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Topic: Punxsutawney Shadows (Read 326 times) |
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Ted
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Punxsutawney Shadows
« on: Feb 4th, 2003, 3:21am » |
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Gunman surrenders after freeing Miami Postal Worker; "I suddenly realized I was trapped with a Postal Worker," says horrified hijacker
Even users of "hands-free" cell phones are more likely to be in accidents; "fortunately, they tend to be Hollywood agents, so it's not that big a tragedy," says researcher
Punxsutawney Phil sees shadow; discovers what evil lurks in the Hearts of Men
North Atlantic Shark Populations in rapid decline; "on the bright side, there's never been a better time to swim in the North Atlantic," notes optimistic Fishing Industry spokesman
Bush sends $2.23 trillion budget to Congress; key points include Tax-Cuts, Medicare overhaul, $252 billion in "impulse-buys" from Tower Records
Schwarzenegger undergoes surgery for rotator cuff torn while filming T3; conservatively estimated to have said "I'll be back" to pre-op nurses over 100 times in 24-hour period
Space Shuttle explodes; NASA places blame on damaged heat tiles, pervasiveness of 80's retro-chic
Illinois probes toddler chained to bedpost; "I wish they would have just let me go," sighs preschooler
Grocery clerk saw Laci Peterson but "forgot to report her" despite being begged by kidnapped woman to call the police; "But I'm really good at remembering birthdays!" says clerk brightly
US may debut secret microwave weapon against Iraq; "We have the ability to preemptively pop all their corn," gloats general
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