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Topic: Pearls of Wisdom (Read 546 times) |
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Redd
CH.com Alumnus
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Pearls of Wisdom
« on: Oct 25th, 2007, 6:42pm » |
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1. There are two sides to every divorce...Yours and meathead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,"Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. A sign In a Japanese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea'.
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect!
16. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer
Brains'.
18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke
and not feeling well?
20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words... "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
26. Sex isn't everything, it's just way ahead of whatever's in second place.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Shedz
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH UK MEMBER
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Re: Pearls of Wisdom
« Reply #1 on: Oct 25th, 2007, 6:44pm » |
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I push my fingers into my eyes, It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache, But it's made of all the things I have to take, Jesus it never ends it just works its way inside, If the pain goes on, I AM gonna make it.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xps7AM8HbjE
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phil_h
New Board Old Timer
one day at a time , one headache at a time.....
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Re: Pearls of Wisdom
« Reply #2 on: Oct 26th, 2007, 7:18am » |
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Angels are among us ........beasts beware !!!!!!
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
 
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Posts: 11720
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Re: Pearls of Wisdom
« Reply #3 on: Oct 26th, 2007, 6:14pm » |
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on Oct 25th, 2007, 6:42pm, Redd wrote: 1. There are two sides to every divorce...Yours and meathead's.
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
26. Sex isn't everything, it's just way ahead of whatever's in second place.
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My favourites!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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MR_FLOOR
CH.com Alumnus
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Go Cubbies / even though they suck
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Re: Pearls of Wisdom
« Reply #4 on: Oct 26th, 2007, 9:09pm » |
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Pearls of Wisdom
« Reply #5 on: Nov 2nd, 2007, 4:03am » |
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My fave:
Quote: 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
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I actually got a mug with that text last Christmas!
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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