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Topic: I am starting a new life! (Read 325 times) |
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athos
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I am starting a new life!
« on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 4:47am » |
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One as a bachelor.
Can I vent... If not tell me to shut the F*&( up!
12.5 years... Maybe if I had been a drinker I would have lasted longer.
No support on discipling with her kids... I would set a punishment and then she would/wil undo it. When I got married they were 2,4,6 now 14,17,19. And We have 2.... Connor 5 Kira 9.
Not understanding the Ch's..... her favorite saying when I get my weekly bout "are you sure that you are REALLY having that bad of a headache".
Physical contact I beg for is rarely reciprocated..... ( I miss college!)
Mixed families... Too damn tough....
My idear really i guess.... only after I had said, either I am the father of the house or I am not. and I guess I am not.
I am a little down...
You know I just realized that all divorces started with marriage.... How ironic - or maybe I have an irony deficit.. not sure really right now...
Just a bit rattled... Nothing is settled for sure. Right now I would just like to get plastered and then not deal with it.
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ClusterChuck
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #1 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 4:56am » |
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Damn! My heart goes out to you! I have been in my "new life" since February. Sure sucks. All we can do is carry on. It sure is tough though.
I hate to see anyone else having to deal with this shit! If you want to talk, I will send you an email with my phone number. Let me know.
Prayers headed your way. Sometimes that is all we have to fall back on. Prayers and the support from your clusthead family.
Vent or bitch all you want. It is good to get it out. We will listen.
Chuck
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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athos
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Reality is for those who lack imagination!
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #2 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 5:15am » |
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Thanks....
Predicting martital success
Based on the average rate of communication decay over the space of several..... ..zzzzzz .....zzzzzzz
oh must have lost my train of thought... where was I?
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| « Last Edit: Nov 2nd, 2003, 5:16am by athos » |
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OneEyeBlind
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Yea, I can do this
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #3 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 5:43am » |
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Well, at least you haven't lost your sense of humor ! Just try and stay out of the depression hole, it's easy to fall in to when ya got a life change like this going on ! I'll be sending some good vibes your way. And like Chuck said, vent all you like .... you're in a tough situation and we're here for you !
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Jackie
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #4 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 6:17am » |
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Athos,
Like Nancy says....at least you haven't lost your sense of humor. That's good...  I'm sure your dobber is really down right now but ya know what....there are better days ahead. I promise!! And starting a new life isn't always so bad....I did it. After the 'shock and awe' was over it turned out to be really good too. I'm sending positive vibes your way. If ya need us we're hear to listen, cuss and discuss.....anything ya need.
Hugs
Jacks 
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #5 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 7:25am » |
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Sometimes change is a good thing. Go ahead a vent. A lot of us have had to "start a new life". I did after almost 40 years. My little "headaches" were a little trying on marriage.
But hang in there - better times are a coming.....
Hugs BD
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SommelierCH
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #6 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 7:53am » |
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Athos,
You know when it comes right down to it, only this family can understand what we go through. We can bitch slap each other, because we are all on the same level playing field (within reason, our Chronics are actually on a different level), but if an outsider would say some of the things that we say to ourselves, we swarm all over them like a herd of piranha’s.
Every life choice we make is moderated by these damn Clusters. Our life is too tough, to have a significant other who refuses to understand (Damn, I miss collage too). That’s what is so amazing about all the supporters here, I wish we could clone them so that each of us gets one, understanding partner who will help us keep our sanity and make sure that we don’t give up the fight….In essence, that is what this Message Board has done, but we get way more than one. We can’t help you with the “physical contact thing” (Editors Note: Turn your hand upside down, it feels like a different person is doing it), but you are definitely not alone!!
Use this site to take your mind off things. You are one of the people that understands, use that knowledge to share and help guide the newbies, I promise you that will help to moderate your pain and will bring light to a dark corner.
All the best, and don’t ever apologize again for venting. Fuckingeh, I whined about my bankruptcy, seems pretty small now, but at the time this family rallied around and gave me strength. We give a little, we take a little. It’s all in the balance.
David J.
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Ree
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #7 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 8:39am » |
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Sorry sorry sorry Athos... been to that place...
You need to find someone that will truly support you in every way... make you feel like someone. You are someone very special...
Change is a good thing and the best revenge is to take good care of yourself. Know we are thinking about you... I will say a prayer for you TOMORROW today is Tim W's day lol love to you Ree
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catlind
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #8 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 10:12am » |
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Athos, I too live in a mixed family. We have 3 kids, 2 from a previous marriage and a 3rd from us. For me, all three are my children. We have hit many a bumpy road when it comes to the kids. Appearances of favorites, discipline disagreements, no time for us, etc etc.
