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Topic: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcotics (Read 1155 times) |
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ami
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New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcotics
« on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:12pm » |
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I think I have Cluster Headaches. I'm not sure. I've seen numerous neurologists and had all the tests -- which have come up with nothing. I have headaches that go for a while in remission then come on like freight trains for days and then get closer and closer in space until I have them every day for long periods of time.. It's been almost a month this time around. Severity is really bad about 3 times per day -- otherwise - a general painful lull that makes me want to just rock in my chair --and I usually do.. or yell at people. I've been put on paxil -- and was hospitalized to come off of it. I've been on all kinds of narcotics -- to which I'm now addicted. Xanex, darvocet and others. I can't even get xanex anymore and now i can't get another appt until feb. 17th with a new neurologist. I feel like I"m going crazy and losing my mind. I'm drunk, drugged or something 24/7 --even at work. scared of losing my job. They never come up with any answers. I know my uncle had cluster headaches - but that's the only history I know of. I was admitted to get off of this "cycle" as they put it and had a seizure in the hospital -- then after -- leaving the hospital all wet peedpants and all - never made another appt with me until a month and a half later -- at which point -- i'd already seen anotehr doctor to get xanex and percosets for pain. i'm rigth back where i started and i don't know what to do. i feel like a time bomb.. and can't get any answers. i'm very shy -- i don't like to ask for meds -- feel like a druggy -- and when i get put off for appts -- i just say -- ok.. and take whatever they give me. i'm scared i'll be a vegetable by the time i finally get in to see another neurologist.. and with the tests showing nothing.. what are they going to say? that i have tension-migraines and i should take muscle relaxers? i've been there -- still am at times. i've also taken all migraine meds to no avail, zomig, immitrex -- you name it. i need some advice and quick. -- if anyone's out there listening. i think i can't talk to my family about it -- friends don't understand -- and i feel so alone. i feel isolated and like i'm dying. i pop pills all day and now will probably have to go to a drug dealer to get more xanex just to get throught eh dday b/c my old doc won't give it to me anymore -- says -- "go see another neurologist" -- which again -- isn't til feb. 17th.
?????? I'm just in pain. truly and honestly. don't know what to do. any advice.? -- ami
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brain_cramps
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #1 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:21pm » |
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3 steps:
1 - find a neuro who knows whats what
2 - get the f*ck away from the xanax, percosits, etc!!! that shit DOESN'T help. Been down that road before. Nice and easy going down the road... Helluva a climb back up!
3 - quit cheering for the Bucs 
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ami
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #2 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:26pm » |
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Go BUCS! Can't help it -- I'm a Huge Fan! Used to live in Cali -- but was never an Oakland Fan even then... Although I can't see two better teams -- or teams I'd like to see more -- than the ones that are here.. 
I'm trying to get off the Xanex -- What can i do for pain until I get in to see this doc? Do I bring up clusters right away? They always misdiagnose me -- and I end up on more narcotics and anti-depressants.. it's ridiculous.
I think I've had all the right tests.. at least I think so..
How do I get through this pain -- any ideas - without the right meds til feb. 17th? I know I sound like a whiner -- but no one understands how much pain I'm in -- I'm even working right now -- and I just want to die -- seriously.. If I'm not drunk or on meds.. I can't stand to open my eyes or walk or leave my house. you know the drill i'm sure.
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Jimi
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #3 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:33pm » |
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I am a little surprised that imitrex, zomig etc did not work. They usually work very well for clusters. Read all the info on the left. Normally clusters come once or twice a year. You may get them 3-4 times a day or once a day. They usually last from 1/2 to 2 hours and the pain is unbearable. Then it is over until the next one hits. The cycle usually lasts from one to two months but can last longer. With all the xanex and other narcotics you are on, you may be experiencing withdrawal, rebounds etc. Oxygen also works very well for clusters. read all about that on the left as well. Then if you still feel that you have clusters, go to any doctor and get a prescription for the oxygen and another for imitrex. Good luck
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #4 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:33pm » |
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ami,
read your PM....
Slammy 
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ami
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #5 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:39pm » |
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Thanks. appreciated.
I'll check into all of that.
