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Topic: Hi Everyone! Haven't been here for awhile... (Read 172 times) |
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sandi
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Hi Everyone! Haven't been here for awhile...
« on: Dec 18th, 2003, 8:54am » |
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because days have been very hectic due to the holidays and things in my little part of "clusterville" have been changing rapidly.
Firstly though, I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving(an UNeventful Thanksgiving)and that you're all looking forward to a great Christmas and New Years!
Well, like I said, things have been changing. For awhile I thought that Frank was getting better, actually Frank thought Frank was getting better. And this has NOTHING to do with sex  that has gotten somewhat better but I don't know what's going to happen now  and I'm not talking about the "s" word...well I guess I'm talikng about life in general! I think I mentioned that Frank does like to have a few drinks once a week (which basically gives him one rotten night )and he hasn't given up smoking..as a matter of fact, I've been so nervous that I've started smoking a little when I see him..which is usually only on week-ends. His HAs were only happening at night since they resurfaced in October but just very recently he started getting the little(what he calls)"twinges" during he day. Last friday he was in a great mood(work related) and we met for dinner(and of course drinks..I told you I can't tell him what to do. He KNOWS alcohol is horrible for him). Well, we got back to my apartment and a CH started coming on. It was by far the worse one I ever saw him have. (He's tried water and it didn't work for him...he's convinced that cafergot is the only thing that works for him and he's abusing it. On top of that it's going to kill him because he abused it so badly during his last 15 year cycle that he developed cardiomyopathy. When I throw this at him he gets all defensive about how first he wants to worry about his head, then he'll worry about his heart...IDIOT!)Anyway...the headache last friday nite was awful and the bad pain lasted longer than usual. He took a hot shower and that didn't work. Obviously the cafergots didn't work! When I fell asleep he was sitting on the bed with his arms in one of those horrible cluster positions around his eye and I thought he was going to squeeze his eyeball out. He also put a towel around his head for added pressure. I came out to the living room at about 2am and he was kneeling on the floor with his head pushed into the couch and he was basically asleep. he got into bed around 3am and slept till about 6:30 when I had to get up for work. He didn't have a headache but he was a mess for the rest of the week-end. His eye hurt, his body temp was all screwed up. He didn't feel sick but he didn't feel "right" and he was exhausted(I know that's part of the deal). Thankfully we went out with his best friend from forever and his son on saturday night because in front of them he won't drink because of his heart...they would shoot him. His family has no idea he drinks anymore...but that's his business.
Well, all of a sudden this week Frank is getting HAs during the day and night and they have been BAD. He is going into a tailspin. He is getting more depressed every day. He's online often looking for miracle combinations of meds. He's ready to go to doc tomorrow to ask for verapamil and cafergot(oh yeah he needs More cafergot!)
Well, I know he's going to insist on doing it his way however he WILL take advice. He's talking nuts about checking into a hospital for a few days for oxygen because he doesn't know if he can get it due to his heart....he's worried about some big jobs he has coming up and being at meetings and getting a HA so he would do anything just to avoid that. Unfortunately that IS a big problem right now. DOES anyone have any suggestions as to how much verapamil should be taken(because he WILL get it)and what combination has worked for someone you know(not cafergot)so at least he'll have a more accurate idea of how to take these meds? He has taken them all but a long time ago and I don't think he really knows the dosage.
The worst part of all of this is the terrible feeling of hopelessness I see in his face. Frank is a tough guy...but he's depressed and scared that the cycle is now getting worse and that the headaches will come at all times of the day(not just the night) and that he's headed for another 15 year bout of this...and who knows he may be right but if I ever prayed for anything in my life it's that this is not the case!
It may sound selfish and I don't mean it that way but I'm scared. I try not to let him know and just to give advice when I feel he wants it but as you know, I've only been with him for 7 months and THIS IS VERY HARD! I love him alot, but since I've known Frank, 5 months have been "normal" then all this started. I guess what I'm really afraid of is that sooner or later if this gets worse he will push himself away from me because he'll be too tired to do anything else. e's not my husband and he may think it would be better for me.(although I'm not really sure about that because he does seem to depend on my "support" when he's feeling in the mood to talk about his fears which isn't often. Usually it's just medication talk.)
Oh I know this was long and rambling and I'm sorry but this is frustrating me and I just don't know how to help...
Any suggestions?
Hope you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and a DEMON FREE NEW YEAR! 
~Sandi
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Ree
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2008's my year to shine~SUN IS OUT!!!YAY
   
 
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Re: Hi Everyone! Haven't been here for awhile...
« Reply #1 on: Dec 22nd, 2003, 9:03am » |
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Oh Sandi I have lived through those same Demonic nights as you... first HE has to have the respect for himself not to drink while in cycle. HE has to see a Neuro that knows what to do with his medication situation... You cannot take on the brunt of all this... I have to give this to you. I don't know if I would be as brave as you starting into this..I think you said he was eposodic... so just hang in there and know that it will be over... some cycles are longer than others but having respect for himself is going to get him through it... and GET HIM TO A CONVENTION OR A CLUSTER MEET SO THAT HE CAN MEET PEOPLE LIKE HIMSELF... I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH...........HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH THIS DIBILITATING CONDITION........ you know my email you can IM ME too or call if you want love to you Ree
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