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Topic: Tommy Cooper one liners (Read 228 times) |
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LeLimey
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Tommy Cooper one liners
« on: Jul 7th, 2007, 7:57am » |
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Gone - but never forgotten! This man will always be funny 
1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
6. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head . Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
7. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
8. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?"
"Don't you start."
9. Two elephants walk off a cliff... boom, boom!
10. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
11. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
12. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
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sandie99
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Re: Tommy Cooper one liners
« Reply #1 on: Jul 7th, 2007, 9:24am » |
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Rosybabe
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Re: Tommy Cooper one liners
« Reply #2 on: Jul 7th, 2007, 9:44pm » |
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