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #6 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 1:59pm » |
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Ami...Please go get some help. Get a Doctor that you trust and be honest with him/her. Benzodiazapines are very dangerous to go off of Cold Turkey. With the Percocets you'll just feel rotten, but the alprazolam can cause severe seizures when stopping cold turkey.
This is a medical problem and needs to be treated as such. Your local dealer can not help you, only a Medical Professional.
Good Luck
Jim
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ami
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #7 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 2:04pm » |
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Thanks. I'm seeking help. I appreciate your candor. I'll be honest with her. I have an appt on Feb. 17th. This makes sense b/c the last time I went off I had a mal seizure in the hospital thank god -- but I had one nonetheless. I guess all these drugs I've just gotten caught up in -- for pain -- but for now -- I should stay on them right -- until feb. 17th? I have no choice really...
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Elaine
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #8 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 3:50pm » |
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All this pain med can cause you to hurt more did ya know that. I found years ago when I was on pain meds my attacks was worst because those pain meds made me tired and I was to tired to fight the devil.
Now there are some things you can do before your doctors visit.
Read this site print out things and give them to your doctor.
When you get hit try some things we have when we did not have meds, and we have all been there and done things.
Here are some things I have done. Cold helps the pain.
Take a COLD shower. It works ! Use Ice on your head hold it there till it hurts more than the cluster. Turn your air conditioner on breath the cold air from the vents. If its cold where you are go outside. I been known to stand in the snow belive me you won't feel the cold it will feel good.
Some here run in place do jumping jacks excerise seems to help. Bob P use to run.
I know some to use hot sause under their toung don't ask ! Some have taken hot pepper and placed a little in the inside of their nose. There is a cream with it in it but I forgot the name of it. You can laugh but I saw this on the news one day. You take this cream put it on a q tip and put it in your nose, thak it from me you don't need a lot. After you get through ruunning all over your house yelling and cussing me for telling you this cause your nose is burning off, you might find the pain has ended in your head  !
ok People lets all tell some things that helped us when we did not have any meds!!!
Now lay off that pain crap ! Get better , use the tools you have here educate your self so when you go to the doctor you can educate him. If your to shy to tell the doctor what you need read and print and let him read it.
Good luck and feel free to email me!
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fubar
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #9 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 3:59pm » |
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ami,
You need to start weaning yourself off of those meds now and you know it. It isn't rocket science... There are plenty of places that will help you detox and manage your pain through it all, while monitoring your vital signs for any problems. Stopping cold turkey can kill you, but every day you wait is doing more damage to your body. Your neuro appointment is important, but you need to consider being admitted right now for detox, and that will prepare you for managing the CHs (or whatever you have).
These are tough decisions, and I know it's easier to just wait until the neuro appointment, but let's just take a look at what will happen, regardless. You're going to keep medicating yourself until the 17th, and when you meet the Dr., you'll basically have to tell the Dr. you are an addict and need help. This will immediately take precedence over the headache issue (as it should) and you won't even start to get help for the headaches.
You simply must get yourself in a position to start doing something positive to help your headaches. The addiction problem will override or negate anything you do until it is solved. My point is, it's folly to wait until the 17th to start doing something. The neuro appointment will be wasted, and you'll be no closer to a solution. Obviously you need help and you need it right now, not on the 17th.
Get yourself admitted. Tell them EXACTLY what you are addicted to, and tell them EXACTLY how much you take of what and how often. They have to know so they can properly take care of you as your body starts to revolt against the lack of drugs in your system. Do it right now. Call any substance abuse center or hospital, they can find you place to go and start recovering. Nobody should be living like you do. Get Help.
-Fu
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ami
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #10 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 4:06pm » |
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Thanks. that's so scary. I can't leave work for that long -- and I don't even know if I'd have a job when i got out. What personal rights do I have to privacy -- or would everyone here know I was addicted to meds? That would ruin me. I'm a producer and it just can't happen that way.
I'm very much addicted and almost out of pain meds -- I'm starting to have panic attacks over it. I agree with you-- rationally - and know I should do something now -- I just don't know how -- go to an emergency room? They'll put me in the mental ward like they did last time -- I dont' want that. I felt like a lower class citizen and had no visitors.
