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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002 Posts >> Scared to go out and be active
        
(Message started by: Marcos618 on Aug 13^th, 2002, 1:19pm)

Title: Scared to go out and be active
Post by Marcos618 on Aug 13^th, 2002, 1:19pm

Well, I realized this Saturday. In thinking back to periods of CH's I had years ago I noticed I did the same back then. During periods of CH's I restrict my activities of going out because I am too scared of maybe having a CH while out in some strange place.

I have a good group of friends. Last Saturday after several calls from them they talked me into going out for a bit. You know you have to be careful of what you eat and drink while having CH's. So that alone puts a damper on what you can enjoy. They wanted to pick me up but I am too ashamed to drag EVERYTHING I might need if I have a CH into their car. So I met them where we were going. This way I can pack my car with the oxygen tank and bag of drugs and other things that I might need if a CH comes along while out. Also having my own car gives me a place to go lay down if I get a CH.

Well I had a great time while out. Stayed out a little bit longer then I planned. And had no CH's either. I am dreading next week when I will be out of town for 5 days on business, but I have no choice.

Anyone else fear Ch's so much that they sort of become hermits during the periods? Thinking back to when these started 3 weeks ago I have hardly gone anywhere, when I normally would have been out 3 to 5 times per week.

It’s not only the fear of the pain but also the fear of where you might be when you have the pain. Tucked away into my home I can handle the embarrassment of a CH without an audience.

Title: Re: Scared to go out and be active
Post by Slammy on Aug 13^th, 2002, 1:53pm

Marcos,

I think you are echoing the basic ritual of all clusterheads. I call it the Clusterfunk! The desire to be close to home to deal with the Beast when he visits. I am very social ;D and go out often with my family or on a date with my wife. This past June, I took my wife out for our 17th anniversary at a very exclusive restaurant in Malibu, California. We were enjoying a nice meal when the Beast visited. I couldn't get to my car since it was valet parked and I didn't want to make a big deal trying to find it. I ended up walking across the street to the beach and sucked up the salt air until the Beast left. My wife totally understood, but I felt it put a big damper on the evening ( Curse the friggin Beast for doing that!).

It is fortunate when we have loved ones and friends that *do* understand when we do the things we do to get by! it's what we do best! :D

Slammy 8)

Title: Re: Scared to go out and be active
Post by Samiam on Aug 13^th, 2002, 2:12pm

Don't feel bad I think we all feel the same way.....I was in remission for almost 4 yrs and wham 1 week before we are leaving for Disney I get hit.....10 day in flordia in the heat on the plane...can I tell you I wasn't real happy about it and on some days I cried....but I have a fantastic husband and a fantastic Best friend (both families went together) it's was super hard because it was week two when then get really really bad but I just did my imitrex and fiornal and kept going.....I WAS NOT GOING TO MISS MY KIDS FACE WHEN THEN SAW DISNEY FOR THE FIRST TIME....That in itself kept me going and I've had these for almost 24 yrs so the friends I have know what happens and what has to be done.....I go and if I don't then the beast has won....look he already has a piece of us everyday.....I'm not going to give him the whole day nor my life.......YOU CAN DO IT.....humor does alot when going through these...... P.S. My 19th wedding Anniv. and my 40th birthday is coming up in Sept (5 days apart) I will have a good time....if nothing else then just to say I married the greastest man in the world and I'm alive.....Sami

Title: Re: Scared to go out and be active
Post by Svenn on Aug 13^th, 2002, 2:36pm

I know just what you are saying.
over the last year i have been 100%antisocial.Never go out because of the fear of attacks when im out and not be able to help my self when i`m hit.Fear of let my neighbours think that i`m a junkie when i has to take the shots+++++++Sometimes I do not know what is worse.The pain or the fear and isolation some of us has.
Thats why at least i am here on the net a lot.starting when i wake up about 0730-01:00 in the night.I just feel a lot better here.
My beautiful wife is trying the best she can.Sometimes we can get out,but the fear is usually destroing the evening.
I know that some of my friends here say that this is "bullshit"feelings,but its still here.
I also go to the "brainwasher"for help on this problem,so any good advice will be apriciated a lot.

Your friend in Norway

Svenn

Title: Re: Scared to go out and be active
Post by firebrix on Aug 13^th, 2002, 3:35pm

Mopar was just like this when he was episodic. We stayed home a lot, going out only to work.We got some hard landscaping done on the property, and built a truly awesome garden so that he had somewhere pleasant to be when he was hit. I'm a bit of a hermit and didn't mind staying home for a few years!
When he became chronic it all changed!
Now we travel everywhere with Imitrex injections. Aware that Life goes on whether one gets CH or not, we decided to try to live a little outside the home.
Our friends were pleased to see us and understood if he had to gooutside and have a walk. Or a shot.
Altho' he was hit hard on our 17th anniversary dinner (something about that "17th" Slammy?) I drank a latte while he went off to the van for a shot, and we had a good time anyway.

Our fears are our worst enemies at times and can prevent us from enjoying moments of pure happiness. OK, they may not last hours, or days, but a moment here and there is all we need to feel more positive and alive even with the CH beast gnashing its teeth on the leash.
Try small visits first with good friends and family. If it doesn't make you feel better, it might make them feel better!
You can always go home later and be alone!
Good luck. I hate to think of you missing so much LIFE.
firebrix

Title: Re: Scared to go out and be active
Post by don on Aug 13^th, 2002, 4:36pm

I refuse to allow the FEAR of CH restrict me, however the ATTACKS some times do.

I face down the fear by doing exactly what you did.....plan and prepare.

If I have to remove myself from whatever is going on then so be it. Shot of imitrex and I'll ber back in 20 minutes. Someone starts whining about their MEEEgraines or sinus headaches I whip out a syringe and tell them to stick this in themselves next time. Thats what I have to do. Gets the point across rather well.