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Topic: My vent (Read 292 times) |
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jadedgazer
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This isn't life threatening, just life altering
 
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Almost seven years ago I married the greatest guy. He was really sick then, you see he has MS. He was barely walking, and not long after we married he went blind. I was healthy then and we fought together to get him back to good. We made it too.
Then a couple of years later he went down again, this time it was worse. He was in a wheelchair and the blindness was more severe. But, again we fought back and worked hard, and he found his way back. We researched and found some alternative solutions that have kept him healthy for the last 3½ years and are so thankful for his health and well being. We know that it is a gift from God. This man is my hero.
We have three teenage boys. One of them is 14 and quite a handful. Since I got the 'beast' he has gotten so much harder to handle, pretty much out of control. Not that we haven't tried our best. His real father is pretty much useless and can't be counted on for help. But Mike, my hubby, has become his dad and loves him as his own and treats him accordingly. As a final desperate measure to gain control of the situation, I signed over custody, temporarily, of my son to my parents the day after Halloween. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. My mother is qualified to council him for anger management, which he desperatly needs. He has been gone nearly a month now and it is so very difficult for me. But I know I am giving him a fighting chance to turn his life around. I have done the best thing for him. He is still angry with me, but someday he will understand and forgive me.
I am having a terrible time with my CH. I started my day at 3:30 this morning with a Kip8 and have had 10 ha's the worst being a Kip9. I am exhausted and stressed and depressed. My days seem to resemble this quite often and it is so tiring. I worry about my husband and know that he did not sign up for this. I was supposed to take care of him. How will I care for him if he falls ill? What is this doing to my kids? I try to hide it from them as much as possible, but they aren't stupid. They see it. They know what is going on and it is taking it's toll on my family and the guilt is eating at me.
This has been pretty much non-stop since Sept. of 2001 and I am just tired. I think and I needed to let it all out. I apologize for dumping on all of you, but I have noone else to turn to that could possibly understand better. Thank you for listening.
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Jackie S.
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nancyc
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Friends don't let friends post drunk on mbs......
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Re: My vent
« Reply #1 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 1:45am » |
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Sent you a Private message, sis...  nancyc
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: My vent
« Reply #2 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 6:03am » |
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jadedgazer,
you're not "dumping it all on us"! We're here to listen and to help any way we can!
I wish I could do more than send a prayer, though... 
Right, your husband didn't signed up for the things you mentioned, but I don't think that you did that, either. None of us wants to have a CH hell, but for some reason we still got it. Ch has destroyed my confidence and made my uni days impossible. I've learned that one must do their best and leave the rest. It sounds stupid and naive, but for me, it has actually helped.
I am not a mother, but as a godmum to 8-year-old I still symphatize the hard choice you had to make. I pray that things turn out for the best. Life is never easy, but life with CH is even harder. I wish you stregth.
I hope I make some sense, I'm writing this with kip8... 
Wishing for better & PFdays,
sandie99
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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BarbaraD
CH.com Alumnus
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Hugs to ya
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Re: My vent
« Reply #3 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 7:49am » |
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J - you're not alone... A lot of us have had our lives and families destroyed by CH.
My husband had a stroke about the time I went chronic and a few months later my little brother told me he had cancer and only a few months to live (he lived 10 months after that). I spent two years in the house because I couldn't do anything - I was just too wiped out and couldn't think. My husband divorced me because he couldn't handle things and my son and his wife think that an aspirin would work on these HAs and that Mom should not be ill.
BUT, I've survived and am back at work and taking care of my ex-husband (he's just lucky that I'm Catholic and don't believe in divorce). My son finally gave me a grandchild and I dote on him in between headaches.
What I'm saying is - you learn to cope because there's nothing else you can do. Attitude is everything. I really hate it about your son, but if you did what you think was right - then you probably did the right thing. Having raised a teenager, I can assure you - they can get mad at you and stay that way even if you don't have CH. It's just their nature.
I've learned to "accept" what I can't change and make the best of everything else. HAs are a part of my life and either people can accept me for the way I am (with the HAs) or they can go to hell. I've quit being ashamed of having them - they are part of my life and I can't HELP it. Sometimes I get depressed and that's when I go to my room and "feel sorry for myself". Then I get my attitude back together and come out fighting.
If you haven't already, join OUCH, and get on a committee and start working toward a cure for these things. That's the only way we're going to beat this demon.
Here's wishing we're all PF soon....
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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Patrick_A
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If i could get my hands on that wascally Wabbit
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Re: My vent
« Reply #4 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 8:01am » |
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Hey J, Thats what the hell i am here for. I come here everyday to support people like you. Venting is absolutely the best way to relieve stress.
Marriage is a partnership! For better or for worse! Your husband did in fact sign up for all of that because he loves you. Quit feeling guilty. Share your pain with him, Hell, Share your pain with me.
The one thing i know for sure about CH sufferers is...We have an amazing amount of resiliency. We go down hard and we bounce back even harder!
We are here for you J, VENT away!
Love always, Patrick
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don
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Patrick is right. When your husband said "I do" He signed up for another life journey that can not be predicted.
I dont think you can hide things from kids. It only confuses them. They know. What they need is explanations and openess to validate feelings.
You can vent away without apology here. Vent away.
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J.ten_Dam
New Board Veteran
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: My vent
« Reply #6 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 8:46am » |
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Hi Jade there is not much more that I can say that the others have not allredy said. I wish you strengt.
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wish you PFDAN
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jadedgazer
New Board Veteran
This isn't life threatening, just life altering
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Posts: 146
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Re: My vent
« Reply #7 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 10:33am » |
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Thank you all so very much. I woke up this morning after getting a little rest, with things in better perspective. Hubby read my post this morning, hugged me close and called me his "little idiot". He truly loves me no matter what. What more could a girl ask for? Other than a new head of course? lol
I feel much lighter after venting....I appreciate your kind words of support. Sometimes just letting it all hang out is good medicine.
PF vibes to everyone today!
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Jackie S.
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BlueMeanie
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So glad to hear you're feeling better today. The hubby sounds like a great supporter.
PFDAN
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jonny
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Ditto to all the posts.....man!!!!
............................jonny
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Little Deb
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Please SPAY and NEUTER all dogs, cats and idiots!
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Re: My vent
« Reply #10 on: Nov 28th, 2003, 9:04pm » |
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j
everything happens for a reason, sweetie.
hang in there. ditto everything
Patrick said. we are here for you no matter what. you will be fine.
big hug,
little deb
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Adopt a shelter pet!
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