Who can I contact -- anonymously -- and is there something I can take on my own without the pain meds to get me off of them -- on my own perhaps? Am I fooling myself here? I'm in so much pain -- I can't see straight -- A friend told mea bout this website -- and I'm so glad I wrote -- b/c this is the most info I've ever received. I feel like no one understands me..and I'm slipping into deep depression/narcotic hypnosis --more and more every day. Now -- I'll take whatever I can get my hands on b/c i'm just so out of it. And I'm normally a very together person/professional -- it's just so strange how I got here. I don't remember getting here.
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Margi
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #11 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 4:14pm » |
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Wow, Fubar - AWESOME post, man!!
Ami, listen to the advice here. A job is only a job - you need to address life threatening issues here.
Please take that step and call someone for help. I'm betting the pieces of your life will quickly fall back into place once you start making a positive effort to recovery.
Again, Fubar - you rock.
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fubar
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #12 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 4:19pm » |
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ami,
You've already taken step #1... admit you have a problem. Once that sinks in, you will make a decision to stay sick or get better REGARDLESS of the consequences. Do you understand what I mean? Let's say you choose to stay sick... not get the help you need. That means you will die. There is no other way out if you continue to let your addiction run your life... the only end is death. So, by extension, you are choosing death. Does that sound better than "feeling like a second class citizen"?
I know how disgusting the recovery places can be. You are surrounded by other sick people with substance abuse issues as well as mental health issues. It sucks. But there isn't any magic unaddiction pill you can take my friend. You have to accept the fact you are going to either die an addict, or get help and start having a normal life again.
Privacy is maintained. What you tell your employer is up to you. My advice would be to blame the whole absence on a horrible neurological condition. Any way you slice it, you are only making excuses to avoid the ugliness of dealing with the problem. What you are missing is the extreme ugliness of NOT dealing with it, death.
-Fu
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #13 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 4:33pm » |
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I can tell you about clusters and what works for me but I don't know how to help you with getting off druggs.
I have had to ask for help for other problems in my life.
I am glad I did! I found a site you might want to check out!
http://www.thehelpline.net/counselors.html
If I can help in any way email me !
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Jimi
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #14 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 4:45pm » |
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I gotta go along with Fubar on this one. If you are respected in your field and have a good relationship with your boss, or if you are a boss, with your co-workers, go to him/her and tell them that you have found yourself becoming addicted to pain medication. You can say it started with pain in your knee, lower back, anything that you can think of that may apply. Tell them you are to the point that you have to get off and all that you have read indicated that it is dangerous to go cold turkey. Most insurance's pay much of the cost for drug dependence therapy. If they are any kind of company, they will understand and help you. This problem is fairly wide spread and happens to many people. If you buy your drugs illegally and get caught, I guarantee you will be sent to a rehab, court appointed and your supervisors will be much less understanding.
You came to THIS place seeking advice. I don't think it was an accident that you did. But you have to make the giant leap of getting the ball rolling for yourself and put behind you the worrying of what people will think.
Remember, you were not lead here by accident. take advantage of this gift that has been given to you. We don't mean to sound tough, but I know you are not thinking all that straight now and many, here, have been there. Schedule that meeting with your boss tomorrow. This will work out.
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fubar
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #15 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 5:05pm » |
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ami,
I'm sorry if I sound harsh... I really do know what you are dealing with. I am married to an addict. Her substance(s) of choice are mainly alcohol and xanax, but addiction is a lifestyle and she will abuse anything that produces a change in reality...
We have dealt with all of the issues you are worried about... the embarassment, the disgusting rehabs, the marital discord, the employment issues... all of it. There was a point when I didn't believe she would ever EVER be in a healthy state again. Well, after years of dealing with it (it's a lifetime problem) she is really doing well now. She has learned to ignore what other people might think, and is actually proud to be a recovering addict. She should be... it's hard work.
You are young and maybe you will live through this, but you have to know it is a deadly situation. You simply MUST get help and get it now. I can't stress enough... there is no way in hell you're going to win this battle in private. You can do it on your terms, or you can do it on the governments terms if you get caught buying illegal drugs, or most likely you will be dealing with it on your undertaker's terms. I know that sounds like hyperbole... it isn't. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make some calls. Call your insurance company. They will, believe it or not, actually help you find the right place and get you started. This is more common than you realize, mostly because many people DO manage to keep it private.
