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Topic: What I'm going to do with Lily... (Read 588 times) |
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Melissa
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What I'm going to do with Lily...
« on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:05pm » |
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After receiving her 2nd Quarter report card today, I can see clearly now that she needs outside help.
7th grade for her is getting hard, the 1st quarter was pretty much good, but she's struggling now. 3 F's this time and a whole bunch of "must complete homework, often not on task, missing assignments, incomplete work and capable of better work" on her report card is like waving a big, huge, red alert sign at me.
Monday before her karate class, we are going to stop at the local Sylvan center to talk to someone about what is involved and pricing for their "Study Skills" program. I read it over online and see that it would match up with what she's having problems with.
Now mind you, I just spoke with Jesse and he wants to instill the fear of God in her and tell her to get her head out of her ass, but I told him, all that's going to do for her is make her cry and feel even worse than she already does about her grades. She is a sweet, sensitive girl, who does not do this on purpose! She tries, she really does, but she needs more and it has to be outside help because I don't know how to help her.
I think this will be the right thing to do!
Heaven help me. 
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artonio7
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #1 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:11pm » |
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Can you at all engage her while you are trying to learn how to help her? Make her part of figuring out what she needs and how to work through it might be a step in the right direction.
Do the teachers offer any suggestions on how you can help?
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DennisM1045
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #2 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:17pm » |
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I hope Sylvan can help you. In the mean time, what do you think is distracting her? What stress is there in her life right now?
Sometimes kids use grades to get attention. Sometimes there are things going on around them that take their focus off the task at hand. Could be classmates, peer pressure, boys, ...
What does your intuition tell you? We know she's a sweet kid. Sweet kids get off the tracks too. The answer is somewhere between unjudgemental compassion and the fear of God.
Listen to your gut, not your heart Mel. Good luck hun...
-Dennis-
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Melissa
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #3 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:21pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:11pm, artonio7 wrote:| Can you at all engage her while you are trying to learn how to help her? Make her part of figuring out what she needs and how to work through it might be a step in the right direction. |
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I had to read this a few times and I'm sorry, I still don't understand what you're getting at. What do you mean by engaging her? I can only do so much and I've exhausted everything I can think of already, plus I'm giving birth soon, so I definately need the professional outside help.
Quote:| Do the teachers offer any suggestions on how you can help? |
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No, they don't. It's a small country school she goes to and most of the teachers, who are men, don't care. They teach more than 1 subject and are coaches for sports.
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| « Last Edit: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:22pm by Melissa » |
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Ree
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #4 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:24pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:17pm, DennisM1045 wrote:I hope Sylvan can help you. In the mean time, what do you think is distracting her? What stress is there in her life right now?
Sometimes kids use grades to get attention. Sometimes there are things going on around them that take their focus off the task at hand. Could be classmates, peer pressure, boys, ...
What does your intuition tell you? We know she's a sweet kid. Sweet kids get off the tracks too. The answer is somewhere between unjudgemental compassion and the fear of God.
Listen to your gut, not your heart Mel. Good luck hun...
-Dennis-
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Its hormones and boys and the fact that the new math that we had isn't the same... they changed it again. I think you are doing the right thing Mel... I got an outside tutor because the school wasnt doing jack sh*t for Breezy and that tutor got her back on track... They will find out her learning style and give her some good ideas and strategies to learn in her own way and her own time... For now though email her teachers and sneekily have them change her seat... I do it all the time... I told the last teacher if he told her I emailed him I would deny deny deny it... hahaha and he said he liked my sneeky fashion... we all want our kids to be successful. The way they sit kids in school sets them up to fail. Its so distracting. I like the old fashioned sit in rows and keep your mouth closed... Now everything is open and share with your partner...
Anyway Breezy was on the honor roll again and it is due to that wonderful tutor and not the educational plan that didn't work at all for her...
Good luck I will pray for beautiful Lily... I'm sure she will find her nich. I always told Breezy when she was having difficulties if that was her hardest work then it was ok. She tried so hard, and now she feels successful.
love to you Ree
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Melissa
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #5 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:24pm » |
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I'm so f'ing tired. 
Dennis- she's a teenager! Of course there are boys, wanting to chat w/friends instead of paying attention in class, etc. I think every teenage girl has gone through that. What she needs is some good structuring and guidance.
I don't understand, is Sylvan a bad idea? I thought it would be a good thing. 