In the end, we both had to sit down and examine our motives for our behaviour. NOT an easy thing to do. I had to acknowledge my faults as much as Clark had to acknowledge his. It's not easy and it's very painful. You both have to have fully honest open communication. Sometimes brutal honesty and it hurts.
Hoping you can find the happy middle ground that you can carry forward on, whether on your own or as a family. Feel free to email me anytime. It's a hard road to travel, but it can be great if you both work very hard to make it that way.
Cat
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Jimmy_B
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #9 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 10:34am » |
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Athos,
I'm also in a marriage with with another man being the "Sperm Donor". I say "sperm donor" cause that's about all he put into as being a Father to these beautiful children.
It's hard to be the "enforcer" of rules in this situation. I generally let my wife handle this end. I normally try to give them wisdom and love that they otherwise wouldn't of had, from a male fiqure. It really works better this way.
Obviously, from your posting...there are other issues. But if this is a main one...sit down with the family & begin to understand & have everyone vent what their gripes & needs are. Then everyone will get a better understanding of how everybody feels in this situation.
You have to constantly work at marriage, but the pay out can be grand.
Jim
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Margi
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #10 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 11:10am » |
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Yep, add Mike and I to the list of blended families. My daughter is from my first marriage but Mike has been with us since she was 3. Her dad is very much a part of her life and that, in itself, hasn't always been easy. She is now 21 and living on her own, so we are "empty nesters" but there were times when it was very challenging for all 3 of us. Mike is a great dad, but I know it's been difficult for him, knowing that she wasn't his "blood" - neither one of them ever completely let their 'walls' down. They're very close now and my daughter knows she is blessed to have two dads. But there were definitely times when we all felt stretched to the limits and played each side against another. There were also times when we wanted to throw in the towel (a couple of times we did, but only temporarily) . We survived it, though, but I'm sure if you ask Mike if he would recommend entering a blended family - he'd quickly tell you 'NOOOOOOOO'. It's very tough. The teenage years were the absolute worst. MAJOR power struggles and many an angry night.
Best of luck to you, Athos - as Cat says, please feel free to write to me, too, if you need a shoulder. Walked in your shoes.
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| « Last Edit: Nov 2nd, 2003, 11:11am by Margi » |
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cathy
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #11 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 4:08pm » |
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Athos I have had many a chat with you im sorry to hear things have got so bad for you, you know where to find me if you want to chat.....don't be a stranger we'll all keep you going, praying that things will work out for you and your family!!
Cathy 
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stevegeebe
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #12 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 5:29pm » |
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Athos. Things will get better.
I swear. Sounds like you've got what it takes.
Steve G
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Roxy
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #13 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 6:11pm » |
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athos, I hope things work out for you....which ever way it goes. Just sorry you are having to go through this. Sometimes change is hard, but it is usually for the good...in the long run. Keep your sense of humor, that can get you over some rough spots.
Tracey
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Charlie
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #14 on: Nov 2nd, 2003, 8:06pm » |
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Sorry for all the crapola but in some cases the only thing worse than a diovorce is staying together.
Stick around and rant away.
Charlie
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athos
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Re: I am starting a new life!
« Reply #15 on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 12:16am » |
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I dearly appreciate your vibes, thoughts and concerns...
This roller coaster is just about to kill me off...
The amount of work that I have put in the last 2 weeks... about 180 hours.. And I am salary... My boss took on a project that was to big for what we can handle right now.... and I am picking up the pieces... If it were easy to find a job right now I would quit.
Take that and add relational dynamics to the mix.. Not enough $$$$..... And one of the worst cycles I have seen yet... this all adds up to F(^*&^ing HELL....
(next bit to be read quickly and quietly like the leagal jargan heard at the end of a finance commercial)
Quote:| Life experience limited only to life experience shared. Conclusions derived as to the mental stability of expressor should not be construed as the actual mental state. Therefore events epressed should also be viewed as conceptual and therefore mostly perceptual in nature. Outside of nature one has the forsight not condone/accept/react to/or abidie by any actual event or decission. These views are the views of the expressor not neccessarliry condoned, honoroed or sponsred in anyway to this or any sister station. |
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In some cases I look at my load full of problems and think how monumental they are. And in contemplating the grand scheme, I have a small basket not a payload.
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