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Topic: I feel so all alone (M) (Read 597 times) |
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WifeofCHSuffer
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I feel so all alone (M)
« on: Feb 7th, 2005, 9:05am » |
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DH is on Topomax 100 MG daily, he is so depressed and so disconnected with me. I am not sure what to do. He has a very short fuse when it comes to our 4 1/2 year old son, he has no desire to be around me or feel or watch my belly move around while our second baby is in my belly. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and just feel like he does not care about this baby or me at all. I am know I am probably, okay, I am making a moutain out of a mole hill here but it hurts my feelings.
He has no desire to be near me, he very distant with every thing he does. We were at dinner with my parents Friday night and in the middle of talking to my dad he just stopped talking and was staring off. It frightens me. He did tell me Friday night he is very depressed and so tired of all ways being in pain. I don' t know what to do for him. He has only taken 2 Relpax in about 5 days which is great for him. However he is just weird.
What can I do? I have basically left him alone and just do my own thing night in and night out. Spend as much time with our son and just try not take things personally however it is effecting everything in our life. My son is acting up in school, I feel like the most undesirable pregnant woman on the face of the earth and nothing I can say or do will change my husband's attitude or his depression. My son's behavior is getting him in trouble at day care and I don't know what to do for him. My husband and I try to act as normal as possible around him so that he does not think anything is wrong but he can sense something is out of whack right now.
thanks for the letting me vent I truly am at the end of my rope. His next Neuro appt is 2/16 and I will be going with him because I need answers. My husband is famous for not asking the what ifs because well the doc has other patients worse off then him and there is nothing they can do for him. That is his viewpoint!
Cathy
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Wife of CH sufferer. Supporter and mother of two children.
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E-Double
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #1 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 1:13pm » |
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Hi Cathy,
I recently came off of Topamax after only being on it for a brief period..the reasons being #1 despite the first few days being relatively PF I rapidly lost myself!!!
First came the absent mindedness then I found myself falling into depression but worse was that I felt like I completely lost myself!!!
I couldn't teach on it...I could not conduct procedures that I have developed and run dozens of times....It was like feeling that I knew I had to do something but was completely at a loss.....
I am very much like your husband and despite dealing with this I tend to think that there are people so much worse off......
Well my wife is coming with me to my next Doc. Appt.....
She needs to voice her concerns better than I can or try to do....I am more like "ok..I'll try it" The only time I really spoke up LOUD was to get off the Topamax...
For me it is about rather having my wits....being happy despite the pain, being able to think and joke around and wanting my wife near.....
Maybe it is time for something else that won't have such drastic side effects.
You are his greatest supporter and this is not being selfish at all!!! You want your husband back and that is understandable!!! There has to be something that might work without depressing him and thus you!
It is so hard on you guys as supporters!
I love you all! I love my wife and hate seeing her in the pain that is induced by the condition that I have!
It sucks but if I were in your position I'd speak up to the doctor as I know my wife is getting ready to do!!
Hugs to you!!!
Eric
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WifeofCHSuffer
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #2 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 1:30pm » |
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Eric,
Thanks for describing my husband to a "T"! I called the Neuro and am awaiting a call back. I did this before in June while he was on the Topomax and they took him off it due to the depression. Although he still dealt with the migraines for a few more months he was more like himself.
Honestly the depression and the pain of the headaches are the scariest things. The depression and not knowing you are depressed is awful, trying to convince him he is depressed and needs help is a fruitless battle! I just take the bull by the horns and call the Neuro without his permission. I can't take it and I can't have him in the state he is in.
Thanks again for the support and good luck with being PF for awhile!
Cathy
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Wife of CH sufferer. Supporter and mother of two children.
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E-Double
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #3 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 1:35pm » |
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He is very lucky to have you!
Get his head clear.....
then you take some time for you!!!
Thanks for the wishes and here if you need!
E
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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DennyM
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #4 on: Mar 26th, 2005, 9:04pm » |
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Hello Cathy
Hope things have improved for you and your man since you wrote the above - ie he's come out of the cycle or at very least has given away the Topomax.
I don't recognise the name of this medication, so unless it goes under another name here, I don't think my sufferer (BDL) has ever had the dubious pleasure. Mind you - there have been other drugs prescribed for him that have had some absolutely hideous side effects. One particular neuro chopped and changed his medication so often that at one stage BDL was taking two different varieties of ergotomines (? spelling) at once. We didn't know what was happening to him - until an absolutely horrified pharmacist stepped in. Sometimes pharmacists make more sense than neuros!
Hang in there, Cathy. There are lots of us on your side and your man really does need you. Having to cope with a bewildered little boy as well must exacerbate your anguish.
Hope you'll have lots of good news for us very soon.
Love & blessings
Denny
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don
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #5 on: Apr 2nd, 2005, 12:39pm » |
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Quote:| He has no desire to be near me |
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If he is suffereing right now I would bet that he has no desire to even be near himself. CH is a very very lonely affliction. You feel seperated from the human race.
The problem is not you, not your children, and it is not him. It is the affliction. Encourage him to become pro-active in his treatment both in the medical sense as well as peer support. He will get his peer support here as will you as his supporter.
CH is not just a physical ailment. Ity takes it's toll mentally and spiritually as well. Every one around the sufferer becomes affected.
The good news is CH is treatable and manageable. It may take time to find his balance but it can be achieved.
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Ree
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #6 on: Apr 5th, 2005, 5:44pm » |
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Wonderful posts from both Eric and Don... yes and they are both right. Unless you stamp your feet and say... I want to help he probably wont let you in... Don't take it to heart. Until my husband totally let me in during a suicidal rant one night, I had no idea how much he hid from me. I decided then not to let him go it alone. Feel free to email me or IM me anytime......love to you Ree
wife of CH sufferer for 14 years (together 1 !!!
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rickyshot
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #7 on: May 6th, 2005, 1:12pm » |
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Yup he has to get proactive but sometimes a med really makes one crazy and you gotta step in. I had a psychotic episode when on Topoma and they stopped that drug. Of course the ha came back but I could not live like that at all. I think the Topomax has got to go. Try the kudzu. Seriously I have heard too much shit on the Tompomax from people on these boards. They should remove that drug from the market IMO.
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sandie99
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Re: I feel so all alone (M)
« Reply #8 on: May 7th, 2005, 12:53pm » |
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Cathy,
I hope that things are better between you and your husband. I understand how you feel but I can understand him even better. CH has made me depressed twice (first of them was on the same time I was to topamax!). In my case, I just snapped out of it. I hope he will, too. 
Best wishes for you both,
Sandie
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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