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Topic: Cycle change (Read 223 times) |
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I Cant Dance
CH.com Alumnus
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Kicking "Fat Bastard" to the curb!
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Cycle change
« on: May 7th, 2006, 11:24pm » |
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Sometimes any change can be a good change, but it can also be a let down...I mean ... I get my hopes up that change means the cycle is nearing end...false hope so far. It is uncanny how my hits seem to be so consistent as far as time of day (within 30min each day) and intensity. Almost too perfect to be real.
The thing about consistency of hits is that it is mimics torture technique. Think about water tortue...the drip hitting in the same spot on the same time interval without end. The consistency drives one nuts...much like my hits. Is it better to be anticipatory or blindsided? I can see the advantage to both, if there is an advantage...lol; more like the torture of both. I guess I can at least try to plan a portion of my day.
My latest cycle change has me sleeping through the last three nights (6-7 hours!!!!!) since upping my melatonin to 18mg a day. However, I am now woken by a hit first thing in the morning and am also now having an additional hit in the evening.
The big hit during the day is down from 2.5 to 1.5 hours though.
It does seem better to finally get some sleep, as I feel stronger to take the four hits during the day.
I am getting tired of trying all these frickin' meds, not having them work and causing side effects that make my "good" times not so good. I don't know how to do this or how I am making it. Some days I am desperate for relief and other days I feel like a champion cage fighter; somedays I am dreadful and scared and other days I am confident and in "bring it on fat bastard" mode. I am beginning to wonder if I am Schizophrenic with these multiple personalities.
I am thinking of trying to work out a way to go back to work half time. Not sure if the school will let me, but I know there is no way I could take my afternoon hit at work. Sure, teach a class of 35 teens with a kip 8, 9 or 10??? Hahahahahahahahaha, yeah right... So, do I use my "happy" time each day to work???
Sorry for the rant, just felt like letting a little out while enjoying some shadows following my latest hit. Hey, only and hour or so till I go again....isn't it nice to be able to plan things... ?
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| « Last Edit: May 7th, 2006, 11:27pm by I Cant Dance » |
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"I can endure more pain than anyone you've ever met. That's why I can beat anyone I've ever met."
-Steve Prefontaine, "Without Limits"----Yeah Right! "I got yer pain right hiya."
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Guiseppi
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Re: Cycle change
« Reply #1 on: May 8th, 2006, 12:11am » |
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Rant all you need, the frustration is just incredible sometimes, and just when you get where you can predicts the danged things, they morph. Hang in there with the meds, I do hope you find a combo that works for you.
Guiseppi
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Why are all sensors, seeking intelligent life, pointed AWAY from earth?
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Jasmyn
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Each day will be a new trick in life's journey
 
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Re: Cycle change
« Reply #2 on: May 8th, 2006, 1:09am » |
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Hang in there non-dancing man, hope this change in cycle will soon signal an end.
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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