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Topic: It's NOT Migraine!! (Read 640 times) |
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seccsij
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I will survive!
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It's NOT Migraine!!
« on: Mar 13th, 2006, 8:07pm » |
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My HA's began when I was 15, a few weeks after I was involved in a fatal car accident and rendered momentarily unconscious. For the next 10 years, I was "doctor-shopping", trying to find 1 who would take me seriously and believe how much pain I was really in. I never did! I was told I had whiplash, muscular problems, neural problems, hypochondria, neurosis, psychiatric problems, trauma, neck and back arthritis. the list goes on and on.... When I was 20, I made a dentist remove healthy teeth as I was sure they were the epicentre of the pain. (wrong!) I had to quit 2 jobs because of HA's. Medications I was offered ranged from mersyndol, panadeine forte, paracetamol, indocid, dolobid, brufen, voltaren, imagran, anti-depressants, valium & nembudine, through to Pethidine/Stemitil injectios. (I had 5 of those in 21 years and point blank refuse to have any more! It doesn't touch the pain AND.. you can't move to help yourself!) For the last 11 years, I just forced myself to put up with them as best I could on my own. I would not see a Dr before I had HA's for 5 weeks (then they wouldn't believe I'd had 'em that long!). I self-medicated with Aspro Clear (13 p/day & Paracetamol(8 p/day).I tried swimming, exercise, walking, running myself ragged, pushing myself to my limits of exhaustion, relaxing, drinking  , and I quit smoking for 2 years. Of course, none of it worked!
I got very excited while expecting my 2 children as I never saw my 'demon' for over 18 months, both times. I wondered if it was hormonal.
A visiting Dr made me take anti-depressants because I was " so obviously stressed out" (after 5 WEEKS of getting 6-8 HA's every day and only snatching sleep when I could stand to stay still!!!!!) Eventually, I agreed to take them again for a longer duration and found some relief but, like all else, that only worked for one cluster and then it was back to the drawing board again. Those times were so demoralising.
1 Dr at ER, accused me of being an addict because I'd had pethidine the day b4 and came back to the hospital next day for a different remedy.(he thought I wanted more pethidine!!!! Didn't I lose it with him? He got me back,...... he gave me a cocktail of tablets, needles & suppositories that didn't work either!!)  I did my very best to raise my 2 kids and work 48 hrs rotating shifts in a manual labour position and I never took a day off from HA's but, I was a complete wreck and finally, at 29, I tried to take my own life. I had just finished 8 weeks of HA's (48 in total) and been PF for 2 weeks. I could feel the shadow coming back and I panicked. I just knew I couldn't possibly cope again this soon. I was sure I was a complete burden on my kids. My husband accused me of not caring about my kids enough. (he felt that GOOD mothers would never get sick, especially for 6 months of every year!)  . I still went to work with HA's but no-one believed I had them because surely I wouldn't BE at work if it was as bad as I said  . I wore ear plugs underneath ear- muffs and stayed silent for the whole day because my own voice hurt my head (people thought I was ignoring them or stuck-up!)  Finally, in Nov 2003, I let go. I'd had a complete nervous breakdown in 1998 (7 months recovery), and I was dangerously close again. I said goodbye to my family and, 6 months later, I quit my job and spiralled out of control. Alcohol, pot, gambling. u name it, if it was bad for me, I wanted it. I got into a new relationship and it was over b4 it started so I took off. Moved 600 km away! It was the best thing I ever did for myself! I have had weekly counselling, group therapies, emotional release counselling, anger identification classes, meditation, acupuncture and art therapy. I have read countless books including, "The Healing Journey" by Mark Pearson (which got me through my next HA without meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have been in Sydney for 18 months now and the demon only visits for 5 weeks each year ( a relative blessing for me). I miss my kids so badly, it hurts and school hols don't come soon enough but, my kids are glad that I don't get so many HA's anymore and I hardly ever cry now. They love that! I never knew of ANYONE else who suffered for the 1st 10 years until I was correctly diagnosed and, since then, I've only met 1 person with CH. My heart goes out to all of you in your struggle. I DO know what you are going through and I hope, eventually, I can help someone live with this damnable demon  . Good luck and NEVER GIVE IN!!!!!
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| « Last Edit: Mar 19th, 2006, 4:24pm by seccsij » |
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CH cannot stop me from still being ME!!!!!!!!! )
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