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Topic: Finally (Read 493 times) |
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Night_Owl
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A lot of things have happened in the past month or so, just felt like explaining a bit.
My mother has been really sick for a while, part of the reason I didn't want to make my ch's a big deal. She has a collapsed lung, possibly a blood clot and lung cancer. She has been coughing up blood and hasn't been able to get out of bed. Nothing is for sure yet as to what they can do or the severity of it, but it is pretty bad. They said she might die. This really made me think about things a lot. A while back I hit a tough spot in my life and felt that I couldn't deal. So I tried to commit suicide. I think about this now and just hate myself for being so selfish and blind. I think about losing my mom now, and how hard it would be without her. If I had accomplished my goal, she would have to live with that for the rest of her life. Anyway...in the midst of all of this new information I am running on no sleep in 45 hours. Anyone take a guess why? I finally got three hours of sleep the night before last, and three last night, so I am doing better now. Things aren't really registering that well at the moment so I am in a weird mood. So today guess who comes to visit me? Last period of the day and he throws a k8 at me, which later hits a 10. I left the class and headed to the bathroom. A friend, Vikki came with me. I told her to go back to class and that I would be in there in a minute (thinking that it would die down, it being odd to get hit that hard that time of day). She argued with me, but then left. I think it kind of freaked her out. About ten minutes later an administrator comes in and walks me out where I am joined with another official that looks like Waldo (where's wally). They were very understanding, asking lots of questions about what they could do, asked about my condition etc. Most of it was a bunch of mumbles and I don't think I made much sense either. Waldo (I can't remember his name) called my dad and took care of all of my school work and stuff. He talked to my dad on the phone for a while, asking about meds and things. They were both very helpful (guess I looked kinda scary), the lady took me into a back office and tried to get me to lay down, I tried to tell her that I couldn't but ended up just telling her to turn out the light. She left. Waldo came in a few times to check on me, again asked if there was something I needed, or anything he could do. I am crying my eyes out by this time, purple in the face, and my blood pressure was probably sky high. My dad finally came and they continued asking him questions about ch, and wanting to know about it, and what they could do if it happened again. After what seemed like an hour (in reality only 1-2 minutes), my dad took me to the car. People were getting out of classes at this time, and I am stumbling across the parking lot coughing and choking from crying so hard, making my eye scream every time. So anyway...they told me to go in tomorrow and pick up my stuff, and maybe explain it to them so they can better understand it. While all of this was happening I ran into two of my teachers tear stained face and all. Not another student, not another adult, but just two of my teachers...what luck. The administration will probably inform my teachers about this since I wasn't willing to go down and ask for help myself. My school is very good at keeping on top of things like that. So anyway...after I have written my biography here...the whole point of this was to say that there is still hope for the human race...some people do want to understand. I plan on taking some info to them tomorrow, and as soon as I can I am going to a different doctor and getting exactly the meds that I want. I don't want to do this again. Having that many people see me like that...I can just imagine what tomorrow is going to be like. That is all for now. Hope everyone is doing good. My family and I are taking everything one day at a time and although things have been a little tough we are all doing well.
Cassi
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"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."
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Roxy
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Re: Finally
« Reply #1 on: Jan 23rd, 2003, 10:31pm » |
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Cassi,
Thanks for posting this explaination. I know you said last night you were having a really hard time, and maybe it will help to get it off your chest. We are all here to help in whatever way we can.
Glad your teachers and admininstrators were understanding, I thought they would be. I'm just so sorry about your mother, and I hope her condition gets better. Now I know what you meant by other stuff going on in your life!
Take care, and get that 02!
Tracey
Anytime you need to talk, you just email your phone number....I'll be glad to listen.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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Mastifflvr28
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Re: Finally
« Reply #2 on: Jan 23rd, 2003, 11:19pm » |
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OH OWL!!!!!!
I'm so freakin happy for you...well, not for your mom. I'm sorry bout that.
But I've been waiting a logn time for you to get tough.
I wish your family the BEST of luck!!!
Kick some ass!!!
Love ya,
Mast
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Mastifflvr28 (aka Michelle A.)
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Karla
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Re: Finally
« Reply #3 on: Jan 23rd, 2003, 11:30pm » |
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Night Owl, I am so sorry about your Mother. My family will pray for her to get well. I am glad to hear you got a little sleep. Hopefully you will get more soon. I am glad your teachers want to learn about ch. Print off some off the stuff hear to show them and be up front with them. You will be the winner in the long run if you do. Good luck with your next neuro apt. I am glad to see you are up to the fight of sticking up for yourself. Sorry you are having to do it so young. Thanks for sharing and I will pray for you to.
