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Topic: Somebody...... (Read 593 times) |
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thebbz
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Ow,Ow,Ow
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Somebody......
« on: Feb 1st, 2008, 1:37pm » |
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make me laugh. Please
It ain't easy bein me. 
thebb
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It wasn't me I didn't do it
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Cathi_Pierce
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #1 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 1:42pm » |
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AWW, John!
OKOK.......lemme think here....................let's see..........
offcolor jokes..........
pratfalls..........
I KNOW!
Grab yourself a psychedelic frog. lick some part of it.........
OH, I know!
Pop onto the Cal OUCH site and take a look at Joe........ulp..............in all his glory!
That's just wrong, on soo many levels,
BUT FUNNY!
PF wishes taking a ride on snowflakes to Montany for you...........
Cathi  (it's a platonic kiss, Joan!)
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #2 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 1:43pm » |
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I'm a nobody, so that may discount me, but I'll try anyway.
John....go to work. Kiss Joan and get in yer truck and get something accomplished. You'll feel better. When ya find one of those Sapphires, sendf it to me to assay for ya. 
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Jimi
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #3 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 1:56pm » |
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Ok, I'll try.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us
that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough
motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the
largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his
head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2
was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than
two.."
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I
gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a
quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know,
but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and
went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so,
and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could
not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1
and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER
CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by
cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore."
>From Kingman , KS ..
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was
sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,
"That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on
earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving
the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was
spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-
headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply,
"I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi
STAY ALERT!
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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Guiseppi
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #4 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 2:05pm » |
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Okay I'm a natural born grump and I had the giggles halfway thru that!!!! Thinking of you Bzzzzzzz
Guiseppi
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Why are all sensors, seeking intelligent life, pointed AWAY from earth?
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Woobie
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #6 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 2:19pm » |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24Ryj1ywoqw
This is 45 minutes long - but funny as hell... especially the end.
should keep you laughing for a while.
feel better
woobs
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Rosybabe
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #7 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 2:22pm » |
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 Believing is just the beginning!
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thebbz
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #8 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 2:24pm » |
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That's got a grin growing. I want more.....alway's more.
thebb
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It wasn't me I didn't do it
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karma
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #9 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 2:45pm » |
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GIANTS WIN
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pattik
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #10 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 2:48pm » |
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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midwestbeth
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #11 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 3:44pm » |
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Reading Jimi's Idiot post reminded me of this true story.
Couple years ago my husband, John, was on his way home from work and saw a sign at DQ saying that ice cream sandwiches were on sale. He goes to the drive thru and asks for 1/2 dozen ice cream sandwiches. The response? "I'm sorry sir, they only come in boxes of 6."
He said "Let me guess, you're 18 and blond." "OK, I'll take a box of 6."
She was 18, blond, and this is our future folks 
Note: no offense intended to blonds out there. Post redhead joke if you like 
Beth
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Do more than exist - live
Do more than touch - feel
Do more than look - observe
Do more than read - absorb
Do more than hear - listen
Do more than listen - understand
~ John Rhodes
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JDH
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #12 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 3:47pm » |
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on Feb 1st, 2008, 3:44pm, midwestbeth wrote:folks
Note: no offense intended to blonds out there. Post redhead joke if you like
Beth
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You asked for it:
What’s the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?
… you can negotiate with a terrorist.
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9-11-01, to remember is to honor.
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
ECH established 1985
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midwestbeth
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #13 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 3:50pm » |
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on Feb 1st, 2008, 3:47pm, JDH wrote:
You asked for it:
What’s the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?
… you can negotiate with a terrorist.
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LMAO
Beth
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Do more than exist - live
Do more than touch - feel
Do more than look - observe
Do more than read - absorb
Do more than hear - listen
Do more than listen - understand
~ John Rhodes
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deltadarlin
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #14 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 5:46pm » |
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Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Green .'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ' Yellow ', this is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.
I laugh at you!
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If it weren't for the gutter, y mind would be homeless.
http://photobucket.com/albums/v123/tribander_3/
You pretend to pay me, I pretend to work.
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Jackie
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Go For It!!!
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #15 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 6:00pm » |
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cash5542
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #17 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 6:37pm » |
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 Tony!!!!
About the same time I looked at that post, Erik said, "Get yourself a bun and get dinner "(we're having hamburgers) It made your post even better!
Charlotte
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| « Last Edit: Feb 1st, 2008, 6:37pm by cash5542 » |
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caoimhin
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The dude abides
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Re: Somebody......TRUE STORY UNLESS MY MATES FULL
« Reply #18 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 6:51pm » |
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A true story, unless my mate was havin me on.
A migdet got onto a packed bus and a young girl at the front of the bus got up and kindly offered him her seat. He shouted furiously, ' i might be a fckin midget but im not a handicap i can fckin stand like everyone else'. The girl shocked and embarrassed sat back down, the bus fell completly silent... until a woman at the back started to make her way of the bus... just as she passed the midget she turned and said ' I hope snow white kicks the shit out of ya when you get home coz your a grumpy wee shit'. the bus erupted with laughter
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The dude abides
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cash5542
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #19 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 7:04pm » |
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An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Nancy asked if there was anything wrong, "Yes, Nurse Nancy," said Mr. Wallace,
"My Private Part died today, and I am very sad. "
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she
replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace, please accept my
condolences."
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
Private Part hanging out his pajamas.
He met Nurse Nancy. " Mr.Wallace, "she said, "You shouldn't be walking
down the hall like that . Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas. "
"But, Nurse Nancy," replied Mr. Wallace, "I told you yesterday that my
Private Part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your
pajamas? "
Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing.
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Jonny
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #20 on: Feb 1st, 2008, 8:14pm » |
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on Feb 1st, 2008, 2:45pm, karma wrote:
LMMFAO!!!....Not that there is funny! 
Now smile, BBZ....you prick!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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thebbz
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Ow,Ow,Ow
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #21 on: Feb 3rd, 2008, 3:56pm » |
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much better now.
clusterheads rock
thebb
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Charlie
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Re: Somebody......
« Reply #22 on: Feb 3rd, 2008, 5:49pm » |
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Glad you're better so get ready for the game: 
Charlie 
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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