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Jonny
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #6 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:25pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:05pm, Melissa wrote:
and a whole bunch of "must complete homework, often not on task, missing assignments, incomplete work and capable of better work" on her report card is like waving a big, huge, red alert sign at me. |
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It should, are you making sure she does her homework?
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Melissa
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #7 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:26pm » |
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Oh Ree, THANK YOU!!! The most I need right now is support, and you just gave me a load full!! 
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Melissa
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #8 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:29pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:25pm, Jonny wrote:
It should, are you making sure she does her homework?
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YES. She has since right after Christmas break, because they had sent progress reports home just before Christmas break. She has been bringing her work home and doing it and returning it. The papers she has been bringing home since then are just great! BUT, the timing sucked and I knew this would happen on her report card because we didn't initiate this until after I got those progress reports.
She's doing well, but I don't want to see her slip again, therefore I want to give her tools.
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Rosybabe
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #9 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:40pm » |
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Melissa, take her to Sylvan, sometimes all you need is another aproach to the subjets and everything clears up like clean water  .
Tutors are always a good idea if you can afford them. I used to be a tutor in college and it was very nice to help another students to understand the subjets they had trouble with and see them improve their grades
Your husband getting mad at her will not help, it will only make Lily feel worst as you said.
She is in that difficult age...but she is still a child and needs lots of reassurance and love. I hope everything turn out right for her and your sanity. You already have a lot on your plate and more to come with little Ava.
Hugs
Rosy.
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Ree
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #10 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:43pm » |
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I just read what you said about those teachers and I think you should contact your principal if you are not happy with the help they are offering... Alot of times the kids won't tell you that they have afterschool help for homework and if you don't understand... I found that out. Breezy wasn't happy either. hahaha If you don't like the answer you get from the Principal then go to the Superintendant. Teachers hate when you go over their heads believe me I have been through this... You should try to get the school to pay for the tutor even though they will try not to pay. Ask other parents about their kids grades... if all the kids arent doing well in those classes OH well I guess the teachers aren't doin their jobs... Don't feel like its your fault though. She is responsible and its so hard to be beautiful and hormonal and 12-13 years old... it really is... maybe she can have a friend come over and study with her.
I'm here for support any time... I had to fight for help for my daughter and the school didnt pay for it... Recently I went to the school to take Breezy off her ED plan and they said Wow she is doing really well this worked for her and I interrupted and said" WELL LETS NOT FORGET THAT I HAD TO PAY A TUTOR TO GET BREEZY BACK ON TRACK, I THINK SHE HAD A LOT TO DO WITH HER SUCCESS AND NOT THE ED PLAN". Breezy is doing it. With my fingers crossed and lots of prayer. 7th grade is a hard year for sure... Breezy is doing so much better in the 8th now that the Middle school syndrome has set in. Its such a let down to be responsible for so much and be organized too... they really put alot of pressure on the kids in 7th grade.
I feel for you, be a squeaky wheel at her school and say I saw Lily's report card and I want to know what WE are going to do to bring up these grades. Sometimes they will let her do creative projects for xtra credit maybe...
Good luck
love ree
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DonnaH_again
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #11 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 5:18pm » |
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In my opinion and by trial and error I think that........
most (but not all) teachers want their students to either follow in perfect order or have them put on Ritilan (sp?). They don't try to get to know the child. (They are overworked with large classrooms). If teachers could loosen up a little bit, we'd have a classroom of happy kids.
Most parents want an A student, so in order to placate the parent, the schools have lowered the standards so that yesterdays C student is todays A student. Back in the late '70's, my daughter had to work her butt off to maintain a C average. Today's C is yesterdays F.
Your girl may feel jealous and resentful (without even knowing it) towards having to share your attention with the new baby. She could be ready for more stimulating and perhaps more challanging work. A bored kid acts detached, uninterested, day dreams, doesn't turn their homework in, plus more. There could be so many reasons. She needs your understanding and support to turn this around. She also needs to know that you and dad are not going to tolerate unfinished work or study without some consequences.
Let her know what a good kid she is, how much you love her and that you want to help her through a tough time. Talk to her without getting upset (we all know that that's not easy). Do some structuring with her. Make a weekly check list of what she must do and check it off together. Help her remember..we all forget things that we need to do. Make arrangements with her teachers to have e-mail conversations on a regular basis and let your daughter know that you are, and doing it not to spy or check up on her, but so that everyone is on the same page. This way, you will know right away if she is slacking off, skipping school, etc.
