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Topic: A couple to keep you laughing (Read 251 times) |
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Barry_T_Coles
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A couple to keep you laughing
« on: Jul 16th, 2006, 11:22pm » |
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A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair- giving that you are blind- that you should know five things; 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 180- pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
The entire congregation came out to hear the preachers first sermon. It lasted for a mere eight minutes. The next Sunday, the preacher's sermon was forty-five minutes. His third sermon was two and a half hours in duration. The pulpit committee called the preacher in and asked, "What's happening here?" The preacher replied, "Well, on the first Sunday all my teeth had just been pulled. My mouth was sore , so my sermon was short. The next week, I had my new dentures and I was feeling fine." The committee leader said, "But your third sermon was two and a half hours long!" "Oh, yes," The preacher responded. "The third week, I picked up my wife's dentures by mistake and I couldn't stop talking!"
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be? The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not that good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife ( undoubtedly blonde ), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
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Worry is like a rocking chair it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
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andrewjb
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when the love of power becomes the power of love !
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Re: A couple to keep you laughing
« Reply #1 on: Jul 17th, 2006, 6:11am » |
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 .great.keep them comming !
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: A couple to keep you laughing
« Reply #2 on: Jul 17th, 2006, 12:29pm » |
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Thanks for the laughs...
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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