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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002 Posts >> National Lampoon's Headlines
        
(Message started by: Ted on Sep 17^th, 2002, 1:22pm)

Title: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by Ted on Sep 17^th, 2002, 1:22pm

Attention Deficit Disorder often missed in girls; "symptoms are virtually indistinguishable from normal, inane teen girl chatter" explains doctor

3 NYC subway stations re-opened; commuters, pickpockets happy with city's rebuilding process

Roman Catholic Church abuse policy hits obstacles; clergy's continuing love of sodomizing altar boys seen as biggest hurdle

White House says military can fight terror and Iraq at the same time; President, however, deemed unable to stand up and eat pretzels simultaneously

Americans living longer than ever; but pointlessness of existence has yet to decrease

Train carrying acid derails in Tennessee; Thousands of Phish fans hideously disfigured, discover acid is sulfuric

Surgery best for carpal tunnel syndrome; stopping masturbating compulsively to Internet porn runs a close second

Schools give up on uniforms; New Jersey Man with Catholic Schoolgirl fetish refuses to let fantasy go

Distant "planet" actually optical illusion; "not unlike thinking that Dyan Cannon is still good looking when seen from afar"

5 Yemeni men born and raised in Buffalo charged as terrorists; "After years of living in upstate NY, it's no wonder they hated the US so much" say Feds

7% of Americans have used illegal drugs in the past year; 93% are Squaresville, man!

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by echo on Sep 17^th, 2002, 1:28pm

Ted, thanks for putting this out here. I always enjoy these types of headlines.

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by Slammy on Sep 17^th, 2002, 1:30pm

on 09/17/02 at 13:22:22, Ted wrote:

Distant "planet" actually optical illusion; "not unlike thinking that Dyan Cannon is still good looking when seen from afar"

You mean she's not?????Oh man! don't tell me that! :'(

Slammy 8)

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by echo on Sep 17^th, 2002, 1:34pm

Slammy, seems like we agree on Dyan -- remember the pool table scene with Burt? Lucky bastard.

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by catlind on Sep 17^th, 2002, 2:22pm

"5 Yemeni men born and raised in Buffalo charged as terrorists; "After years of living in upstate NY, it's no wonder they hated the US so much" say Feds "

ROFLMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And they weren't even UP upstate!!!!!!! ROFL

Cat
(guess ya hafta live here to get that one hehe)

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by Charlie on Sep 17^th, 2002, 7:21pm

You may be right Cat but the paradise of Lackawanna sits south of Buffalo in the ruins of the Bethlehem Steel plant and the South Buffalo Railway, and not far from gorgeous Lake Erie.....Oh...and falling in defunct grain elevators.

Of course you can get all the chicken wings you want, curley fries and beef on wick...Actually the beef of wick is terrific....Just a hop skip and a jump to see the Bills play too.

What more could 5 Yemeni terrorist trainees want?

Considerably south of this paradise old Charle

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by catlind on Sep 18^th, 2002, 6:40am

Charlie,

Clark took Alex to see the Dolphins and Bills play...the Dolphins won YAY hehe., actually I'm a 49'ers fan, but that's a different story...from when they USED to be a good team ;)

The landscape up here is breathtaking, the leaves in the fall through the adirondacks that change to brilliant reds, yellows and oranges over the lakes in the mountains...the towns that are economically challenged and falling into decay are depressing.

Otherwise, I might like it here :)

Okay I'm rambling again, off to get more coffee...

Cat

Title: Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
Post by Charlie on Sep 20^th, 2002, 6:44am

Those who don't know New York State and think it's one big suburb of the City are missing a lot in the fall. Cat's right; this pace is beautiful. The Adirondacks especially.

Here in southwestern New York, one can take in the beauty of the Alleghenies, which on the way down I-86, one gets to drop in around Salamanca and buy cigarettes, gasoline, and view the construction of the Seneca Indian gambling casinos. Nothing beats the lovely facilities of Native American filling stations and the delightful and extensive selection of tax free tobacco. They sell horseshit cigarettes made with some kind of floor scrapings and cocoa. Not far from this paradise, one may go to the park and watch bears feed at the Allegheny Park garbage dump.

God it's a beautiful time of year.

Charlie