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Topic: My thoughts (Read 732 times) |
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bowles96
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My thoughts
« on: Jan 17th, 2007, 1:24am » |
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You don't know fear until you're so scared to fall asleep that you remain awake for days, so ehausted you can barely stand the skin on your bones, your eyes as heavy as stones and dry as sand. Yet you stay awake, afraid of what falling asleep will bring.
Because you know laying your head down, closing your eyes and drifting to sleep may awake the beast that haunts your dreams. The beast that dances in your head. As you lay awake you pray that if he plays tonight he does not bring the ice pick or burning knives; but you know, your prayers will go unanswered because the little bastard always brings his little toys with him.
The pain, oh the pain, you ask me to describe it for you. How can I describe what I cannot comprehend, what I wish I would never have to feel again in my life but know that at any given moment without notice it will come back and I did nothing to ask for this.
Who did I piss off?
Why me?
You ask why I can't just take a pill for it.
I ask for your magic pill, I'll try anything, just make it go away.
You wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy, you say. Give me the chance, I've had my share. All my life I've danced with this devil, let someone else have a turn, I'm tired. I don't won't it anymore. I don't won't to be a part of a choosen few, I want to be free.
The minutes keep ticking away and my eyes grow heavy, I hear him, he's waiting for me. Damn it why won't he just go away. Why won't he just leave me alone? Please not tonight, please, I can't, just go away.
No he says, he must go on, he won't leave me alone,
HE DEMANDS MY ATTENTION!
He's getting stronger; he's feeding on my weakness, the bastard I can't stand him. I'm a 35 year old man, six foot tall, and 270 pounds transformed to a whimpering baby after he's through.
You ask for me to explain then look at me that way, no it's not a headache and no it didn't happen to you once. Just a headache you say, just a simple headache, have you tried this? My friend had that once, maybe you should see a new doctor, what did you do to bring it on this time?
Like this is my fault
Maybe you should just leave me alone.
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AussieBrian
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Got beer?
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #1 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 1:31am » |
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And only another CHead could ever hope to understand.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #2 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 5:51am » |
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on Jan 17th, 2007, 1:31am, AussieBrian wrote:| And only another CHead could ever hope to understand. |
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Ditto
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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Guiseppi
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #3 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 1:46pm » |
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Yeah....what the Aussie said........ouch.
Guiseppi
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Why are all sensors, seeking intelligent life, pointed AWAY from earth?
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Mattrf
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #4 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 4:11pm » |
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I feel you, and very well put, it sums up all the frustration and pain, all at once.
I feel for you and for all of us that do the dance with the beast.
Hang tough my friend, hang tough.
Matt
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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Chrisjg23
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #5 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 4:45pm » |
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My favorite is when someone states,
"oh, I get those too." or
"yes, my mother has those" or
"it's just a headache, take some advil" or
"take a few shots of tequila!" LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE IT BETTER!
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Barry_T_Coles
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #6 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 5:08pm » |
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Yep
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Worry is like a rocking chair it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
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TonyG1
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What Brian said... only we chosen few could understand! -- Very well said ! Sums up all the s&%t that goes along with this cursed beast ... 
All we can do is pull ourselves and each other up by the bootstraps and continue to fight the good fight !
Wishin you all PFDANs!
Tony
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Ob1kanobee
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #8 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 10:07pm » |
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You wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy, you say. Give me the chance, I've had my share.
I said this just the other day to myself, then I said the hell with that, everyone needs to feel this for a week. Maybe then they might understand!
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miker6565
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #9 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 10:16pm » |
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Verry well put........
One, knows not the pain, till they've felt it.....
Till they, feel the damage it does to my family,,,
Scars so deep.......
Hang tough you are not alone.......
Peace always , Mike
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"If at first you don't succeed,,Get out the hammer,,If the hammer don't work,,Go back to bed....."Have you hugged your kids lately?" Peace always, Mike
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andrewjb
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #10 on: Jan 17th, 2007, 10:19pm » |
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 . ditto the aussie. chin up, hope it changes back soon. andrew.
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UN solved
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Wow ! Only a real clusterhead could've written that.
I feel your pain. You're not alone.
PF Wishes,
UNsolved
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thebbz
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Ow,Ow,Ow
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #12 on: Jan 18th, 2007, 8:38pm » |
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Yep..one step ahead of the demon.
Hang tough
jb
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It wasn't me I didn't do it
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sailpappy
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #13 on: Jan 19th, 2007, 3:27am » |
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Nice post, however, I think if you read the Guestbook your going to find its not too original, reads like many,many post from there. I think most of us feel as if we could have written the same post, Personally I know I have many times before.
It's the very reason I am here now at 3:30am. 4 hits since 11:30pm and I am afraid to try for more sleep!
Pappy
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| « Last Edit: Jan 19th, 2007, 3:28am by sailpappy » |
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #14 on: Jan 19th, 2007, 4:41am » |
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Hey Pappy, I'm up too -- want a cup of coffee...
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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sailpappy
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #15 on: Jan 19th, 2007, 5:33am » |
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 Sent you a PM Sweety! Pappy 
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HappyElaine
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #16 on: Jan 19th, 2007, 8:29am » |
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WOW Thats a Great post ! Sorry anyone of us has to hurt so bad.
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Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours.
Member of ch.com and OUCH since 1999
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kcopelin
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good grief
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #17 on: Jan 19th, 2007, 9:25am » |
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Thanks-an eloquent post=was thinking the other day-used to say I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Now I've a mind to wish that at least some of my family and medical care providers could feel the pain just once.
Not for a long time, not every day, just one short hit. Might change some of the condescending attitudes and really stupid unsolicited advice.
PFDAN y'all
kathy
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Words count, chose carefully.
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TonyG1
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on Jan 19th, 2007, 9:25am, kcopelin wrote:Now I've a mind to wish that at least some of my family and medical care providers could feel the pain just once. Not for a long time, not every day, just one short hit.
kathy |
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Maybe if they had just one, two hour long Kip - 8 bordering a 9... followed by day long shadows ....  (You know the ones that are almost impossible to abort) I think many attitudes would change in a quick hurry !!!
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bowles96
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Re: My thoughts
« Reply #19 on: Jan 19th, 2007, 10:51pm » |
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Thanks for the understanding, I was having a rough time when I posted my thoughts, I guess I'm tired of the stares and the explaining and wanted to vent some how. Its been a rough go the last few weeks, diesel fuel is my biggest trigger and I work at a civic center and our last 2 events have been dirt events with a rodeo and monster trucks so alot of dump trucks and bulldozers etc. To be honest I didn't know alot about the pain in my head before finding this site a few months back, I just know it hurts and I've always had it and the older I got the more frequent they came. My doc, I love him to death, has been learning with me so it's been alot of trial and error. I use to think I could handle this and work through it, and for the most part I have, I still somehow put in my 50 to 60 hours a week when needed but I be damned when I'm late for fighting the beast for most of the night. You really come to know who cares and who your friends are when you battling for a couple of weeks straight. Anyway to keep from rambling, I just wanted to say Thank You, to everyone that's posted, everyone thats taught me a few things.
P.B.
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ghostwriter
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Post deleted by poster.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 21st, 2007, 6:13pm by ghostwriter » |
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