read up. The more knowledge you have the better you can communicate with the medical community. Be sure to read about and do a search for “triggers”, these are catalysts that can really set us off. My major ones are alcohol, bright light entering my right eye and some times flickering florescent lights. Avoiding triggers during your cycle can dramatically affect the intensity, duration and number of attacks. I get hit 2 hours after I go to sleep, after 16 years of this Beast, my body wakes me up now before it’s full blown. I pop a Maxalt MLT 10 mg. then stumble out to the oxygen and suck that down until the Maxalt MLT kicks in. This combination is very effective.

I hope this has helped in some way.

Welcome to our family of Hope and step out of that darkness.

With all my best wishes,
David

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by Jill on Nov 17^th, 2002, 5:25pm

When I read your post, it hit home. Not because I have a kid but because I am your age, I know what it feels like to be young and in so much pain.

David is so right in his post and it could not really be said any better. It took me awhile to open myself up to the help and love that fellow clusterheads offer here and it is something that I am still working on. But when I let some of the caring, love, everything in, it opened up a whole new world for me.

I have learned, an you too can if you are willing, that there is so much out there and even when you think that there is nothing else, there is. You just have to be willing to fight for it and want to fight for it, that is the key.

I just got hit, it actually just ended and though I can not see out of one eye very well and my head is still hurting, I come here because I feel like we are a family and just knowing that there are others out there like me, who care and understand, helps a lot...more than a lot, enormously.

Welcome to the family and believe me, embrace it with all that you have now, hold on tight and fight....it is worth it!

Good luck and I hope that you are pain free very soon!

Jill

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by ajdavis on Nov 18^th, 2002, 1:08pm

i've read just about everything on this site so that when i see the doctor in 4 days i can communicate with him without being confused by medical jargon. this is the last doctor i want to be "passed around" to. thank you all for your support and encouragement, i have only my mother and father on this end- no one else understands it. i've had this episode haunting me for a month+ now and i hope i've come to the end of it...but i will still come in and chat (when i take a break from smothering my son with attention :))

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by Drk^Angel on Nov 19^th, 2002, 5:59pm

Welcome to the board! Sorry that the beast has lit an infinite string of blackcats in your cranium. Good luck!

PFDAN.............................. Drk^Angel

Title: Re: to young to be so sad
Post by cerebus on Nov 20^th, 2002, 4:21pm

about your son, I know the feeling, after all I've felt it many times before. Trust me when I tell you that you are going to feel this way about a many different things in your life to come, however, being only a yearling, I have to bet that he senses your pain.
Babies cry for a number of reasons, one of the most difficult is when they know something is wrong. Remember this, He has no ability to make things right, His Mom is hurting and he can't fix it, It is an innate sense he has.
Just continue to show him love as often as possible and provide for his needs as you have always done and things will end up working out. I Promise.
Even though my girls are more grown up I still can't stand to hear them cry, and to think that I may have been the cause makes it worse sometimes.
Cerebus