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Topic: Scared... (Read 1358 times) |
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Melissa
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My step sister called the day after Christmas to tell me that on early Christmas morning my stepdad (who adopted me when I was 10) and his so called "friend", beat him up with a baseball bat and he spent 8 hours in the ER getting stitched up. Guess that's what happens when you get drunk and high going to a strip club on Christmas Eve, blowing 2K of your friends cash and then he flips out on you. 
Anyway, he just called about 15 min ago. He asked me if I knew what happened, I told him I did and that I didn't know what to say to him. Then he started to do his usual whining and bitching about how he doesn't know what to do, and that his cousin told him to stay at his cottage up north, so I told him to go, but he's whining about his dogs (like 7 freaking toy poodles), so I tell him to get rid of them, and then he starts bitching about his girlfriend who's HOUSE he's living in and that he treats like shit. I couldn't take it anymore. I hung up on him.
I haven't been scared about someone appearing on my door step wanting a place to stay for years and now I'm feeling it again.
I wish he'd just leave me alone.  He changed into someone I don't want to be connected to after my mom died. I love him, but can't have anything to do with him. That's the only way to save my sanity.
I'm sorry for unloading on you guys, but Jesse is up north fishing (other side of the state) and Lily is the only one here with me. I just needed to vent.
I'm sorry. 
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Jonny
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 6:46pm » |
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Lock the doors and load the shotgun!
DO IT!!!!
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Redd
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #2 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 6:46pm » |
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I'm glad you came here to vent Mel.
Do you want some advise, or just a sounding board? We can help with either one I'm sure. 
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #3 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 6:47pm » |
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Mel can I call you now?
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Melissa
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #4 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 7:00pm » |
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It's ok, I'm just venting. I know he's not going to hurt me, just don't need him coming up here and begging for a place to stay. Can't deal with that nor should I have to. I know he loves me dearly and would never harm me, but it's that impending dread of knowing when people get to the end of their ropes, they'll start to grasp at straws, know what I mean?
He's on a downward spiral. It's not funny, but I am completely prepared for that phone call that says he is dead.
I'm sorry for not explaining my fear better, it's not for my life, but for the sanctity and calmness of my home.
LYG, gotta take Lily to karate, be back in a couple hours.
mel
Oh and Linda, thanks for the call. I love you.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 3rd, 2008, 7:00pm by Melissa » |
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chewy
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Quote:
If he hasn't called back then I'd say he got the message.
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Groov
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #6 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 7:13pm » |
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Tell em nicely to go away
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| « Last Edit: Jan 3rd, 2008, 7:16pm by Groov » |
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Melissa
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #7 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 10:28pm » |
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Back from karate. Wouldn't you know it, just before I left, he called back. Said that in all the years he's been my dad, he's never f'ing hung up on me before. Then he started to go into a rant so I yelled that I can't handle this and all he said in a stern voice was "goodbye" and then hung up.
Cripes, what a freaking year this has been so far!!!! *sigh*
Ya know, I love him, but I can't help him nor can I handle his problems on top of mine when I'm 8 weeks from my due date with an anxiety disorder and no medication. I'm tired of him making me feel guilty. I'm not the one who moved 2 hours south and basically abandoned my so called "daughter" after his wife (my mom) died. I didn't put myself in this situation where I blew my wifes insurance policy on a 64" big screen tv, a $500 cell phone and used my inheritance (from parents that are not dead yet) to get my teeth capped (WTF?). I'm not the one who only calls his "daughter" once every 4 months and 95% of the time it's to whine and piss and moan about my problems.
And yet I feel guilty for hanging up on a guy who got beat with a baseball bat a week ago.
What the hell is wrong with me??? 
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E-Double
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #8 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 10:38pm » |
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Sean_C
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on Jan 3rd, 2008, 10:28pm, Melissa wrote:| What the hell is wrong with me??? |
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Nothing. Its not you, don't lose sleep over it, don't worry either, thats what he wants you to do.
Huge hugs comin your way
Sean...................................
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #10 on: Jan 3rd, 2008, 10:53pm » |
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Melissa.
There are some people who prey on other peoples sympathy and know EXACTLY which buttons to push for and end to THEIR means.
Do not play into a "sickness" that you are not responsible for, nor can change in any way.
Send him some bandages for his stupid stiches, and telll him to call you when he is clean, sober, responsible and trustworthy again.
Linda
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zwibbs/Scott
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #11 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 6:19am » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2008, 10:53pm, Linda_Howell wrote:
Melissa.
There are some people who prey on other peoples sympathy and know EXACTLY which buttons to push for and end to THEIR means.
Do not play into a "sickness" that you are not responsible for, nor can change in any way.
Send him some bandages for his stupid stiches, and telll him to call you when he is clean, sober, responsible and trustworthy again.
Linda |
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Well said Linda !!!
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andrewjb
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #12 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 6:32am » |
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, melissa your not in a possion to help him, unless he starts to help himself, nor should you feel guilty or respond to his empty minded selfishness. stay strong and dignified, with tuff love he'll find his road. andrew.
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kcopelin
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good grief
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #13 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 6:48am » |
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Mel,
I'm really glad Lily is taking karate. 
There are more kinds of abuse than physical, and you do not deserve or need this right now (or ever for that matter).
Don't buy into it my friend.
Keep your serenity.
You want I should call him for you?  I do a pretty good combination of Dr. Ruth and Dr. House...enough to make anyone swear off drink, drugs and the telephone for at least a month. 
