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Topic: A Few Yuks (Read 199 times) |
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ordinary_joe
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Posts: 34
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The Rose Tattoo
Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose tattooed on one boob.
One lady leaned over to the other and whispers, "Poor kid doesn't know it, but in about 40 years she'll be wearing a long- stemmed rose in a hanging basket."
Dental Pain
A man walks into the dentist's office with a toothache, and after the dentist examines him, he says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the dentist's arm, "No way. I hate needles. I'm not having
any shot!"
So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll go with the gas."
The man replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water. "Here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks, "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "Will that kill the pain?"
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth.
Woman's and Man's Prayer
WOMAN’S PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep
One who is handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks. When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed. When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend.
Amen.
MAN'S PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a boat.
Amen
The Little Boy and the Priest
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."
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Joe
It's tough to pull up your socks when you are down, but, it's game time.
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