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Karla
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athos
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Re: Finally
« Reply #4 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 12:24am » |
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Good luck Night_Owl
This place has been a godsend for me...... Just the support is the great thing... I have had them since I was 18... going on 16 years now and getting worse... Nothing seems to help.... Praying you get some help for yours.
Athos.
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paul_b
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Re: Finally
« Reply #5 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 12:26am » |
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When you are approached by others in school, keep it simple and just tell them you are cursed (for the time being) with the headache from Hell. No current cure but only the worlds most talented people seem afflicted  ;D  . Glad you are back on the board posting. Time to rally around this young lady troops.
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suzy617
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Re: Finally
« Reply #6 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 6:00am » |
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Hi Cassi,
Glad you are starting to feel better, stay strong and continue on that road. Very sorry about your mom, I will say a prayer for her.
Recently we had a post on "has anyone every tried to commit suicide". Please read this, you will see that all who tried were sorry later. Remember, this is a permenant action to a temporary situation. Things get better eventually although you may not think that now.
I hope you find some peace and pf days soon, you are in my thoughts. Also, please get yourself help fast if you ever feel that way again....ya hear?
suzy
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Ann
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Re: Finally
« Reply #7 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 7:57am » |
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Hi Night Owl!
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and I will be sending your family some positive vibes. Glad to know that your school is willing to help you. There is nothing like seeing it to believe it!! That probably helped your cause. Although many of us prefer to suffer unseen and unheard, sometimes people need to see us to fully understand. I know that my parents never really understood until I arrived at their house with a full blown. They were completely taken aback and asking hordes of questions. Suddenly it wasn't just a headache and suck it up girl! ;D
I'm glad you have decided to fight back. There is no other way to deal with this affliction I think. At least if you feel you are doing something, you don't feel so lost. Don't forget to talk to your friends too. They need to know what they can do to help you.
hang in there and keep kicking ass!
hugs
Ann
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domm
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Re: Finally
« Reply #8 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 5:26pm » |
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Night Owl - glad you made it back. You know your friends here understand and care for you. We may be physically apart, but never mentally. Our family members are always in our thoughts.
Take care sis
If there's anything I can do to help, let me know
domm
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| « Last Edit: Jan 24th, 2003, 5:27pm by domm » |
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Opus
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Re: Finally
« Reply #9 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 5:52pm » |
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Cassi,
Thank you so much for the update and I am glad you gave this place another chance. A few good friends are great but here you can talk to sufferers around the world.
Opus 
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Zed-Zed-nine plural-Zed alpha,
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kim
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Re: Finally
« Reply #10 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 5:58pm » |
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Hey Night,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Prayers and best wishes coming at ya.
Good going with school!!!!!!!!!!! Keep on doing what yur doin!
PFDAN
Kim
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2late
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Re: Finally
« Reply #11 on: Jan 25th, 2003, 10:35am » |
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night, sorry to hear about your mom, you still have hope,good luck! glad yer back & glad to hear about school. stick around owl! ..........2late
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Peppermint
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Re: Finally
« Reply #12 on: Jan 25th, 2003, 11:11am » |
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Cassi.
You've had a long hard road. You know I'm so sorry about your mom. But I am totally relieved that you were, revealed, so to speak, to people who might be able to give you some support - there ARE good people out in the world - ole Waldo is likely a blessing in disguise....
I know you've been staying away and its great you are back! In any case.... you know i'm good for listening at the very least. 
Maybe I'll do some more standup for you & make you laugh. 
In any case, I'm really happy your parents are finally with you on this. Its just the beginning so hang in in there kiddo....
Love, Pep
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Night_Owl
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Re: Finally
« Reply #13 on: Jan 25th, 2003, 8:10pm » |
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Thank you for all of your support. There aren't many people that understand the pain that comes with ch. Most write it off as "just a headache". But everyone here understands, and it is nice to be understood every once in a while.
Cassi
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cootie
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Re: Finally
« Reply #14 on: Jan 25th, 2003, 8:31pm » |
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guess ya gotta take the good with the bad....'so sorry' ta hear bout yer mom....glad yer gettin some understandin help tho with school......wishin good luck to ya !!! Pam
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firebrix
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Re: Finally
« Reply #15 on: Jan 27th, 2003, 4:16pm » |
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Welcome back Night_Owl!
Great to hear from you even if the news of your mother is not good. We understand, and wish her a speedy return to good health.
You too! Great that you are taking charge. Kia Kaha!(Be Strong)
Any time you might wish to talk, vent, whatever, our E mail's on the site. Here for you anytime.
Thanx for the update. You have lots of friends here.
firebrix
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"All that it takes for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
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