Please, just start making the phone calls. You seem intelligent and not like the average junkie, but you exhibit the very typical sensational ability to justify NOT seeking help. Just fucking do it. Please. You are so young, you have a lot of life to live and you should be living it, not medicating yourself to death.
-Fu
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #16 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 5:51pm » |
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Ami,
Fu is right on the money....read his posts & Follow them... It's your only hope..
Good Luck!
Kev C
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2late
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #17 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 6:12pm » |
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take fu's advice & get clean (i know it's easier said than done) but i've been there,my first wife left me cause of drug abuse, today everything comes a little easier for me. you need to have your life in order to deal with this, you'll find a neuro that know's his shit & get you on the right med program & you can have a good quality of life with this, but not until you have a clear head. good luck to you! ..........2late
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #18 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 7:50pm » |
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Ami
I know you're really worried right now about what everyone is going to think about you. Everyone that matters is going to think you're amazingly strong for being able to face your problem and do something about it.
Detox isn't fun but it's better in a controlled situation that you have chosen than in a jail cell. Please don't buy drugs on the street. You're not even going to be able to know what you're really getting. those drugs alone may kill you.
There are people here that really care and understand the place you're in right now. It seems like an impossible decision to make so break it down to easy pieces.
Do you want to stop hurting? The meds you're mixing may be causing a lot of the pain.
Do you want to get advice and help from people who know what they're doing? That's the folks that work in detox, they see this all the time, they know what to do to make you feel better.
Do you want to make your own decisions or do you want to be "in the system"? YOU decide what you're going to do and then do it. It may not be a fun place to go but face it, are you having fun now? Is life good? It wasn't easy getting to where you are and it won't be easy getting better either but you can do it if you want. It's a decision you have to make.
Getting out of pain and getting out of danger should be your #1 priority. You can help yourself. Your are strong enough to find your own way out of this. You aren't the only one this has happended to and if you're a producer that means that you are creative, and enterprising and strong and a lot of people weaker than you have made it and you will too.
It may seem hopeless now but try to concentrate on how great it's gonna be when you can come back on this web site and tell us all how much better you feel. We are all in your corner, we care. You're the only one that can take the step toward getting help but we're all going to be thinking about you and wishing you well. Let us know.
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Charlie
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #19 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 9:30pm » |
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Welcome. You're among people here who really do understand your pain. You might want to show others some printouts from here. I agree with the whole goofy bunch here. Somewhere along the line when you can concentrate, you might give my old neurologist's thing a try. Here it is:
Dr. Wright's Circulatory Technique
This is not transcendental meditation, imagery, relaxation, or anything psychic. It's entirely physical and takes a lot of work and concentration. Give this method a good workout. It’s not a miracle, but it’s been helpful to many.
When I was diagnosed, my neurologist said to treat this as a vascular problem. I was told to concentrate on “redirecting” blood circulation in order to retard flow to the head. This is done by trying to “send” blood into the arms and hands or other extremities. When properly done, your hands will become warm and redder with increased circulation. I also found it easier to concentrate on one hand.
This relieves just slightly, the pressure on the affected vessel, which indirectly causes our pain. We all have this ability but it can be exhausting. I was often able shorten my attacks from about half an hour to no more than a few minutes. Sometimes, when awake, I could entirely abort the attack IF I KEPT AT IT. Often, I would suffer only minor discomfort instead of excruciating pain. Do not stop just because your hands are warm or redder. Keep this up until you are sure it's subsided. If you let up or lose concentration, it’s very hard to restart this process. It may take some time but when this works, the relief is almost immediate.
I learned this from the doctor in a few minutes. He simply told me to try to keep blood away from the head. He thought it easiest to concentrate on the arms and hands but any place that works for you is fine. He said to think of it as "filling your hands" with redirected blood. It’s important to keep at it THROUGH the pain. This will be difficult, but it’s the only way this technique will work. Don’t let up until you are sure the attack has ended.
