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Topic: AT THE END OF MY ROPE.... (Read 467 times) |
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Helpless
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Many painfree days and nights to you all.....
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AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« on: May 1st, 2004, 12:10am » |
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i dont know what to do anymore.....  i do what i can and ALL of my concern is for him but it never seems to be enough.... please someone tell me what i am sapposed to do or say.... i just dont know anymore.... if i didnt care for him i wouldnt show the concern that i do.... and i wouldnt worry the way that i do..... but the harder i try it seems the worse i make it.... i got with him knowing what was wronge with him and even that didnt scare me away.... i do everything i can for him to show that i care and wish that i could help.... maybe i am trying too hard... because when i showed concern tonight all it got me was yelled at and call a f*cking bitch..... i know i am going alittle off but i didnt know where else i could go that anyone would understand.... PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONGE.... i dont know if it is fixable this time... i am scared he is going to go his own way and i will be without the person that i care very much about..... but if that is what he wants i guess i cant stop it....
forever Helpless and alone......
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miapet
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what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #1 on: May 1st, 2004, 12:17pm » |
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*big hugs* helpless . . .for me, sometimes I would try what I thought was best .. . and what I thought was best wasn't always what was best when the beast was hitting . . .someone once posted, have your plan BEFORE the beast hits .. .know what your clusterhead wants/would like before it hits .. .since asking questions during a hit is not a god time . . .
I'm sorry for all your pain right now.
miapet
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Clusterbusters Rock
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Margi
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #2 on: May 3rd, 2004, 12:11pm » |
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More hugs from me too, helpless.  Being a cluster supporter is VERY hard work sometimes. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to sit back and say nothing. He knows that you love him and want to help him. He's got to get to the point, though, that he reminds himself of that. Give him some space and time so he can come to that realization. You've shown him how you feel, let him chew on it for awhile.
Sometimes we supporters turn ourselves inside out trying to help when, in reality, all we're doing is making our sufferers feel worse because they end up feeling guilty when they see US in emotional pain. So they tend to withdraw and push us away, thinking that if we're not around then we won't hurt so much. It really gets to be a vicious circle sometimes.
It's not an easy thing to do - to show your sufferer that the ball is in their court now. For supporters' self-preservation though - sometimes it's the only option. You need to set YOUR boundaries, helpless - you need to let him know what is and isn't ok for YOU. In my opinion, name calling isn't ok.
Rule #1 though, in the Supporters' Handbook - do NOT try to talk to your sufferer when they are under attack.  Doing that is a real good way to get told or called a bad name. You weren't trying to do that, were you, Helpless?
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| « Last Edit: May 3rd, 2004, 12:12pm by Margi » |
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Ree
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #3 on: May 4th, 2004, 12:12am » |
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Hi there............... Ive caught a few of your posts and have been sort of tip toeing around this...........hmmmm.
I agree with Margi... I don't think name calling is ok or cool at all...but is it just name calling or is it abuse...
Rees Rule #2 : Just because some one has Cluster headache or any other pain for that matter doesnt give them the liberty to verbally abuse you. You need to define the difference and realize whether this relationship is worth all of your effort.
Supporters suffer too...
You seem to be crying out for so much help for your sufferer and its all going unappreciated. Good luck God Bless and remember........ no one can treat you badly if you arent willing to accept the treatment... Give him a break without your support and see how he does. If you ask me he doesnt deserve your support. Not if he cannot control his words toward you when you are trying to help him........... love ree
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Helpless
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Many painfree days and nights to you all.....
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #4 on: May 9th, 2004, 5:18pm » |
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Sorry its been abit.... Had alot of family things going on.... Just wanted to say thank you some more.... The support here is great.... It helps so much... Everything has been better.... And I do think he regrets the name calling.... We all have to take it one day at a time and hope for the best... I realize this is harder on them than on us , BUT that dosnt mean that we dont suffer in our own way or need support of our own..... That is why I am very thankful to everyone here... Just sorry all my post cant be happy and up beat... But maybe someday we can all have better time for us and our sufferers.... So I will close for now with a great BIG hug to all... And may everyone have the painfree days and night that we all deserve....
Helpless 
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miapet
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #5 on: May 9th, 2004, 6:32pm » |
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I'm glad things may be going a bit better for you *smiles*
*positive light and energy*
miapet
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Clusterbusters Rock
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Woobie
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #6 on: May 9th, 2004, 7:10pm » |
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HUGZ from me too............
Wish I had words of wisdom for you.... but - well, I dont.
I'm sorry!
tina 
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mynm156
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #7 on: May 16th, 2004, 8:03pm » |
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When we are in pain we lash out at the ones closest to us. That doesnt make it right. It is also well known that those who get abused by those who they love fall easily for the cycle of abuse. There is the (Abuse phase) that is followed by the (Hearts and Flowers phase) Just understand that even though we who suffer from this terrible problem sometimes scream in agony. We shouldnt take our agony out on our loved ones. I go away to another room, a corner somewehre and pace! HE needs to find a way to deal with that part of our ailment.
GOOD VIBES AND LOTS O LOVE TO YOU!
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Superpain
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #8 on: Jun 25th, 2004, 5:52am » |
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Just stay away when he's getting hit.
But take into consideration the previous posts about any possible underlying problems.
I guess if we just got in a fight and I'm still mad and get hit I might say something verbally abusive if I were being bothered...  But normally my pain makes any preceding ANYTHING meaningless.
But not normally. All you can do once it comes is leave him alone. Unless you have a tank of oxygen or a shot of imitrex, if the head is a rockin, don't come knockin. 
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Chris
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Olivias_Dad
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Re: AT THE END OF MY ROPE....
« Reply #9 on: Jun 26th, 2004, 12:13am » |
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For someone like myself who suffers with the headaches and sees what my pregnant wife goes through when a bout hits me I can certainly appreciate your concern and worry.
Anytime a CH hits me it's at the worst moment. Unfortunately it's when my dear wife and I are asleep. I lie there writhing in pain trying not to wake her and often times leave the bedroom.
Most of the time she sees that I am suffering and helps me through it but I know she too is going to pay the price the next morning...For her, it's losing valuable sleep and a long day at work ahead
However, sometimes she will give me words of comfort and turn over to bed. Frankly, at first I thought that she was unsympathetic.... but we communicate... as long as she knows when I need her at some of the worst moments I try not to trouble her and she is there for me.
I think what I'm trying to say is I have been by myself with headaches knowing she is a room away for me... The worst times are when I'm alone, when she's at work, I with no one to turn to, that are the worst.
Try to set guidelines for him... communicate both his and your feelings and please don't give up.
He needs and appreciates you more than you know.. even though you may seem frustrated and alone.
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