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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002 Posts >> Wicked depressed and going downhill
        
(Message started by: Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 5:38pm)

Title: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 5:38pm

You'd think I'd be happier - my CH's are better (with a few exceptions), but I'm TIRED, TIRED, TIRED, abnormally so. Also, I may be losing my sole client in my business, and to top it off - the occasional impotence I experienced at the beginning of the catapres therapy, has taken a firmer hold (no pun intended - if it were only so!) and it's now zilch response to anything - even tried a porn site online to test it out - nothing.

Tonight, I'm having a few beers and to hell with it. Mental pain, physical pain - WTF's the difference...I am so down. I know I'll wake up with more hope tomorrow, but for the moment, life kinda sucks. Hope you're all doing well and still wishing you PFDAN's but without the side effects. - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 5:47pm

Sorry, I really don't mean to whine. I've just HAD IT! This impotence thing was just the last fucking straw... JR

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by domm on Sep 18^th, 2002, 5:50pm

Jim - an old John Prine song:

when I woke up this morning
things wuz lookin bad
looked like total silence wuz the only friend I had
a bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down
and won
and it wuz twelve o'clock before
I decided I wuz havin no fun
ah but can't you see I have the key
to escape reality

so if you see me tonight
with an illegal smile
it don't cost very much
and it lasts a long while....

anyway, you get the rest. We all go through it, friend, but the sun will shine tomorrow, a new client will come along, the pain will go away. There is always hope and you need to remember that we are here for you.
domm

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by 2late on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:02pm

Jim your prolly tired cause your at the end of your cycle i alway's get tired as hell, your body needs to catch up on lost sleep. can't help you with the lack of wood thing, that really sucks!!!! let me quote wet willie: keep on smilin' thru the pain...laughin' thru the rain...rollin' with the changes ....till' the sun comes out again. good luck bro' ..........2late

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jasmyn on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:02pm

A wise person once said - I think - I don't know his name, but that is besides the point.

He said:
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
or was it?:
"If you reach bottom" (not the bottom of the bottle - although that is sometimes good therapy) "you can only float upwards."

Listen, Jim, seriously now, I've been there so I understand, it will get better, life will get better because you still have you.

None of these things really matter in the bigger scheme of life, you will recover because the human spirit and the will to fight is strong and survival is a basic instinct.

Tiredness is acceptable, depression is normal and tomorrow is a new day, a new start, a new beginning.

And another thing, meds have strange effects on the human body and psyche.

So bottoms up and drink a lot of water before you go to bed. (It usually helps to prevent a bad hangover!)

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Drk^Angel on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:08pm

Someone once told me... "You're in a deep pit my friend, and it's up to you if you want to climb out (because no matter how deep and steep that pit looks to you from the bottom, there's always a way to climb out) or dig deeper. You haven't hit bottom yet, but that's the way your heading, and maybe it's about time you change direction." Didn't really help me at the time, but I'd figure I'd pass it along... Good luck!

PFDAN........................ Drk^Angel

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:08pm

Thanks guys. I think I've been pretty tough through this friggin cycle but this last curve really threw me. I wrote a paper in college once saying that if I couldn't have sex, what was the point of going on... I think this of thing really destroys guys big time and although I know it's a medication effect, it's still pretty depressing. Actually, come to think of it, feeling pretty good right now with 3 Miller's in me and yes, I'll drink a lot of water 'cause catapres makes you feel like you;re going to spit cotton anyway - thanks for the advice Jasmyn - I might have forgotten, 'cause I lost my memory from the drugs - really! Anyway, thanks for cheering me up a bit! - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:19pm

Yup, I'm gettin drunk and I don;t give a shit and probably I'll have to pay to the toll to the f-ing BEAST but I hope he doesn;t make me go to the Er for my transgression...later or tomorrow. Right now, screw HIM Somebody spla, whoops slap my face and tell me to get with the program. My wife is just smilin at me with the Cheshire cat kinda smile - dangerous!

Jimmy R - (can ya tell I'm feeling a little less in the dumps! - but I know it;s only temprorary

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Slammy on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:25pm

Forgive me Cat!!! :-*

I promise never to rag on you for whining on here, ever again!

Slammy's just a cold hearted, rat bastard, monkey man that keep his thoughts to himself! ;D

or.......

Slammy 8)

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:30pm

Your're right Slammy - trhanks for slapping my face! LOL! I NEEDED that and my wife won;t do it cause she knows I can't follow through on it! LMAO! TRULY NOW, I will shut up (unless somebody posts something else interesing in this thread! Kinda disgusting isn't it how someone gets drunk online?!

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Slammy on Sep 18^th, 2002, 7:12pm

Hey bro!

