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Topic: why me ? (Read 377 times) |
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agonymum
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do you go through a 'why me ' pattern of thought ?
i seem to have a pattern of this depending on the level of pain.
i can start off with a strength about me and some dignity thinking to myself be strong , you can do this , dont be scared etc.. then ...
its like i get more and more broken down and it totally wears away all my personal armour.
my thought pattern changes completely..
then i start with the why me ? please god no , i cant take this thoughts and then the thoughts of suicide regulary cross my mind until its over.
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George_J
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #1 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 1:33am » |
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Click on "the kip scale" on the left side of your screen.
It's a pretty common thing. Happens to almost all of us during higher-level hits.
Just remember, you're not alone with this anymore. You're among family. Read, interact, and ask all the questions you'd like. There are many here who are much more knowledgeable about this than I am, and I'm sure they'll be responding to you soon.
Best regards and hopes for pain-free time ahead,
George
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Ah! The foreigners put on such airs
Wearing the tangerine suits
And their harlequin eyes.
The pain they inspire
Draws in harmonica melodies
And the feathers of birds
Which flame up at their touch.
It all comes to light in the sheer
Debonair.
(Ellen)
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BB
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #2 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 1:47am » |
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Hang in there , dont ever ever give up nor give in.
It will end, it will stop and it will not kill nor damage us physically.
My DH has been rather down and suicidal this week also. But then we come to this forum and post and read everything and realise that we are not the only one.
You are not alone either. There are many many great people here afflicted by this condition also. Somehow we all survive and life goes on. After the storm the sun always comes out. Its the law of nature itself and so of this CH .
The question " why me " maybe answered by "its because we are strong and we care and we know how to fight, how to live and how to love ".
Sending hugs and good vibes and painfree wishes to you.
Better days are just around the corner, hang tough, my dear.
Annette
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Jonny
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Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #3 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 2:05am » |
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on Aug 27th, 2006, 1:19am, agonymum wrote:
then i start with the why me ? please god no , i cant take this thoughts and then the thoughts of suicide regulary cross my mind until its over. |
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We all think of crazy shit while in pain, but when "Its over" we think clearly......it always ends!!!!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Bob_Johnson
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #4 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 6:48am » |
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When we read someone writing about their dread of CH or the anxiety of waiting for the next attack, we are seeing the emotional effects of CH. These reactions are not fixed even by good medical treatment of the Clusters.
This is the first few paragraphs from a longer article: You can find the entire piece on the OUCH site or I'll e-mail it to you if you will leave your address (using the instant message button.) (The whole thing is too large to be posted here.) The approach outlined to reduce suffering is developed from cognitive therapy, a well researched therapy used by mental health types. But don't ask for it unless you accept that it takes practice and commitment to make it work! There is no Imitrex injection for this problem.
------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------
AT THE HEART OF THESE PARAGRAPHS is the recognition that pain and suffering are rather different experiences which can and must be changed by rather different responses. The pain of our CH is the subject of many of the messages we exchange, the topic fills the medical literature we read, and is the primary purpose for the multiple visits to doctors.
Suffering is quite a different animal. It is an emotional/psychological condition which is often experienced even when there is no pain; it is commonly experienced as fear, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, dread, and fearful anticipation.
Suffering is a normal, even automatic, response to pain, loss (as in death, divorce, or other major losses), and a host of other difficult experiences. However, suffering can be intensified, sustained, and even created quite independently of any of these experiences. In the case of our CH, suffering is too often experienced when we are not having attacks.
The hard paradox is: WE CAN SUFFER EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT IN PAIN! This is the paradox which we need to resolve if CH is not to be the controlling experience in life.
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Bob Johnson
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kevinpix
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treat others with respect
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #5 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 8:08am » |
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I think we go though this because we can handle it! I don't like it, but that was the hand I was delt. Sometimes you feel like folding, but that is when you put on your game face and beat the beast in his own game! Never give up the fight! We will beat the beast together! There's power in numbers! Have a good and painfree day!
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Charlotte
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #6 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 10:19am » |
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I think your last post was 7 or so months ago. Have you had pf time or suffering in silence.
It is nice to meet you. I am sorry about the despair. Hang in there. Just get through it. It stops you in your tracks.
I may be bizarre, but your words and the flow are like poetry and rgasperson has an idea of a clusterhead book for creative illustration of the pain. Your post would be a good illustration in poetry style. Look him up. It will also help have something good & joyful on your mind during the bad time, here.
Charlotte
ps BobJohnson, who posted above, has excellent advice concerning pain vs suffering, which has helped me a lot.
p.p.s.s. I see your 8-26 ost about so easy to forget. I didn't recognize your name at first but that does answer my inquiry.
If the red bull doesn't work at first, try it again. It worked for me the 3rd try, trying it once a day. I now use it twice a day, in addition to the med plan.
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| « Last Edit: Aug 27th, 2006, 10:28am by Charlotte » |
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Jobette
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This too shall pass! If you don't passout first!
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #7 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 12:40pm » |
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 How many times have I prayed for death during these attacks, only to have to be thankful to God an hour later because He did not take me.
When a person is suffering, and anyone who has clusters is sufering, I think that they fall into depression and that is where these kinds of thoughts come from. Pain in itself is a reason for depression.
I often hear people (women) compare these headaches to childbearing, and to me it does not begin to compare. One thing is that you can only give birth once a day excluding twins, but you get my drift.
What helps me to deal with my condition is knowing that it will end and that it will hopefully last for only an hour at a time. I can deal with the little ones (kip 0 -7) it is the big boys that make you want to pull a gun on yourself 
My Dad used to tell me that I could give out but don't give up,  so I'm telling you, DON'T GIVE UP! Just be thankful for the good days. 
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| « Last Edit: Aug 27th, 2006, 12:53pm by Jobette » |
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Who gave cupid those flaming arrows, and why is he shooting them into my right eye?
Where is his love?
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starlight
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #8 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 1:12pm » |
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Agonymum--
Hang in there--it's normal to feel that way when you are having these painful headaches. It's not you--it's the headaches messing with you. We are here for you, Star
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maureenv
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #9 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 4:13pm » |
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Agonymum
Hello and glad you are back where you can get the greatest comfort and understanding.
Sometimes I wonder if the emotional side of CH is just as bad as the hits or worse. Thats when I am not in the middle of a hit that is. I don't think there is a ch er out here how hasn't felt that awful side of ch. Please hang in there and find strength in all the ppl here who are all to happy to help you in any way they can.
strength and patience to you
Maureen
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Jobette
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This too shall pass! If you don't passout first!
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Re: why me ?
« Reply #10 on: Aug 27th, 2006, 4:30pm » |
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When I found this place I was more happy than when I found a dr who diagnosed me with this condition. I have found more help and peace because finally someone REALLY knows what I am talking about when I say my head is killing me.
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Who gave cupid those flaming arrows, and why is he shooting them into my right eye?
Where is his love?
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