Love ya,
kathy
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barry_sword
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #14 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 7:28am » |
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Everything ok Mel? Did he try to contact you anymore since last night? Just concerned about you.
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Ghost
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #16 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 8:29am » |
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Stay strong with your convictions ok.
dont let anyone guilt you into anything.
Mike
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Melissa
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #17 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 8:44am » |
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Thanks everyone for your support. And no Barry, he didn't call again after the last time. I feel like this is the 2nd time I'm going through a separation from him, basically the hurt I feel cutting him off from my life. I was thinking about the past 7 years and how he hasn't been any sort of a dad to me. I can't believe that a dad would call his pregnant daughter, whom he hadn't talked to in the usual 4 months, and not even ask me how the baby is, or how the grandkids are. 
It just baffles me.
Anyway, my mom must have known that me marrying Jesse was the best thing that could have EVER happened in my life. I believe it is, in part, why she gave up her fight with breast cancer. She knew dad wouldn't be there to take care of her if she went through with chemo, so she just let go. She knew I'd be alright and taken care of. Jesse is a super dad. In fact, he is the best dad I know of in this world right now.
God I love him so much!!
It's all good, I'll get through this, just in a very sensitive and emotional state right now. Pregnancy has a lot to do with it I'm sure.
You all are fantastic and I am SO PROUD to call you all my friends!!! 
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| « Last Edit: Jan 4th, 2008, 8:49am by Melissa » |
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phil_h
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #18 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 9:15am » |
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Melissa , Stand your ground . I ran away when I was 15 . My parents said I moved . Anyway it seemed to me while they were alive , I had to keep reminding them that I ran away for a reason . Every holiday or special time ( having Babys ) , these guys kept showing up ; or even worse ,threatening to arrive .... I posted the clip from" as good as it gets" . Reminds me of my family. Stay well and stay safe ..................... phil h "The Manson Family Holiday Show" the only holiday special I relate to.............
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| « Last Edit: Jan 4th, 2008, 9:17am by phil_h » |
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lionsound
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #19 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 9:26am » |
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aprilbee
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #20 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 10:50am » |
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I'm the daughter of an alcoholic mom and brother, my brother has cleaned up his act, and my mom shut me out of her life until recently....
its not giving into them that is the hardest part, be there for yourself and not your dad, its part of being the child of an alocoholic or drug addict and then being the adult that grows out of that childhood....it will make your life a lot easier, but your heart will ache the entire time....I know some people call it tough love, but who is it tough on? It certainly wasn't my mom, she just complained about how horrible I was being and it hurt me to the core....
there are so many books on this disease (co-dependency and children of alcoholics) I would recommend reading them, finding a sponsor, and going through the steps...it made me a stronger person and it will make you one too
I have been through this and I'm here if you ever need me....
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HappyElaine
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #21 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 11:37am » |
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Oh Mel, I hope he doesn't show up. You know Mel, family is important but...there is a limit . I learned to Let Go of a lot of things. I was giving and giving and my kids and my Mother were all taking. Not Deveny, just my other three. We were giving so much we couldn't buy food for us. It was making us all unhappy here.
I stopped giving to people who will not help them selfs. Enough is enough. When I stopped giving guess what? My son got a job and his own place. I am so proud of him. My Mother she also has found a small job, sitting with the elderly. When I cut them off they found away ! It was hard on my heart to cut them off. I even went as far has having my phone number changed. They were mad at me. One still is mad.
I help them now because they are trying. but I don't have to help as much. They feel better cause they don't have to ask. I feel better. I feel I did the right thing.
Some times Mel the best thing you can do for them and you is Let Go.
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Charlie
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #22 on: Jan 4th, 2008, 9:36pm » |
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So sorry you are having to deal with this now. If worse comes to worst, you'll have to explain to him that it's bad for you and your baby in every way imaginable and that he has to leave you to your own devices. His prescence ain't needed.
Hope things even out soon kid.
Charlie
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DennisM1045
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #23 on: Jan 5th, 2008, 7:45am » |
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on Jan 4th, 2008, 8:44am, Melissa wrote:| I can't believe that a dad would call his pregnant daughter, whom he hadn't talked to in the usual 4 months, and not even ask me how the baby is, or how the grandkids are. |
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This tells you everything you need to know about where his priorities are.
Quote:| Anyway, my mom must have known that me marrying Jesse was the best thing that could have EVER happened in my life. I believe it is, in part, why she gave up her fight with breast cancer. She knew dad wouldn't be there to take care of her if she went through with chemo, so she just let go. |
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That is so sad.
Quote:She knew I'd be alright and taken care of. Jesse is a super dad. In fact, he is the best dad I know of in this world right now.
God I love him so much!! |
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And you two shouldn't look back a minute. Enjoy the life you are building for yourselves. Let him work out his own demons. If he ever does then you'll know; he'll ask about his grandkids before whining about himself.
-Dennis-
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Melissa
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Re: Scared...
« Reply #24 on: Jan 5th, 2008, 9:14am » |
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Dennis- you know there once was a time when he seemed to care. I even remember glimpses here and there of looking at him as though he was finally being a dad I could relate to and be sorta proud to have. But that was years ago...
I think in my mind for a long time, I held onto this imaginary dad figure I thought maybe he'd turn into. But it always seems to backfire.
I feel really bad for cutting my life off from him. I have always given him the chance to make it better. He has done it before, but he goes back to his crazy ways again and keeps letting me down.
This sucks.
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DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTTIN - NOTTIN IS ALRIGHT
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