I wasn't slapping you in the face..... I was truly apologizing to Cat! ;D

Hey, it's kind of cool to see someone get faced on-line.... your typing goes to shit.... :D

Hey, we all need to get slapped once in awhile... but you don't get slapped unless you whine! so... whine away! :)
Just because I don't whine on here ( I Rant!).. doesn't mean I don't feel like it....or I should bitch when others do..... maybe if you do it everyday... ;D

What the fuck do I know! I'm only a Slammy ;D

Slammy 8)

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 18^th, 2002, 8:07pm

My typing sucks lately anyway I thin due to the drugs. But my binge has brought shadows and so far O2 has taken care of them oaky, but worried baout 1 1/2 hours after bedtiem wen I wake up in at least a full KIP 7 and panic! Nothing sucks like that. Lately though O2 even takes care of them, but you always wonder - what if it deosn't - what then? PAIN, I guess and self-inflicted can be the worst!! Anyway bedtime's coming up soon and I have to work tomorrow - but maybe not, we;ll see. Adios guys - Jim R is of to bed and hopfefully a PFnight.

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by NancyMcFree on Sep 18^th, 2002, 8:22pm

Jim, here is wishing you no clusters through the night, no hangover in the morning .... and a great day tomorrow. You have suffered enough !!!! Take care.

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Karla on Sep 18^th, 2002, 8:35pm

Jim, give yourself a break brother! Remember it is the medicine not you. You are still a man. Also remember to hold, kiss, touch, and cuddle has a lot of intimacy to it as well. Love can be expressed in many ways. Sex is not the everything of the world. If you can't accept this side effect then quit taking the medicine and try another one. You don't have to live like this if you choose not to. Your mental health is very important and there may be other options out there you just need to find. Start looking unless you are resolved to this side effect from now to eternity. Why put off looking. Call your dr and talk with him. I will be praying for you bro hang in there.

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by echo on Sep 19^th, 2002, 8:50am

Jim, I've been where you are, it does get better. Drugs have a way of helping in one area and damaging another. It will turn around. Hope you feel better today. Hang in there.

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Slammy on Sep 19^th, 2002, 10:47am

on 09/18/02 at 20:35:52, Karla wrote:

Sex is not the everything of the world.

Wow! Are you new???? :D

She's obviously not a Slammy Fan! ;D

Slammy 8)

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 19^th, 2002, 12:03pm

Thanks everyone. Well, no CH last night, although I did wake up at 2:30 am for no reason and then couldn't get back to sleep. And no hangover this morning! The way I was typing last night you'd have thought I'd have a whopper! LOL! Anyway, feeling more "up" today. After all, I won't be on these drugs all year and as soon as my cycle ends, I'm off the catapres and I'm going to ask to go off the verapamil too, something I've never done before, because I think it might work better for each cycle if I'm not on it in the interim. Has anybody noticed that this helps by doing it this way? Of course, they'll have to put me on something else for blood pressure, but I'll read all the sides first and if there's one mention of impotence, forget it! But again, thanks for your support - I don't often get like that but it all seemed to pile up on my last night.. PFDAN's to you all - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by SteveY on Sep 19^th, 2002, 3:50pm

Jim,

When you are on your knees, you can't loose your footing.

PFDAN

Steve.

ps Get your arse over to England so I can buy you a real beer.

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 19^th, 2002, 6:54pm

Wish I could, Steve - love your pubs and love your beer! LOL! I am going to HAVE to go over there soon! - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by ChristineL on Sep 19^th, 2002, 7:01pm

Jim,

Ask about Altace for your BP. If it works let me know - I have a 3 month supply I can give you. I am no longer taking it as I switched to Verapamil.

We can meet for ribs in Ossippee!!!

Chris L

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 19^th, 2002, 8:10pm

Thanks Chris - you're a sweetie but we'll have to get pizza 'cause I'm basically a vegetarian (not strict, but not much beef - only a little chicken and sea scallops!) LOL! Well, I might take you up on your offer, but I have about a 6 month supply of diavan in my drug basket (overflowing at this point and I've already sent some down the garbage disposal!) LOL! But I'll definitely keep yours in mind... hope you;re doing well still on verap. I think I'm getting better everday in the CH dept. but as you can see, there's payment in other areas to be made :( BUT it won't last forever, right?! Take care neighbor! - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by ChristineL on Sep 20^th, 2002, 8:26am

AWWWW - does that mean I don't get to sit and look at the Biker guys at Yankee Smokehouse? Damn!

Chris L

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 20^th, 2002, 1:35pm

Chris - No, but there is a pretty good pizza place down the road and bikies stop in there too! If my wife goes up there, she'll want to go in Green Mountain Furniture and spend a bundle!! LOL It would probably end up with you and her shopping for housey stuff and me sitting in the car with a CH LMAO!! Take care Chris! - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by ChristineL on Sep 20^th, 2002, 5:33pm

Naw - I hate to shop and I hate housey stuff. No offense to your wife. Would rather take a ride up the Kangamangas!!!

Chris L

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by Jim R on Sep 20^th, 2002, 6:00pm

Chris...so, you like scenary... It IS nice up there. I think I told you I used to work in N. Conway...gotta watch teh moose up there though! - Jim R

Title: Re: Wicked depressed and going downhill
Post by ChristineL on Sep 20^th, 2002, 6:09pm

Jim,

I love the Moosey's............I have a big bull Moose that cuts through my field about 3:00 every afternoon. He walks between one pond to another - pretty cool. My cats can't figure out what the hell he is though.

Last year I went upstate Maine and saw 26 of them. I just love em. How about dinner at Bellini's in North Conway? Pasta is vegetarian.

Chris L