This will not always work, but I think it will always have at least some effect on the severity and duration of the attacks. It can be useful between medications or while waiting for some other drug to take effect. All it takes is a little practice. It was fairly easy to learn and what I'm writing here is more than I got from the doctor, as I've drawn from my own experience.
When awakened in horrible pain, it’s very hard to focus, but I think it’s always worth a try. This costs nothing but hard work, is harmless, non-invasive, and it gives us a fighting chance.
I wish you the best of luck - Charlie Strand
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #20 on: Jan 22nd, 2003, 11:37pm » |
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ami you NEED ta stand up and take charge of ye 'life'....this is no way ta live and dealin with the meds yer on runnin out isn't an answer to your REAL pain !! Do they even really work for the pain tho ? I think it's a serious enuff condition ya have that the work place should understand.....ya gotta try and understand what is goin on yerself first...and how ta go bout the change in a safe way...and get on a treatment that really works....and find a doc that will really help you. I'd say the oxygen deal is a good route fer starters....I know alot of people that have never gotten out of the drug or alchohol rut....there jus gettin nowhere fast that's all. They have nothing !! Respect yerself.....do it......yer not gettin anywhere this way. Good luck to ya......Pam
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #21 on: Jan 23rd, 2003, 1:23am » |
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AMI.
Sorry you are having a rough time! Listen to Fubar. .. he is wise!
as for the job thing
FMLA = Family Medical Leave Act
They have to give you time off for medical reasons, and yours is a medical issue. You mayor may not have to tell them WHY, but who cares? They have to respect your privacy, or you can sue.. it's that simple.
I think your life is more important than the job right now anyway. If you have no life, you cannot work.
Just my thoughts. I hope you get some relief quickly.. and I wish you strength. It's gonna be hard.. but it's worth it all!
Tina 
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #23 on: Jan 24th, 2003, 1:16pm » |
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ami,
Are you still with us? We can help you. Please don't give up.
-Fu
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ami
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Re: New to This -- Need Advice. Addicted to Narcot
« Reply #24 on: Jan 27th, 2003, 10:39am » |
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Hey -- Thanks to all of you for your responses. They have been alarming, educational, heartwarming, and intense -- all at the same time. I am listening.
I had my boss take me to a hospital on Friday after missing Thursday/Friday of work due to pain. I went to ER and was accepted immediately. But they again -- referred me to another neurologist -- hopefully to get in faster with a hospital referral -- but still 5-7 days. They saw how much pain I was in -- and despite all the narcotics I told them I was taking -- they gave me an injection of Toridol -- and sent me home with Oxycodone pills -- and told me to double the dosage until I see the neurologist. I feel like I'm worse than I was before. I thought sure they'd admit me there for drug addiction -- and get me the help I needed -- but they did not. I guess I could've asked them to -- but my boss drove me there -- and I did come clean about all the meds I was on -- and how they weren't working -- and what should I do? -- All in front of him -- and they still just gave me the shot and pills and sent me on my way. I've been throwing up all night b/c I've taken so many of these pills that I can't keep them down.. and they don't work.
I'm at work today -- but just barely. I almost passed out in my breakfast this morning at Denny's. It scares me b/c it just crept up on me and I felt myself falling forward into my grilled cheese -- like all of a sudden. I'm not myself. I know I should check into rehab places and I'll do that today. I also need to check on neuro appt today.. hopefully 5 days -- maybe then I can come clean with Dr. Wilson and ask her what she suggests.. maybe she will suggest a rehab as well? -- I'm just so scared and going through this alone. I was already in rehab once before -- when I went to ER -- my last neurologist had put me on Paxil -- which did NOTHING for my problem -- and I stopped taking it. 30mg to nothing.. it sent me through the roof. They admitted me right away -- and all they wanted to do was to keep me on paxil. I finally "weened" off of it -- but they doctor i followed up with still wanted me on it -- I just don't get that! So anyway -- I was drug free -- and then the headaches came back -- in about a month. Now here I am again. I do not have an addictive personality -- and I'm strong enough to stop whatever or do wahtever needs to be done -- I just can't stop this pain.. and that's the frustrating part for me..
Thanks again for all your support -- it means so much to me right now. -- ami
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ami manning
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