I think your Sylvan idea is very wise. Get an outside opinion of her capabilities....maybe two opinions. See if they agree and what they have to offer.
Good luck sweety.
Edited to read: I just read Ree's post. Great idea about the tutor! You might have to put up a fight for your daughter but oh what a wonderful relationship can be built on this.........harder years are yet to come.
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| « Last Edit: Feb 2nd, 2008, 5:23pm by DonnaH_again » |
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E-Double
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #12 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 7:58pm » |
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A good tutor can make a world of difference for many kids.
It tends to be pricey though.
A good foundation for organization should be taught so that she cn learn to manage.
Do the best that you can.
Work as a team and and she'll be fine.
Don't stress since ya still hae some cookin' to do 
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Redd
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #13 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 8:17pm » |
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Mel,
My advise is to do what you think is best for Lily, and all other opinions can be damned.
YOU are her Mother. YOU know what is within your ability to do, and only YOU know when to turn it over to someone else.
Sylvan is a very good resource, they are acredited, and don't you DARE feel bad for seeking help for your child. You are a FANTASTIC Mom. You reach out for assistance when you need it for the good of your child. Don't let anyone or yourself fault you for that. This is what GOOD parents do.
I love you even more for knowing Lily needs some help and YOU are finding for her.
Chin up lady... you are doing the right thing.
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nani
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #14 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 8:34pm » |
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I feel so overwhelmed and self-doubting when faced with stuff like this, Mel. And I've been mothering for what feels like 100 years, LOL. (it has been 34, sigh)
Bright kids who under-achieve or get overwhelmed themselves... I've got a few of those.
Kudos to you for trying to get her the help she may need. You are a wonderful Mom, no ifs ands or buts about it.
The only thing I might add is for you to get her involved in this process. If she's part of the process, she'll own her part in it more.
Don't stress... she's a good girl, you're a good Mom and this too shall pass.
hugs to both of you, nani
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Jonny
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #15 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 8:37pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2008, 8:17pm, Redd wrote:| and all other opinions can be damned. |
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Ok folks, nothing to see here, your opinion dont matter....move along! 
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Melissa
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #16 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 8:49pm » |
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I don't know why I started this thread. I guess I was just letting ya'll know what I intended to do with my daughters predicament since I posted last year about her. I was sorta meaning it to be an update of some sort?  I dunno. Guess cause you all are my family, it's like a current event thing.
Anyway, the opinions are just that and I do appreciate the posts, no matter what they say. I'm reading them. I also appreciate the support and concern. I feel like you guys care about me and my family, and that is nice.
So, thanks!!
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john_d
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #17 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 8:49pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2008, 4:05pm, Melissa wrote:After receiving her 2nd Quarter report card today, I can see clearly now that she needs outside help.
7th grade for her is getting hard, the 1st quarter was pretty much good, but she's struggling now. 3 F's this time and a whole bunch of "must complete homework, often not on task, missing assignments, incomplete work and capable of better work" on her report card is like waving a big, huge, red alert sign at me.
Monday before her karate class, we are going to stop at the local Sylvan center to talk to someone about what is involved and pricing for their "Study Skills" program. I read it over online and see that it would match up with what she's having problems with.
Now mind you, I just spoke with Jesse and he wants to instill the fear of God in her and tell her to get her head out of her ass, but I told him, all that's going to do for her is make her cry and feel even worse than she already does about her grades. She is a sweet, sensitive girl, who does not do this on purpose! She tries, she really does, but she needs more and it has to be outside help because I don't know how to help her.
I think this will be the right thing to do!
Heaven help me.
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Sounds like a good plan Melissa. The right skills can make all the difference.
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cash5542
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Re: What I'm going to do with Lily...
« Reply #18 on: Feb 2nd, 2008, 9:22pm » |
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Lots of good suggestions given. I find often major changes in the home changes my students. The new baby may be adding to the distraction. Once the baby comes it will be even more so. Allowing a tutor to help out will give you one less worry. My only extra advice is if you find Sylvan is too expensive, check with the school and see if they have a list of tutors. My Dad tutors for Sylvan as well as the Board of Education. Several of our retired teachers also tutor for our county. They aren't as expensive. Good luck. You are doing great!
Charlotte
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