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Topic: Need a Monday Laugh? (Read 303 times) |
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
 
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Need a Monday Laugh?
« on: Jan 7th, 2008, 11:57am » |
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I have seen a few of these before by themselves, but this definatly made me laugh, cause I could just picture myself saying some of these things.
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak. The last
one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing
with men's balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would
be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams
of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month- old daughter, she was clean.
Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'.
I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
have any clothes with me.'
Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his
cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard!
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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andrewjb
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when the love of power becomes the power of love !
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Re: Need a Monday Laugh?
« Reply #1 on: Jan 7th, 2008, 9:03pm » |
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 , yes, thanks. andrew.
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George_J
CH.com Alumnus
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White-Breasted Nuthatch
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Re: Need a Monday Laugh?
« Reply #2 on: Jan 7th, 2008, 9:13pm » |
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Well, thanks, Tia.
I read them out loud to Liz, and she's laughing so hard right now, she's crying.
Best,
George
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Ah! The foreigners put on such airs
Wearing the tangerine suits
And their harlequin eyes.
The pain they inspire
Draws in harmonica melodies
And the feathers of birds
Which flame up at their touch.
It all comes to light in the sheer
Debonair.
(Ellen)
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Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
   
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Re: Need a Monday Laugh?
« Reply #3 on: Jan 7th, 2008, 10:16pm » |
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Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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