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Topic: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly (Read 341 times) |
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If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
« on: Dec 15th, 2006, 2:32pm » |
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>If Santa actually answered his mail honestly.... Dear Santa I wud like
>a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
> yer Frend,
> BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
> How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and
>write?
> I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
>spell!
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> peace and joy in the world for everybody!
> Love,
> Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
> mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
> Love
> Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> frigid mom,who rides his ass constantly?
> It's time to give up that dream.
> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
> Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> Love,
> Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay,I'll set you
> up with a Barbie.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
> your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love,
> Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
> riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
> Leave me a bottle of scotch.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
> toys?
> Your friend,
> Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,where I spend
> most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
> myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
> losing money at the craps table.
> Hey, you wanted to know.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> awake, like in the song?
> Love,
> Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
> I'm skipping your house.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
> PLEASE could I have one?
> Timmy
>
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
>
> Mark,
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
> ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in
> a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
> the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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E-Double
CH.com Alumnus
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Are we ourselves?
 
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Re: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
« Reply #1 on: Dec 31st, 2006, 10:38am » |
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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TonyG1
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Re: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
« Reply #2 on: Dec 31st, 2006, 8:41pm » |
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These are great !! I really enjoyed the one about the boogeyman !!
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
« Reply #3 on: Jan 13th, 2007, 6:41am » |
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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